Could I have done the damage to my relationship, I'm so hurt right now. Help

My boyfriend and I broke up two days ago, I'm so heart broken and I don't know what to do at this point, I'm so sad and suicidal.

Since I felt like he was acting different I told him we should take a small breather and see what happens. I was not breaking up with him and I told him that. He was really quiet and didn't say anything over the phone he did ask what I was doing that day but we hung up after that.

Then 30 minutes later he sent a text message saying why don't we just break up. I was devastated to get this text. I got angry and cussed him out, later that night I apologized and let him be. he said it was OK and left it at that.

I don't know what I am without him. I'm crying my eyes out just writing this because I;m hurting so bad.

Someone please help me out. I need some understanding was it my fault should I have just given him space in our relationship. Should I have not said we should take a breather... =;(


Most Helpful Guy

  • *hug*

    Good news first. Its obvious your both very much mutually involved :).

    You won't so much have damaged your relationship as caused it a lot of stress. Guys tend to try to deal with stuff "cut and dry". They don't tend to work very well in the arena of emotional subtilty, which is a pity because that's exactly what most females really are.

    If your guy was already feeling a little insecure (maybe you have a lot of close male friends, maybe before you went out you said "just friends" for a long time.. maybe he just can't believe someone as perfect as you could be serious about him.. there's a million possibilities and its a very likely thing unless he is the one with lots of girls after him); That little chat might have made him falsely forsee another round of "lets just be friends" followed by lots of pain and anguish. Guys, tend to want to keep their pride. Him jumping right to breaking up is a way to try and keep that alive.

    Anyway.. enough about how I can see the issue which may or maynot be right.

    The answer to your main question is, you have certainly put a stress on your relationship.

    You have learned a lot from this though. You now know how deeply you feel for your man. You know your more serious than you thought. Express how you feel to him. Take the risk he might be worth it.

    If you get worried, don't try and break up or take a break.. talk out your fears with him.

    I hope he's worth your heart,

    Good luck

    (and don't cry.. you haven't lost him or messed up terminally.. put that emotional energy into doing the right things now :))


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • Pretty much any guy is going to take that "we should take a small breather and see what happens" the same as saying, "let's break up but I don't want to say it flat out. " Why? Because that's what it means.

    So basically, your boyfriend got told, "I want to break up with you." So he's probably a bit hurt and stunned.

    And then you got angry and cussed him out... so he's basically going through an angry break-up that his now ex-girlfriend initiated. So basically he got dumped.

    So yeah, sorry, but it's your fault and you dumped your boyfriend. If you want to fix it, try apologizing and telling him you regret it, you want to get back together. If he's got any sort of self-value or sanity, he's not going to try crawling back to you after that. It's on you.

  • For us guys we have learned that a breather or "space" means the end of the relationship, so some of us thinks the best thing to do is just end the relationship. Girls on the other hand don't seem to see it the same way.

    What you could do is simple explain what you meant by saying that and also say that you are still together and love him, that would at least calm him down and give you both a chance to work it out.

    I freaked out when my ex-girlfriend told me "we needed a break and some space" I should have stayed calmed maybe we would have been together today, but I’ve been hurt before like that, that's why I reacted that way.

  • Why were you guys fighting in the first place? Did he say you weren't giving him enough alone time?

    • Kind of. First he said he thought we were having to much sex and we should tone it down, THEN when I asked why he said I was being clingy...I gave him lots of space after that yet he was still acting different which was when I initiated the breather.

  • small breather= breaking up.

    in my books, either we work things out or we break up. there's no middle ground. which means, either we love each other enough to get through whatever were going through or we don't love each other enough and goodbye.

  • First I pray that you have peace of mind. I don't think you have mess up your relationship. Relationship can be work out if y'all choose to do so. Many people make decisions out of their emotions which usually messes things up. And as for you, From my own experience, once sex get involve before actually getting to know each other will cause problems. Sex is a big emotional connection especially for females

  • He wanted to leave. That's why he started acting differently. You saying you needed space gave him an opportunity to end it.

    The result would have been the same if you didn't ask for a breather too. It might have just been dragged out a bit.

  • If you're suicidal, stay off the internet and find help.

  • Your young chances are the relationship wouldn't be forever like you hoped anyways. That's the truth.


What Girls Said 1

  • First of all - always go with your gut.

    in my opinion, I think there needs to be a sit down talk with this guy.

    I think you both need to talk about where you feel the relationship is and where you think it is going. Is it what both of you wants ? Where do you see the relationship going?

    Communication is a must in a relationship.

    I don't believe in 'breaks' myself so I understand him saying he wants to just break up.

    You either want to be with someone and know it, or you dont.

    Don't play the 'break' game.

Loading... ;