Is my girlfriend serious with me?

I have been dating this girl for more than two month. She is 20, a premed. As both of us are very busy with study, we see each other even less than once a week. At the beginning, we contact each other via text. Recently, our contact is even fewer, about one message per two or three days. She said I am her first boyfriend, and she was afraid to be hurt. I told her I love her and I am very serious with her. I thought she was playing hard to get, and I warned her once as I really hate that. Now, she again does not reply my text. It's really strange. I am Asian, and not familiar with the dating culture here. I'm not sure whether she is serious with me, even as her first boyfriend.

Girls and guys, please help me. Is she playing hard to get again, to make me chase her harder, or she just not sure about me and want to protect her as much as possible? Do girls treat their first boyfriends so cautiously? What should I do? I am serious with this relationship, and I do not want to break it if she just does not know how to deal with it as she is inexperienced.

Thanks a lot! Any suggestion is appreciated!


Most Helpful Girl

  • If you're calling her your girlfriend, she can't still be playing hard to get. It doesn't really work that way. You say she's pre-med so I'm wondering how heavy her class load is. She could be under a lot of stress and very focused. If your texts aren't pertinent or requires more attention than she can spare for the moment, then I can see how she may not answer immediately, intending to get back, but with her schedule, either the time slips away and she does not remember.

    With that being said...I don't see how you can forget to call your boyfriend, no matter how busy you are. If you really like someone, you're willing to compromise even the things that are important to you because that love is just as important as all other things.

    The lack of experience in dating could be one factor, but I don't think that's the issue here. You make time for the things that are important to you and I think her actions tell you all you need to know about where you stand in her life. It's a hard pill to swallow, I know, but it's the truth. It doesn't mean she doesn't want to be with you or doesn't like you, it's just that she's not putting a relationship at the top of her list right now which is directly affecting you.

    You can test this out for yourself. See exactly how much she values you and your relationship. Stop texting her and trying to reach out. No phone calls, emails, nothing. Stop contact cold turkey. She is bound to notice after a while, and the ball will be in her court to step up and see what the situation is. If she doesn't get back within the 3rd day of you not calling her, then you know a break up is imminent.

    You can always just try to put things on ice and try to pick things up when she has a break, see if it gets any better, but for the sake of your sanity, don't play tug of war with yourself. It might be painful, but at least you won't be plagued with questions and confusion. Time heals all wounds.

    I wish you luck in love.

    • Thank you for your analysis! It's very important! In the past weeks, I did have test like that, she could go through one week without any reply. She did reply at last minute, but it maybe the sixth day. Is it really the time to break up?

    • Absolutely. You've already run the test and she failed miserably. You got the answer you needed already, you just need the push and affirmation to go through with it. At this point, she's just taking up space in your life and its wreaking havoc on your self esteem. This relationship is a sinking ship. It's time to let go so you don't go down with it. This is one of the few times I'd say, I break up text is acceptable. It's not like you can reach her when you want to anyway. Time for new love.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I'd say she is just being cautious. She doesn't feel like she knows you well enough, or she's afraid you like her more than she likes you, or she's just kind of lost and not sure how to handle the relationship.

    She could also be so busy that she just doesn't spend a lot of time thinking about it.

    • I hope so. At first I text her a lot, I stopped doing that after I found she was playing hard to get. But I still tell her I love her and miss her so much without texting her so much. Maybe she started to doubt my words.

      Thanks. Maybe I should talk with her about it seriously.

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