What to do when a guy's not interested?

I started talking to a guy on a dating site a couple of months ago. We met up and had sex. I asked him if generally does that; have sex with girls he meets on that site. He said he's so far met three but hasn't had sex with any of them.

I knew that we wouldn't end up dating as he isn't after a relationship (he's moving to a diff. country soon). But yet it bothers me to see he's on there way more often than he gets in touch with me. We've had sex a couple of weeks ago and he's on there messaging girls. It sort of makes me feel so worthless. I know I can't tell him because I've got no right to feel this way. I like talking to him, but sometimes I think that maybe I should just not write anymore.

Thoughts? Do I just need to chill and get a grip?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I won't put it as harshly as "get a grip," but you are expecting a little much here. No matter what you decide to go on a first date, be that dinner and polite conversation without so much as a hug, or have sex, the expectations are still the same. You went on ONE date. He's more than within his right to decide he doesn't want a second, or that he doesn't want to talk very much, and so are you.

    By the same token, he clearly isn't giving you what you hoped to gain out of that encounter. He's not making you feel good, he's not giving you much attention, and he's definitely not going to start a relationship with you, so why bother with this guy? Whether your feelings are warranted or not, they're still your feelings. And if all he's bringing you is jealousy and heartache, with no hope of a relationship at the end, why bother? Stop messaging him. Show your worth in the sense that you don't accept situations and people that don't work for you, and he clearly doesn't.

    • Also in response to wanting a bit more interest after, I totally understand. I would want this as well. But sometimes no matter what we do (or don't do), a guy isn't going to show the interest we want after. That's life. I just know for me personally, I can accept his lack of interest after merely a date or hangout. I can always chalk it up to my not being very interested in him much either. But if I've slept with a guy, that would hurt a ton worse. It shouldn't be this way, but I'd feel as if

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    • It's kind of like a girl who goes on a bunch of first dates, accepts the expensive free meals, and then blows them all off ever and is on to the next. Yes, she's fully within her right, but she's kind of sh*tty to use them for that.

    • See, he's about to turn 33 and his longest relationship was apparently six months. That should've warned me. I When he said he'd had an emergency and wouldn't be able to meet again before I return for work, I thought he was blowing me off completely. He said he wanted to stay in touch though, which I found weird because what's the point? Maybe he just likes having lots of girls available, and maybe it makes him feel better about what he does if he continues to talk to the girls.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • chill and get a grip, but of course that's easier said than done.

    So to understand correctly you're cool with a strictly physical relationship but you're pissed that he had sex once and now seems to be ignoring you?

    Unfortunately that is the nature of a one-night stand or strictly sexual encounter, it's hard not to feel your self-worth decrease. The fact that he "says" you were the only girl you had sex with shouldn't be a comfort. Maybe those other girls were nasty or maybe they didn't want to have sex with him. See how him saying that might make you feel unique?

    I don't want to sound harsh but drop it with him. He's going out of the country soon (or so he says) so at least you do know that there really wasn't much future with him.

    I am sorry that he'd pull that though... Good luck!

    • Oh I never really totally believed that he didn't have sex with those three girls. I should have made that clear. I doubt I'm the first, only and last one he's had sex with. I don't know, like I say, I knew it was just sex but I guess I was hoping for some more...interest... . It's literally been two weeks and he gets on the site several times daily and sends me an email once in a while. Makes me feel like I wasn't good enough, although I know it's silly and nonsense.

    • that is nonsense I'm sure you were good...well at least I'm sure you know if you're good or not. I'm sure he's just a scumbag. probably trolls the sites looking for one-time flings. It's always rough to feel used but don't let it affect you, it speaks more to what kind of guy he is than who you are.

What Girls Said 1

  • Well, that's what you get for more or less saying "I'm a sex obejct. Use me. You can have sex with me and I won't even make you earn it or show you that I can give you greater than occasional sex." You pretty much presented to him that your place in his life is to have a sexual relationship so you can't be upset now that he's subliminally saying that he's not romantically interested in you and he's on the prowl for a girl he is.

    • That's putting all the blame on me. " I can give you greater than occasional sex." I doubt he WANTS that, I think casual sex is all he wants at the moment. So it doesn't matter much what I would've done, he would have done what he does now anyway. Do you see what I mean?

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    • Point blank: he's not as into you as you'd like him to be.

      I'm sorry girl, take this as a lesson learned. You can't just tell a guy "I'm your sex object" then get hurt when he doesn't view you and treat you as something better than that.

    • I'm definitely not doing one-night-stands again. Not the type for it at all. Especially with guys from dating sites, you just never know about them and I've heard lots of stories. So it was naive of me to expect anything more than what I got. I am not going to stay in touch with him. Even if it hurts a little, it would hurt a lot more and longer if I stayed in touch, I think.