What's this guy's deal? Won't sleep with me?

Met a guy a week ago in a club... we hit it off straight away - heaps of smiling and laughing, cute flirting. I was pretty drunk but he wasn't - he doesn't drink.

We hooked up and his friends ended up leaving without him (he knew they were going and stayed) - he came back to mine (I asked him to in a drunken haze.. I don't normally do that?) Anyway we didn't actually do anything just hung out and watched movies / snuggled / whatever.

Really good time, exchanged numbers which turned into many text messages. He ended up coming to my place and staying again a few times over the course of a week (aware that I had my period) just to hang out. Still a lot of flirting going on, cute compliments etc and like fullllll snuggles all the time / kissing etc At some point we had some awkward discussion over text about how he isn't just in it for sex and kinda likes hanging out with me.

Then, finally Friday night came around. I had been driving that night when I went out with my friends. This guy text me and asked me if I would come pick him up... so I did. He came back to mine / we pretty much went straight to sleep cause it was like 5am. In the morning we were hanging out... things got a little heated in my room and I was all like giving some pretty good signals I was keen.. then he kind of all of a sudden found some reason to leave the room and went back to the couch where we'd been watching movies...

I drove him home a bit later and it was a little awkward but I was also paranoid as hell so maybe not haha. Anyway, he text me, said thanks and checked I found my way home OK etc...

Which takes us to now. Haven't heard from him for an unusually long period of time.. which is potentially just because he was out late last night and doesn't worry me a great deal...

but basically.. someone please explain this to me? What do you think his deal is? does he want to date me or has he potentially gone cold on the whole thing?

Thanks to all those who suggested I was a slut. :D I actually just got out of a long term relationship so... that was rude.

ANYWAY! I think his deal was (as I later found out) 1. He only had one ball which he was embarrassed about and 2. Lost interest cause he worked out his timing with me was terrible and I wasn't interested in a relationship just yet... even if I tried to be


Most Helpful Guy

  • lacks experience, and also looks like he wants a relationship

    • why do you say relationship?

      kinda problematic for me because I'm only really three weeks out of one and as much as I like this guy that just has train wreck written all over it under my current circumstances...

      I feel like I've got myself into a pickle here!

    • just his actions, always wanting to cuddle, kissing and not pressuring you into sexual acts. If he was in it for the sex he would of just gone for it, he makes the effort to come and meet with you with at random times and "cuddle"

    • well then explain this... I was right and he's gone alittle cold on me / stopped texting me as much etc so tonight I started a bit of a flirty text sequence.. a few texts were exchanged then all of a sudden he goes from replying straight away to not responding..

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Virgin.


    Well, I don't know for sure. He just acts like one. Maybe it's been a while.

    Or, he could have herpes.

    Just kidding.

    Be assertive with him. Say, "hey, when are we going to (insert euphemism)?" Bump uglies, hide the banana, whatever.

    That will probably lead to sex right then and there. IF he's not a virgin. hehe

    • He's too hot to be a virgin ahahaha

      Yeah I wanna go down the assertive route but thst's not my forte

    • It looks like he's relationship material, so you might not want to push it with overt sexual stuff, anyway. So don't worry about not being assertive. You could let him know that you think about it, though. "It's getting really hot in here..." or "I don't know how much more of this I can take" come to mind.

    • So then, no herpes or virginity, just one less gonad.

      Most of us will explain right away why we don't want to pursue a sexual connection.

      If we don't there's some reason that we are afraid to share.

      Wanting to have sex doesn't make you a slut. Sorry to hear about the breakup, and good luck on the rebound booty. Just teasin. :D

  • he prob a virgin and never or had few dates so doesn't want to look stupid and have you blow him off being honest make it even MORE ovis to him you want sex and/or relationship with him you will be surprised how many of us guys are like that its like the same thing for you but on the flipside even for guys who girls find attractive.

  • He told you that he's not just in it for the sex. You've only known the man for a week. Men aren't always just ready to go whenever a girl says she's ready, some need to warm up. Sheesh, double standards.

  • Probably a small penis lol or maybe he thinks your easy. or he's a virgin, or he's not interested. million reasons

    • I don't think interest level is a conern :P

What Girls Said 3

  • He could be trying to take it slow. He said he's not just in it for sex and likes hanging out with you, so he's probably trying to build a relationship there. Don't pressure him into having sex with you because he's apparently not ready yet. Just give it time and it'll happen naturally I'm sure.

    Just try not to feel insecure. I know I'd feel like he doesn't find me attractive enough if I was in your situation, but I assure you that's not true. If he didn't find you attractive he wouldn't be snuggling/kissing you! Just try to shake off any feelings of insecurity and don't let that get into your head. His lack of initiating sex is probably all about him... either he wants to build a relationship like I said earlier, or he feels insecure about his size or experience.

    Do your best to take the pressure off sex when you're around him. Ask him to a movie or to go out some place and I'm sure he'll say yes because there's no chance of getting too hot in a public place. Be gentle with him, and good luck!

  • Im going to say he is trying to show respect to you and trying to be a gentleman.

  • My current boyfriend was like that. It took months for us to sleep together and when we finally did it was me who made the move. I asked him about it months later, he did not want to scare me off or make me think he only wanted sex. He is so awesome.

    • This is a lovely story :)