Hi, I'm 17 and this guy I met in summer who's 18 asked me out for next weekend. We've been involved for about 4 months now, and he's said a lot that he loves me and has strong feelings for me. I've never been on a date before let alone been in a proper relationship, but he's had girlfriends. Since I'm pretty inexperienced in dating, is there any advice you could give me, and this is a bit random but do people usually kiss at the end of the first date? Thanks :) xx
Most Helpful Guy
Most people your age have absolutely no idea what to do on dates, other than what their feelings tell them to do (be physically close, and perhaps sexual). The true purpose of dating has been mostly given over to desire at first, but what happens is that people then have a series of bad relationships and end up getting hurt, and only then, a few years down the road, to most people start to ask what they've been doing wrong, and start thinking about what dating is supposed to be for.
The purposes of dating are:
1. To "get to know" the other person (i.e., their personality)
2. To see if they are compatible with you from a relationship standpoint.
3. To see if there is "chemistry" (infatuation/sexual desire)
4. To get to know more about yourself, and what your REAL, ACTUAL needs are in a relationship.
Most people, especially with their early relationships, only care about #3, and as a result, they often have horrifically bad relationships. Your emotions will happily steer you towards a person who is completely wrong for you, and if you follow them blindly, you are likely in for a rough ride. Yet when it's all new to you, you tend to completely give in to your emotions, and they become SO powerful that it's very easy to get lost in them, and to become VERY vulnerable. That's why you can get hurt so badly when things go wrong.
Most people have to experience being badly hurt several times before they realize that they have to try another approach, and start taking the other points more seriously, and some people *never* figure that out, and have a lifetime of bad relationships.
When you are young, you usually have no idea what's important to you in a relationship, and so you tend to be very superficial. "Does he look good? Is she hot? Is he popular? Is she wild?" Using these criteria to pick a mate often has comically bad results, and so later, you tend to figure out "oh, okay, I need a person who is emotionally stable, who can see me at least 4 days a week, who doesn't have a crazy family, and who takes relationships seriously."
You start asking a lot of questions on dates, about things like "what does a relationship mean to you?" and "what are your plans for the next year or two?" You might find out that the person doesn't really want a relationship, or they're moving away in 3 months, and that might make you reconsider getting involved with them. Maybe you feel strongly about religion, or education, or sex, and they have an opposing view. It's good to find those things out before you get deeply involved or emotionally attached, and THAT is what dating is for.
Understanding that is FAR more important than deciding whether or not to kiss him at the end of the date. It's YOUR heart on the line, after all.5
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