I been going out with my boyfriend for like 2 months nearly now and I don't know I just feel really weird and like just really awkward, I haven't really got a clue what I'm doing and all I know what your supposed to do is just talk, kiss and cuddle and just enjoy the time with each other, I'm really finding it hard to enjoy it properly though because of this feeling, it keeps making me think maybe I don't fancy him and that it's just not right or maybe we shouldn't be doing this or I just don't feel enough at all. I'm 22 and he's only just my first boyfriend, I'm not a virgin but still I even find the idea of sex weird lol I haven't got over that one ether yet and when it comes to doing more with him eventually I'm gonna feel really weird, when I've done it I am always left the feeling of "what just happened?" lol, I don't know how to get over it but I want to because it's tormenting me too much and preventing me from being comfortable, every time I see him I am OK after a while though but then I come home and after a few days I go back the same way again then start doubting things. Did anyone else feel this way?.
So I just don't feel that head over heels passionate feeling for him and it makes me doubt things a lot, I know it's still early but I keep thinking maybe there is something wrong and I don't like him like I think because whenever I have fancied guys I felt that passionate about them, nothing happened but does anyone else feel this with their boyfriends? maybe you can give me some insight?.
So I'm not seeing him I broke it off because I wasn't feeling sure, 4 days later I'm not having doubts about even breaking it off in the first place :\ what is wrong with me? I don't get myself at all, one minuite I want something and as soon as I make it go away or they take it away I want it all of a sudden, I hate this self-defeating attitude I have, I just hate it beyond words, my head has been screwed with my people so much in the past and now I don't know what to think or what to feel.
Can anyone help me I just feel like I don't know whether I'm coming or going these days and I am mostly always having negative thoughts about myself and others, I have lost my trust in others because whenever I try to even make friends or date they treat me like I'm not good enough for them and look down on me and now I don't know if I will ever feel good enough for anyone and just be alone for the rest of my life, I don't know what to do...