Help with confidence issues?

I'm asking anonymously because it's a little embarrassing...

I've been single for about ten months now after getting out of a 7 month relationship. Recently I started trying to date again and, well, I'm absolute rubbish apparently. I can't get a date to save my life, and the one date I did go on about two months ago (I've been trying for about four months), was just really, REALLY awkward.

I'm feeling really lonely and my confidence is pretty much in the toilet at this point. I've even tried dating sites, but there apparently just isn't any interest in me - I don't even get profile views.

I've never been told I'm bad looking - quite the opposite actually, I'm told I'm actually handsome and I'm pretty well muscled, and have even been accused of being smart, well read and even a nice guy on occasion -but despite that, I'm starting to get some self image issues.

This lack of confidence in myself isn't going to net me anything but some more nights by myself at the gym when I'd rather beek cooking for two. I need to find a way to shake this slump that I'm in. Any thoughts on the best way to put some spring back in my step?


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  • I've written two articles about confidence. Here are the links... link and link

    If you've been told you're good-looking, muscular, smart, etc., take those to heart. You need to believe those things for yourself. How do you usually react when people tell you those things?

    Also are these lifelong problems you've dealt with or are they the result of your relationship? If so, what was it about the relationship and break-up that shook you up so much? I used to feel the same way about myself.

    • My reaction is usually along the lines of "p-shaw" or "aww shucks". I've never been good at taking compliments and they generally make me really uncomfortable. Weird reaction, I know.

      The relationship did shake me for some complex reasons, but I've always had some issues with confidence. I got myself out of the confidence rut about five years ago but for the life of me I can't figure out how I did it.

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    • So I guess that's a yes. Jeeze, I can't just be direct lol.

    • Haha it's okay, I can be the same way sometimes. Yes, it's good to be the one setting the example, but you must accept that you're not perfect. Also important is that you can't beat yourself up when those imperfections come up. You need to be able to acknowledge you messed something up and then deal with the effects accordingly.