What do I do about a girl?

Ok. I met a girl last year. We started talking more and more and eventually hanging out just the two of us. I knew I had feelings for her but doubted they were returned. One night she was at my place and we ended up in the same bed. We cuddled for a long while and then made out. We got about to the stage where we were both naked other then pantie and underwear when she asked to not go any further. It was our first time together and it wasn't planned or expected, we hadn't considered anything we had done to be dating and we considered each other to be best friends so not going further made perfect sense to me. We cuddled and light made out for hours.

She admits to me that the reason she didn't want to go further was because this was unexpected and she had feelings for another guy. They were not dating because he was her brothers friend and he was moving in 6 months. She didn't feel right getting involved with me when she knew she loved someone else. it wasn't fair to me.

Months went on and we got closer and closer, we become cuddle buddies, spending 3-4 nights a week in each others bed. Eventually she said she wanted to give us a shot and we were a couple for 2-3 months. Around 2 weeks after the other guy moved she says we have to stop, she can't stop loving the other guy even though her feelings for me were also very strong. She was ridden with guilt and couldn't continue. She basically chose him in a long distance relationship over me, I was very very hurt, humiliated, felt like garbage that wasn't good enough for anyone.

The problem comes now. Its a month later. My feelings for her are no weaker. I love her with all my heart and she is my best friend. I don't blame her for what she did, she was always honest and so was I. There was no betrayal.

So now I see her everyday in a public place. She is super affectionate. Holding my hand all the time, constant hugs, Frequent cheek and head kisses (no lips). Always saying how much she likes to cuddle up to me. But she won't come to my house alone and won't let me go to hers. We see each other 5 days a week just always in public. I don't know what to do. It hurts me so much that we can't be more then this. But I am so happy when I am with her and so sad when I am not. I don't know if the joy of being with her is straonger the pain from not being with her the way I want.

I don't know what to do. She is my best friend. The idea of losing my best friend hurts more then any other pain. I don't know what to do.

*Update* Well we tried the stay friends thing but it didn't work. I initiated a conversation where I said it might be best if we didn't talk anymore as it was just to hard on me. Maybe down the road we could get back in contact but not for now. She admitted that she was always so close physically because she had very strong feelings for me and wouldn't hang out alone because she felt guilty about what may happen. Her feeling for the other guy are just stronger.
Its been 3 days and this is the hardest thing I've ever done. So hard not to message her. But honestly I just feel like garbage and not good enough. I don't deserve to feel like this so I know this is for the best.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you are in a lose situation. She has had a long time to think about the bird in hand and the one in the bush. I don't know her situation with the other guy but it seems that she made a lot of poor choices here and you are being hurt. More likely inadvertantly, she has used you to have a romantic life while she pines over another person. I think you should walk away from it all. Because of how long it has taken her, she won't likely make a decision for you as long as you are around. I would add that I don't know if I would trust if she makes a decision for you later on. She has been really selfish and not taken care of her best friend's heart. I think she is trying but it is a little too late and not enough. If you want to have a love that feels right and gives more pleasure than pain, I'd go. If after sometime she says she is ready to be with you, I would do so slowly, with full disclorue and I would not be so one on one but instead utilize wise friends or solid couples around you who you can trust to give you the real deal.


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What Girls Said 1

  • I agree with the first answerer. I know you love and care for her, but she has been VERY selfish and unfair to you. She hasn't considered your feelings and has strung you along, knowing from the beginning that she was unsure.


What Guys Said 1

  • hi jared, thanks for answering my post. now I will give you some of my advice as I went through something like that 7 years ago. the thing is you are involved in three way relationshio "une mange trois". 3 into 2 does not go believe me. its what people say is a love triangle. I know it's hard but you have to get out of that because it will drag you down. it's really selfish of this girl to do this and you have to protect yourself by doing what your doing. you have to state that your feelings are love and because it's not a friendship to you and that her feelings for you are not as strong you have to get out. the good thing is that you say your piece.

    in my case what happened after saying my piece like you, the girl kept me hanging and in the end I got angry in a communication. however after the anger came out I was released from it all entirely because it gave me closure. I'm not saying that is what you should do. I would say are in love with her and because it's not a friendship to you and that her feelings for you are not as strong you have to get out - you have to underline that. do not turn your phone on for a week - and see what happens. if she comes back to you without the other guy in tow then you've won. if she does not come back to you after that week, leave it alone, delete all her contact details, block if you have to and try and move on. Why? Because if she really is into you and can't contact you she will find you, believe me. In the end you got to do yourself the favor and look after no.1 and not put her above you.

    • Thank you. Makes a lot of sense but is just hard. I am trying.

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