Is he genuinely interested, am I paranoid, or do he just like having me around?

I have been dating a guy for 2 months. I know that’s not long but he’s getting ready to deploy and after that I’ll be applying for jobs. I have never met anyone like him- he gives me butterflies and I want to treat him like gold. At the beginning I had trust issues that I carried over from an engagement I broke off. I did snoop on his computer (I know bad!). I found that while we were still talking, but not official he was talking to other girls and very actively pursued them. This concerned me because I felt like he picked me because the other girls blew him off. At the beginning I also told him I might need some time while he was away at training to just regroup and that I didn’t want to talk for a week so I could clear my head. He said OK, but during this time period he also started talking to one of the girls he was pursuing before. I know that may be normal, but I don’t play games and I’m a good catch (not cocky, but a girl has to be confident) so I told him I didn’t want him talking to her anymore and erase her number. He did. The next week I caught him with explicit movies/pis(won't let me post word) . Again, I know that’s normal, but I’ve seen it ruin relationships and we’re both Christian so that’s pretty much frowned upon. He said he would stop. I trust him that he stopped.

Things have gotten much better. I see him every week. We reciprocate who drives to the other’s house (2 hours away). We laugh a lot, have the same interests, same goals, same beliefs, etc. However, (may be carrying this over from fiancé who was so supportive) it’s really hard to share things with him because he gives me zero feedback. He kind of just let’s me talk which is cool, but the reason I’m telling him is not to vent. I want to hear his advice or at least some affirmation. He does make fun of me a lot and until recently after talking to him, never really encouraged me. He doesn’t ask me any questions about my family except for what my parents do for a living. The last time I told him something really personal he thought it was funny when I expressed to him how traumatic it was for me . Now when I want to tell him personal stuff I’m really nervous and don’t want to talk about it at all. Even really with how I’m feeling. I haven’t brought this up yet because I feel like every week I’m asking him to fix something and a lot of this could be me, so I’m letting this go for a bit.

We do go on dates, but it always ends up like hey where do you want to eat 10 mins. before we leave. No planned special dates except for one. We do have a great time, but last date turned into getting stuff for his boss’ for dinner and when we were done the place was closed. He does pay for a lot. He has cooked for me 3xs. I cook for him, do laundry, bring his breakfast, etc. He tells me he loves having me around, I'm beautiful, etc. Super cuddly, touchy. Wants me to come to his fam's house over Christmas. Talks about our future a lot and "getting our first tree, etc."


Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. This guy thinks you are cute, sweet, cuddly, amusing and maybe a little immature or kiddish (that explains his laughing and finding things amused).

    2. He loves and cares for you but doesn't consider you an equal in many aspects though he may want to.

    3. In his subconscience he is still looking (not actively maybe) and hoping for that woman of his dreams - which is partly you but not wholly which is why you find him talking to others etc

    4. He has too many things on his mind out of which there's also point 3 somewhere apart from thinking of his own future etc - this explains his

    4.1. being unplanned on dates

    4.2. doing other things while on a date with you

    5. He is good at understanding someone's nature, habits etc and especially probably yours - a trait which is there with him for everyone else too

    6. His laughing at your problem is not mocking you - just that he sees you as someone would see a kid and a kid's problem which he finds amusing but not that he doesn't take it seriously. He just sees the solution as logically simple

    7. He isn't interested in anything else about you except you (that's a trait and not a negative one)

    8. If and when he comes across a woman who's his dream woman and he's still with you, he won't probably make a beeline for her though he'll silently regret it all thi slife without telling anyone about it.

    9. He loves you enough not to hurt you or bring you to tears (if you cry easily then he's not necessarily the reason why you do though you may think that way)

    10. He may not give you feedback when you share with him also realtes to point 7 & 4

    I didn't write this answer to cast any aspersions on his intentions or bring up any suspicions or complexes in you but I write as I see and deem fit based on my knowledge, experience and analytics.

    • No this is super helpful. Thank you so much. It's been really hard for me because I could talk to my ex-fiance about everything. Any problem he was there. And vice versa. I feel like this guy really doesn't want me to share all that because he doesn't have time for it maybe? he def. adores me. I'm just not sure if it's worth pursuing. it seems (based on my experience) that when a guy likes you. they drop things for you when they can to make you happy. what do you recommend? breaking up? backing off?

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    • yea I mean I know I'm still carrying some stuff over from my past relationship, combined with the fact I've never really been genuinely interested in someone like this, and that he's leaving is just a lot. in the beginning I told him I just wanted to be friends, but he said he couldn't handle seeing me date other people and wanted to date. I never pushed him into a relationship, but it just seems like his actions are saying he's not that interested, despite the nice things he tells me

    • I really don't think this relationship is going to be a very happy one for you at least in the long run. If he can't stand the idea of you dating others that's his problem. You carry on with how you want your life to be. If he gives you a statement that way then he better be ready to mould himself a bit atleast.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • yes he is interested , go ahead.

    • thanks so much for you answer...need any questions answered that I can help with?

      Also, do you think the things he isn't doing (not planning dates, etc) is a problem or that pretty normal to not do?

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    • crap yea OK ha. I would have said cut body fat for a 6 pack, but I don't know for an 8 pack. I do know that my boyfriend has an 8 pack and he's super lean. yea I get the whole hectic lifestyle. just seems that something special every now and then is nice. oh well.

    • Thnxs for your answer ...i have seen beefed up guys and still they posses an 8 pac that's what I want to achieve but the whole process of bulking and cutting is confusing

What Girls Said 1

  • He's definitely interested not doubt about that

    • Thanks so much. just unsure whether he's interested enough to go through 9 months

    • I would say so, his step for you to meet his family really says so in my opinion. Lets think about that for a second, when a person really likes you the first thing that they would want to do is introduce you to their family because they feel you are worthy and they truly care for you. He's more than interested in you