Has a friendship ever died because you liked her, but she didn't like you and didn't want to say it?

I swear she was attracted to me and I felt we weren't really "friends" in the traditional sense (more like acquaintances who teased each other). I asked her on a date, and I think she was compelled to go with me because she felt bad about turning me down outright (her response was less enthusiastic as I had hoped and the actual date was awkward).

I think she would like the friendship to continue because she still smiles and says hey when I see her around and it's been a long enough time that I'm sure she's found someone. But it's precisely that reason that I don't want to talk to her. I still haven't found someone yet so I want to spend more energy talking to girls I might have a chance with, while I know I'll also be jealous if she starts talking about other guys. Doesn't seem like it would do much for my self-esteem.

People are telling me to talk to her, to repair the friendship...but as time goes on, I feel like it would be better for all parties if it just died.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes and no. My girlfriend started out as just a friend. We ended up being intimate before we were in a relationship. We went on dates, but we never really considered ourselves dating, it was always just "hanging out." Anyone who asked if I was her boyfriend, I was just a friend. We both really liked each other. Then she did something kind of tacky to piss me off.

    We were hanging out with a couple friends at a club, and she started talking to and dancing with another guy. Of course we weren't "together" but we were still hanging out together, and I felt like that wasn't that cool. I understood when we weren't together, she might and most likely was going out with other guys, but to do it right in front of me? Eventually our friends had some issues, and they disappeared on us and the night had to end early, so I went and told her I was going to leave, and she said she had to come with me because I was her ride. After getting things sorted out, I took her home and it was really early in the morning and I had a long drive ahead of me because she lives in a different city, and she told me I didn't have to leave. I said I know, but I walked out anyway. I could tell she was really upset and disappointed I was walking away, because she said in a sarcastic tone, "Just walk on out the door." I would have stayed if she had asked me to stay, but instead she just said that I didn't have to go.

    After I got in the car, I texted her and said I really couldn't handle what she did in front of me because I was developing feelings for her. She said she thought we should take a break from seeing each other because of that. Then a week later she texted me really early in the morning on the weekend in a breakdown. I talked to her a bit, and then she started to slowly resume talking to me. A few more weeks later, she called me late at night in a breakdown again, and I went to see her. Eventually she said that break we took was the hardest thing she had to go through, and a couple months later she decided she was ready to enter a relationship.

    • The girl in my question ended up grinding and making out with some random dude when we went out to a club. Kind of made me feel inadequate

    • Show All
    • The girl I was talking about also got drunk and was grinding on some guy before. I went to the bathroom and came back to it.

      However, now that we're in a relationship, she doesn't do that except to me. I tried to just cut off everything with her, but I couldn't, so instead I was persistent.

      I'm not saying it will work or the girl you're talking to is the same was as this one, but there's still a possibility.

    • the one in your case seems to be more affectionate towards you than mine was. Like I said, I can go months without talking to her and she isn't perturbed at all. in which case, persistence probably would be creepy/desperate.

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What Girls Said 1

  • hey, I was in this exact same issue, but it was the other way around. a guy had done this to me and it totally freaked me out. I had originally said yes, but then I started to think about it and a got a bad feeling in my stomach and said that I couldn't date him. believe me, it was very awkward for a long time and I couldn't really speak to him or make eye contact.

    i did get jealous when he hung out with other girls, but over time when I kept thinking about it, I started to see him as boyfriend material. I'm still not really sure, still thinking about it. I just keep telling myself that if it is meant to be, then it will happen. give her some space and maybe shell come around.

    i hope this all ends up for the best, your not alone out there with this situation.

    • I'm frankly thinking of just not talking to her again. I think that's easier on all of us. By the end of January we'll probably never see each other again anyway. And I've made my pitch, done more than enough where if a girl was interested, she would've been happy. At this point, it's not like/love if I keep going after her; it's just obsession and desperation and being in love with an idea.

      Anyway, why did you start seeing him as boyfriend material?

    • um I think secretly, all along I just wasn't telling myself and letting myself think that. I just started noticing small things about him that I liked. then I tried to distance myself from him to see what I actually missed. I missed him a whole lot. I kind of verified itself that way.

What Guys Said 2

  • had a girl "friend" I was working with for a couple weeks. started to like her, told her, she didn't feel the same...we don't talk to this day

  • yes, like 3 years ago and it still affects me. I hate it. I just wanted to be her best friend.