Girls: at what point do you start to develop feelings for a guy?

Do you need to have feelings for him before agreeing to "hang out" with him? Before agreeing to a first date?

After a couple of dates?

I'm just trying to understand how women think during this part and how they actually start to develop feelings for someone. I think it's pretty darn interesting. I actually prefer female company and have quite a few female friends. My interest in a woman is usually as a friend in the first instance. It only months down the line that I realize I have fallen for her. Always difficult to know what to do at that point!


Most Helpful Girl

  • According to, Most women fall in love after about 14 dates, but I happen to know that most of my girl friends think they're in love after the 3rd.

    You said, your first interest in a woman is usually as a friend in the "first instance" and you develop feelings over time. Am I right to assume you usually get friend zoned? I say this because most guys that end up in the friend zone tend to develop feelings for a woman later down the road which means by then, they've taken themselves out of the running for romantic interests.

    The last thing you want to do is become a girl's "friend" and then want to switch gears mid way through the relationship, so if the strategy is friend her first, her romantic feelings may actually shrink rather than grow over time. Romantic interest has to be established from the start.

    • Oh dear that's a bit worrying. I wouldn't know if I get friend zoned TBH. I never got the balls to ask out any I the girls I liked before I got married. Not much I can do about it as until I get to know a woman, I'm just not interested. My goal is genuinely to be a friend, so I can't really establish romantic interest from the start - because I'm not interested. The feelings come later and the friendship complicates things. I don't know how to be any different. Grrrr!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • If I already like the guy a lot as a person, I tend to develop feelings after we share physical bond...

  • Hmm yess we need to have feelings b4 1st date. For hang out its not so needed.

    Just tell her :) We girls love guys who are courageous. And most of us will wait for the guy to make the 1st step

    • :-). You clearly aren't daft! Obviously there is someone in particular I like, but I was wondering more generally. My recently-ex-wife was pretty much my first real relationship and it occurs to me that I don't know that much about how people go from friends to being in a committed relationship having kind of just fallen into my last relationship.

      I'm too old to feel like a daft teenager!

    • "And most of us will wait for the guy to make the 1st step" - Do you have any advice for avoiding sexists like these, and finding women without such lazy, cowardly and sexist attitudes?

What Guys Said 0

Be the first guy to share an opinion
and earn 1 more Xper point!