Why did he stand me up?

So, I spent a month casually hanging out with and texting a guy 24/7. He seemed REALLY excited about us. He would constantly talk about future plans, tell me how much he liked me, etc.

We had our first official date three weeks ago. Two sort of sketchy things happened on the date:

1. He originally told me he could spend the night at my place. All of a sudden, about two hours in, he says he has to leave early because he forgot about a RA duty he had to complete. His excuse was that he originally lied to me about being off-duty because he wanted to see me so badly.

2. When we tried to have sex, he was nervous, shaking, sweating, and couldn't get it up.

I brushed both things off, and the date lasted five hours. He kept on kissing me and calling me back whenever I walked away at the end of the date because he didn't want to say goodbye. I thought everything went well.

After the date, he stopped texting me as often. He texted me the night after our date saying he had a good time, and then the three days after that. Then I would stop hearing from him for two to three days in a row. But, he told me that he was just busy with his job, so, I thought it was no big deal. (Also, I never texted him first.)

Then, our second date approached. We had been planning it for three weeks. It was a big deal for both of us originally. We confirmed it at least five times, including four days before it. But, he never gave me a time or place, so when the day of our second date was here, I had no idea what was going on. He ended up not texting me until 5:00 P.M. that day, asking how I was, how my holidays had been, etc. I felt completely stood up, so I told him that he blew me off. He didn't respond until the next day, asking why I was so mad because he apparently DIDN'T blow me off!

I texted him a very calm and reasonable explanation. That was a week ago. I haven't heard from him since.

I honestly don't understand what happened. Someone PLEASE draw me the line. I don't get how someone who said that he would never hurt me because he had been hurt before would blow me off like that. And he didn't even apologize. If he wasn't interested, why didn't he just say so? And why was he so enthusiastic about us before our date and on our date, but not afterwards?

Does anyone have any idea what might have been going through his head?

Side note: He's not married, and I'm 95% sure he has no one on the side.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I guess he's not ready for commitments, or he just might not be interested in you anymore.

    • But then why did he confirm our date four days beforehand? And if that was a lie, why didn't he just come out and say that he wasn't interested? That's what's so confusing.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • Sounds like he was a virgin with very little experience. He sounded terrified to me, and chose to avoid the situation instead of go for it.

    • ^ This is the only thing that makes any sense.

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    • ii agree, he sounds terrified, maybe not a virgin, but perhaps he really likes you and when thoughts turned into reality he got really scared.

    • yup, and you never texting him back couldn't have helped either... He could be thinking you weren't interested enough to contact him.. That's the opinion I ended up with after reading your question..