Boys who only date to marry... Should it be that way for everyone?

I dated this guy who was only willing to date girls he thought he could marry. After a month and a half he dumped me because he said he really liked me, and he liked a lot about me, but that I wasn't the one. He said we couldn't be friends either. He also said he still likes hanging out and he still finds me very attractive, but that he doesn't want to invest emotionally in someone he isn't planning to marry.

Is that typical for most 22 year old guys? What's wrong with dating just to date? He was super opposed to this idea because he wants to settle down with someone ASAP. I almost suggested we just be friends with benefits... but I feel like he won't go for that. Why does he have to be so serious? Are most guys like that?

If you have fun with someone, you like them and you find them attractive, why not just be with them til someone else comes into the picture? I have no problem with that. Currently, we aren't even speaking and he wants nothing to do with me. I think it's sad that we can't be friends even. This means I can't be friends with his friends anymore either... that's sad. :/

  • People should date for fun if it makes them happy
    Vote A
  • People should only date people they can see themselves marrying
    Vote B
  • Other
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not one or the other. This guy sounds like he doesn't want to play games. I can understand where he's coming from, but have friends that definitely like to date just for fun. A guy like him sounds like he wouldn't cheat on you and if he wanted to see another girl, he would break up with you first to not hurt you as badly.

    From what it sounds like to me, tell me if I'm wrong, is that you think it's fine to date someone that you like until you meet someone else, start dating them and like them more. That's cool, the only problem is how do you meet someone else that you like dating more while you're still dating the other guy without cheating on him? Maybe cheating is completely OK with you, not sure.

    You guys are in 2 different spots in life, he wants a serious relationship at 22, which isn't normal, but IS admirable, and you just want to date guys, have fun with them until some other hot guy gets your attention.

    • idk, I think I was more saying that if we make each other happy, then why not stay together? Neither of us were unhappy, but I don't think we could see ourselves ever getting married... but we were never unhappy. Lol I definitely wasn't saying cheating was okay! no way. absolutely not. I just think it's too bad that we can't even be friends now... we were never THAT serious. although he did want to introduce to his parents like one week boyfriend he broke up with me... so idk.

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What Guys Said 7

  • I think the distinction between dating and being in a relationship should be set. I think dating is just a way of finding the one you want to be in a relationship with. However...sometimes being in a relationship itself is called dating. I think you need to separate them.

    So the guy you're talking about isn't opposed to dating at all, he's just opposed to a casual relationship and wants a serious one. There are a lot of people like that, and there are a lot of people not like that.

    • hmmm good point. yeah, well, we were in a relationship I suppose... but idk. I guess it's good it ended. after 3 weeks he sat me down and told me everything he didn't like about me and then asked me to tell him. it was really weird... he told his entire family about me the 2nd week we were dating. a week boyfriend breaking up with me he wanted to take me home and meet his parents. he was also so... if I do x you need to do why though. that's when I realized I couldn't marry him, but I did like him a lot :/

  • It would be hell of a lot safer that way, but unfortunately everyone is wired different. Some guys only like the thrill of the chase and some, like myself, only date if there is a foreseeable future. If you aren't in the same head space as him, then let him down gently.

    • he doesn't even want to try being friends. we haven't spoken since he broke up with me. totally sad in my opinion. I do care about him as a person and I'm pretty darn sure I could handle us just being friends. we weren't in love by any means

  • I won't date just to date. If I choose to date someone it's because I hope something long term is going to come out of it.

    • maybe that's the way it should be? idk, I really liked this guy, but he had some quirks that made me not want to marry him... but I wasn't sure so I stayed. he broke up with me and wants nothing to do with me now. I just find that sad. you lose a friend so instantly. it's not like we were in love so why can't we be friends?

  • If people want to date just to screw around, so be it, so long as they don't trick and lie to those who want something serious. And then those who want something serious can date people who want something serious. Shouldn't try and get a guy or girl who wants to just screw around to date someone who doesn't. It won't work out.

    • hm yeah. maybe he did a good thing then. idk, it's still sad. when he broke up with me he said even still liked me and found me attractive... but that I wasn't the one and that we could never be friends. maybe that means he was really into me?

    • Maybe, hard to know without knowing the guy

    • hmm yeah. too bad.

  • You can't tell if someone is worth marrying after a month. This guy makes no sense to me. Move on...

    • yeah, we only knew each other two months total. I felt it was wayyy too early. he didn't want to keep trying. in fact, the more I was emotionally open with him, the more he held back

  • If you can't see yourself together in the future it's absolute waste of time to bother.

  • Definitely not. For one thing, not all guys believe in marriage.

    They shouldn't be allowed to date?

    What about gay people?


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