Why does everyone talk about "confidence" when it comes to dating women?

Seriously, I'm sick of hearing, "show some confidence, women like that in a man" or "Confidence attracts women." I think that "Confidence" thing is crap, everybody knows women are attracted to money, cars, bad boys, and alcoholics. I don't believe in having Confidence when it comes to dating, because I don't need a woman in my life to make me happy and I don't try to approach them at all. I see guys trying to attract women at my college a the time and it looks exhausting, I couldn't put myself through that torture. So my question is, why does everybody talk about confidence when it comes to dating? I personally don't believe in "confidence."


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm quite sick of it myself but I think for difference reasons that you. I don't mind the idea of being confident. As a matter of fact, confidence really benefits you in more aspects of life than just dating and it took me about 21 years of my life to figure that out. So I guess I can thank girls and dating for that. However what really frustrates me is that girls and guy a like preach this as the end all be all. "if you're confident, any girl will date you, even if you look like an ogre". Ok, they're not actually saying that but you know what I mean.

    Confidence is poorly portrayed by men and women alike, especially women. Ironically I've always felt that taking dating advice from a women is the worst idea ever, even though its women who you are after. The problem is unlike men, women are not logical thinkers (at least not absolutely). Emotion out ways logic in the dating game more so for women than men. As a result, what this looks like is a disconnect between their actions and their words. A extreme yet good example of this is how girls preach about wanting nice guys, but they fall for jerks. There actions speak differently than their words. Same goes for confidence. So when a girl tells you how to be confident, take it with a grain of salt. Same thing when a girl tells you its all you need to be attractive. If you were already very good looking, had money, style, talent, etc., then yes, confidence would be all that's really left. So in some respects that really is all that some guys need to be successful, because they were born with everything else. But my guess is that's not you.

    Confidence is abstract. I still battle with this myself. When a girl says be confident, what does that actually mean? What does it look like? Well I think I have a general idea and people can feel free to share their thoughts. I find that confidence can take many forms. To make this easier, I'll just list things that show confidence.

    1. You don't fear rejection. If people can look at you and say "damn that guy has balls", then they're going to think you are confident. You know the consequences of failure in whatever you are doing and you just don't' care. Especially when going after a girl.

    2. You seem to know what you are doing. Girls are more socially adept that you, never forget that. I know the male ego will not allow you to believe that but its the truth, girls are better than us at this. As a result, they can tell when you are a deer in headlight and don't really know how to go about courting them. Even if you don't know what you are doing, act like you do.

    3. You don't appear nervous. Don't stutter, second guess, fidget, or talk too quiet. The guy that blushes while rubbing his hands saying umm so umm in every sentence is not attractive.

    4. Be a leader and have conviction. Even if its just picking a movie, you make the choice, not her, and believe in your choice don't think you have it right, know you have it right.

    • Best answer

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    • without asking. Obviously some things require more permission than others. What I'm saying is stop asking questions. This goes with 4. Don't ask her if you can go to that party, if its OK to sit next to her, if its OK to kiss her, etc. Just do it like you now its the right thing to do. By asking her questions it shows you are unsure of yourself and not confident, not to mention it puts her in a position of dominance which is not what she wants. She wants you to be dominant.

    • You have some real insight in "dating game" great answer bro!

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What Girls Said 5

  • I don’t think it’s the concept of the word “confident” its more of being sure about who you are.

    Being positive and having good energy… that's what attracts me to a man.

    I guess you don’t need to be confident …per se, if the person likes you and is comfortable being around you… its all good.

    I am not attracted to a guy for money, cars…etc, I am attracted to him if he makes me feel good.

    Its all about attitude, who wants a person that gives off bad vibes and negativity.

    Having confidence when dating…its an over statement, its another way of saying “just act cool”

  • Confidence is really sexy in a man. It is nice when a guy believes in himself and has some self confidence. If a guy came up to me and said I don't need a woman to make me happy I would say good for you. But why bitch about not wanting to be like guys who have enough courage to talk to a girl they like? You sir sound a bit jealous or lack self esteem.

    • I'm not jealous or lacking self-esteem, I've just woken up and realized building relationships aren't that important.

    • Wake up again. Relationships are one of the most important things in life.

    • I don't need relationships, no offense but I work better alone.

  • Well a guy need to be confident to have the guts to get to a girl and ask her out, he needs to be more confident to not give up if she won't say yes at first...Girls like a guy that shows that has balls that is dominant its just biology... You could be ackward and shy but still confident at the same time you just need to show that... A confident guy = a guy that trusts himself and that's very very attractive because most of girls lack confidence...

    • that's a nice answer.. :) thanks

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    • There are some cultural and demographic differences in what level of persistence is expected.

    • i wouldn't call a guy because he gave me his number...maybe it isn't a green light but a yellow so not a red and guys should learn the difference, there are clear no and non clear ones

  • Your wrong not all women are attracted to money,cars, bad boys and etc. I for once want a guy who is decent, smart, funny and honest. Confidence is definetely a plus, if you don't have confidence,then how are people going to approach you or talk to you.

  • You seem bitter.

    I like to surround myself with people who know who they are and aren't afraid to be themselves.

    They aren't always confident, necessarily, but they are themselves, unabashedly.

    "Money, cars, bad boys, and alcoholics"? You could not be more wrong, when talking about us REAL women.

    • I am bitter and I'm gonna admit it, there is no such thing as ''REAL" women.

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    • I stand by my verbiage. I want a man to be himself - admitting insecurities and being human is the point, to me. I'm human with them, I expect the same.

    • So if a guy admitted he was shy while talking to you and was a little awkward at first in conversation, that is him being vulnerable and trying to push through his shyness, but I am betting you'd still find that a turn off. In a way, he might not be 100% confident with socializing with a gorgeous woman, but that doesn't mean he won't eventually become comfortable with it.

      Many guys try to use tact but might be total goofs or silly and they don't feel comfortable showing that side of themselves to just anyone. There are a lot of people like that, men and women. Not everyone can wear their hearts on their sleeves. I feel people miss out on a lot of great connections because a person might be a bit reserved around strangers.

What Guys Said 4

  • You don't think confidence is attractive to women?

    Fair enough.

    I don't think whining is attractive to women.


  • "everybody knows women are attracted to money, cars, bad boys, and alcoholics"

    Let's see... I'm not rich, drive a 10+ old chevy, not a bad boy, and not an alcoholic, and quite frankly, I'm decidedly average in the looks department. I haven't had a problem finding girlfriends since I was what, twelve?

    "I don't need a woman in my life to make me happy and I don't try to approach them at all"

    Funny, you sound pretty damn bitter for someone who's "happy". What's so exhausting about talking to women? Asking them out?

    Now, If you're waiting for the women to come running to you, that's not going to happen unless you're rich, handsome and famous. The rest of us have to approach women on our own. They're not going to come talk to you. No sir, they fear rejection FAR too much to handle simple things like saying "Hi, how's it going", so it's up to us to take the lead.

    That's just how it works, no point in arguing over it or getting angry about it.

    • I am bitter and women made me this way with their evil treatment towards me.

  • You don't date at all, but are convinced that you are right and everyone else is wrong.

    If you want to simplify things, women are attracted to power and good genetics. Money, being a bad boy, muscles, fame are all markers of power. Confidence gives the impression you have power.

  • Simple answer: You don't believe in it, but it still works for everyone else.

    • That's exactly what I'm saying

    • But you asked why everyone talks about it. And the answer simply is because it works.

    • I don't believe in it, I can show "confidence" towards women and I'll still get rejected. That is why I won't approach women anymore, being single is better than being humiliated by some random woman.

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