Is this a red flag? After 3 weeks of dating he sat me down and told me everything he disliked about me...

Is that strange for a guy? After 3 weeks of dating he sat me down and told me everything he disliked about me. Then he asked me to tell him what I disliked about him.

For me, they were little things... like that he didn't respond to text messages or he hated coffee, fruits, vegetables etc.

For him, they were personality points... He said he didn't understand my sense of humor (even though he had been laughing at my jokes for weeks?), that he didn't like when I said I miss you (because that meant the time he spent with me was inadequate) and he didn't like how sometimes when I got really excited or when I really wanted something I'd pretend to act like a kid.

I walked out of the room wondering how he ever liked me... he named other personality traits. It's like he didn't want me to be me... Then as time went by I noticed things like "I don't like when girls wear makeup," "I don't like when girls wear earrings," and "I like when girls wear [this] kind of clothing" and "I don't like perfume unless it smells like [this]".

I feel like there are some major red flags there. It's like he doesn't like anything I do. After 3 weeks of dating he also said he expects me to help out around his apartment... like if he makes me dinner then he expects me to put the dishes in the dishwasher. Seemed strange for not having dated that long. He also said he doesn't believe in honeymoon periods and for him what you see is what you get and if I don't like him now then I won't ever.

A week later he bought me flowers, a necklace and two weeks later he invited me to go home and meet his parents.

Something isn't sitting right with me with this guy. He also never talks about himself. He's super closed off emotionally.

  • Red flag, time for him to go
    Vote A
  • Not a red flag, but something to be noted
    Vote B
  • Don't worry about it
    Vote C
  • Other
    Vote D
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Most Helpful Guy

  • lol, I would say so. Yeah, sure, we ALL have things we don't like in our partners, but most of us, unless these things are harmful or disruptive, we just overlook or don't worry about it. Only a narcissist would make a list of things "wrong" with others. And what he really does expect you to do is hang your head low and agree you have all these bad things, and beg him to forgive you. Other guys here on GAG who are also narcissist with highly overly inflated egos will agree with this man and say you should grovel and beg for his approval.

    A woman did something like that to me, she was expecting me to do the same thing. Instead, what I did was said something along "Oh, well okay, you're right So, I guess I don't live up to your standards, time for us to breakup and go our own ways, take care". She was shocked that I did that, literally her mouth was agape. I ignored her calls and never saw her again.

    You should do the same that I did, pretend to agree with his list and say goodbye - forever.

    • Yeah, no. I have Asperger's Syndrome, and making a list like that is exactly like something I would do. It's not necessarily a narcissistic thing.

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    • Not only odd, inconsiderate too. Sure there's things we like to see differently in our partners, but we just don't go voicing them lmao!

    • I mean, he never came across as controlling, but he does seem like the type who'd get angry if you cross him wrongly

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What Guys Said 3

  • If he didn't like you, he wouldn't be dating you. To be completely honest, those sound like the kinds of things that I would say. I DON'T like girls who wear makeup, and I've told girls that before, and somehow they take it offensively, instead of as me, simply voicing my opinion on the matter.

    Saying "I don't like girls who wear makeup" is not the same as saying "If you wear makeup, I don't like you". He's simply trying to say he prefers women who don't wear makeup.

    • he sort of said I would like you more if you didn't wear makeup... which is pretty similar to saying if you wear makeup I like you less

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    • The truth that you've told me is that people don't like to hear negative things. Sadly, that doesn't make negative things go away. They just fester in the background and cause problems. To be honest, I'm getting laid, my dude. I have a girl now. I'll always feel lonely, because I live in a world full of fake ass people who only care about what they want. They don't want others to have all the answers. You can't use people if they know they're being used.

    • I think there's a way to say everything. Saying "I don't like girls who wear makeup" makes girls immediately go on defense because there's no way for them to interpret that but "If you wear makeup, I don't like you" (if you PREFER women without makeup, then say prefer, not that you don't like).

      Instead, try something gentler like "You look so beautiful without makeup, I don't like it when girls cover up all their natural beauty". Something like that makes them a lot more receptive.

  • That's uncool! Definitely a red flag.

    • Yes, break up this guy and give up any potential chances in the future with him because he was open and honest with you. Clearly this is great advice.

    • Just seemed strange to pick out so many things so soon. Especially my personality points. I think it might be time for him to go...

  • Hm, well if they are personality points, depends how big they are to you. But it sounds like probably best to let him go.

    • yeah.. awkward. why even date me if he likes so little about me...

What Girls Said 2

  • Leave him.

    If he cannot love you for who you are, he is not someone you want to be with.

    • yeahh... I think I agree

  • I think he sees you as wife-material. But he seems controlling,so I would suggest to leave him and move on,unless you want to be with someone that doesn't accept you as you are with your good and bad traits.

    • does he seem controlling? that's the vibe I came back with after that talk and since then I've felt like I have to walk on egg shells around him... not that he would hurt me ever, but that he'd get angry if I crossed him wrongly