How do I overcome this?

I am 26, dated a long time. I have no problem with my confidence, and am often too confident. I am a goal-oriented person, and often times I treat my relationships this way. If I do not see a goal insight, I often do not care about what happens in my relationships, and I get people attached to me. I hate breaking hearts, but I always end up doing it.

On the opposite end, when I fall for someone, I treat it like a goal-oriented situation. I often over analyze, over think and end up ruining the only girls I fall for. How do I overcome this? I never have a problem having people fall for me I don't care for, or realize I don't see a future, but it is just the opposite when I do. I am getting too old to be messing around, I have had too many one night stands to count and I have completely changed the way I date in the last few years. Any advice helps.


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What Girls Said 1

  • I am in the same situation as you and it may be an age thing come to think of it now! I mean it's a strange phase, out of school and not socialising in the same way and maturing a bit...Actually what you described is more common than you might think. Makes sense for most people to overanalyse and be more into the relationship when they actually like someone a lot. What's bothering you exactly? Do you feel overwhelmed by the way people treat relationships? From what I understand so far in life, it seems that when we aren't looking for somehing serious we run into a lot of people. And when we actually want someone to be with, there's hardly anyone around! Which leads me to believe that when we're actually relaxed and just enjoying ourselves we attract ppl. Whereas seeking for someone or really needing someone sends off a desperate vibe. I think timing is key and when you meet someone whom you just click with it'll be less complicated and seem to work out almost on its own! If you need to push too much for it to work it's just forcing it and it doesn't work. But despite what I tell you now, it's really hard to chill and relax and just totally enjoy yourself. All I can conclude is that growing up is pretty messed up business cos everyone's experiences weigh them down and we all think we know what we want or we can predict what it'll be like with someone. Jeez. I'm confusing you aren't i! Why can't everyone just be lucky and have a blast with someone they really like and live happily ever after..?! Sigh. To be so young and so confused! I'm sure it'll be betterfor you when you meet someone you really click with. Throw yourself out there, be spontaneous and daring and take advantage of every minute! And remember not to waste your time over thinking things!

    • Last two girls I've dated that I wanted to be in relationships with, I ended ruining by pushing too fast, too hard and over analyzing. Had an amazing girl who left her boyfriend for me, let her recoop for a few months, then she asked me out. So I was under the assumption she was ready to start dating and be my girlfriend. Well come to find out, I pushed her away. I'm kinda sick of hurting people and getting hurt. I can't find that middle ground and I am trying to figure out why.

    • Dont blame yourself so much! Relax. It takes two to do smg in a relationship, don't take it ll on your shoulders. These girls must have their heads elsewhere ans not focused since they let it all slide. OK assuming you were terrible and made awful mistakes, you seem so intune and honest with yorself now that I don't see how or why you would mess up when you get another chance. Sounds like you know what you want but are just afraid u'll repeat the same mistakes BUT I doubt tht you will because you sound honest!

    • Dont let experiences affect you so much cos you never know what truly went thu these girls' heads at the time. Or yours! Experiences mess us up a bit. Relax and try to just take every new experience like a kid would. Don't hold back, be open and believe that it WILL work next time! I feel like I did similar things as you and I hope I don't mess up with this guy I like now but I guess all I can donis be myself and relax. Cliche but true. And good for your head, doesn't mess it up:)

What Guys Said 1

  • Please, more details. How do you treat the women that you fall for, aside from over thinking and over analyzing their behavior? Be specific.