How Long to Pursue Her

Alright, ladies, I could use your thoughts and suggestions on a situation with a girl I've been on a couple dates with.

First, I'll preface all this with the fact that I don't believe she's dated much, and possibly never had a serious relationship before (we haven't gotten into relationship discussions on our dates yet...I've got a long history of relationships and I don't want to get too deep/heavy too fast). She's 26, I'm 29.

She's a great girl with a golden heart. A little quiet, til you get her one-on-one. She's really pretty and we've got a lot in common. We grabbed some coffee for our first "date," and I followed that one up by asking her to go ice skating and to dinner...which we did. She had no clue how to skate and she was really cute trying to learn haha. I'm pretty sensitive to her not having much dating experience and wanted to break that "touch barrier" in a non-intrusive/awkward way. We had a great time. She thanked me numerous times and was really energetic about the night after our date. I dropped her off and gave her a hug...didn't go for a kiss. Didn't feel it was right just yet.

Gave her a couple compliments to which she didn't really respond to.

I tried to give her a call a couple nights ago to ask her out for a third date, and she didn't answer. I didn't leave a message.

I haven't heard back from her, either by call or text, since then. It's only been a couple days, but she's always spend pretty quickly to me before.

Do you think she's signaling that she's not interested anymore? Or is she waiting for me to try her again?

I like her, and I'm OK pursuing her, but I want to let her breathe, especially given her lack of experience. So, I'm trying to be a man and initiate but be respectful at the same time.

Any insight as to what might be going through her head? I don't believe this is a case where I can just straight up ask her, either. We're not close enough for that yet.

Should I wait a few more days and try and reach her again?

Typo above: she's always RESPONDED pretty quickly to me before*


Most Helpful Girl

  • Aww you sound so sweet. I really like the way you're approaching this, just by the way lol.

    She might be confused actually that you didn't kiss her, because sometimes if a girl hasn't dated much, she'll have expectations that she got from a movie or something and that just seems like what should have happened.. if you hang out with her next time, pay careful attention to how she looks at you.. I'm not quite sure how else to describe it other than expectant, and it might be even harder to catch if she really hasn't had much experience.

    This might also just be a fluke, sometimes I call someone and my call just doenst go through to them. I've sat in a room before with someone, and called them, and watched my phone ring, but nothing show up on theirs lol.. not saying that's ALWAYS going to be the case if you don't hear back from someone.. but its a possibility.

    Yea, I think maybe wait a few more days, but if you don't mind, call her again. Maybe text first, just to have a conversation of sorts, hi, how are you doing, something something- to see if she really is ignoring you. and if she isnt, call later and ask her out again.

    • Thanks for your answer! Definitely understand what you're saying. She's definitely tougher to decipher than other girls I've been out with or had relationships with. She's a really traditional girl, a Christian, and from a generally conservative background. All 3 of which I really like about her.

      I wondered about the call maybe not having gone through, too, because she did make a comment on our date about how sometimes one of her girl friend's texts don'e always come through the right way.

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    • Well, lets hope that IS the case! =)

    • Oh, yea 2 days is nothing really. (In my opinion)

      And yes that's a possibility too, if that is the case then kinda let her decide. If she feels like she should, the she might do it herself.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Yeah, wait a few more days, and if she didn't call you back yet, give her one more try. If she doesn't answer or phone you, forget about it. Move on.

  • don't give up!


What Guys Said 2

  • I think you did a really good job on the dates man. You sound like you've got a clue. Only thing I see that you might have done wrong is by not leaving a message. All you had to say is hey this is Vence, give me a call. If they're interested they'll call you. If not...they will text you.

    Its not good at all that she hasn't responded at least by text after a few days. Whatever you do don't text her. I'd give it 5 days from the time you called...and call again. If still no answer, leave a message for her to call you.

    I'm guessing she NEVER touched you at all during the 2 dates?

    • Hey bro, thanks for the answer. Yeah, I thought about leaving a message, but just decided not to.

      We touched during the second date, yeah. Ice skating was helpful for that. I just held my hand out and she reached out for it and my arm throughout the night. Had to catch her to keep her from falling a few times haha.

      But yeah, I was going to ask her out for this Friday, but at this point I'll just chill and give her a call early next week or something if I don't hear from her before then.

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    • When I called her to ask her on the second date she didn't answer, but called me back. I couldn't answer when she called and gave her a call back.

      That's exactly how I would read most women's actions, but because of her traditional background and lack of dating experience, I feel like she's a little harder to for sure draw that conclusion like I usually would.

    • her Sun or Monday night, and if there's no call or text after you leave a can throw away her number, and move on to pursuing someone who wants to be.

  • never leave a message EVER. she will see a missed call if she wants she'll call you back.

    anyway bro if you're unsure whether or not she's into you, just cut all contact for a week. if she contacts you then that's great, if she doesn't then give her one last chance after that week