I feel very vulnerable when I start to like a guy and my expectations change! Which ruins it.

Guys usually really show an interest in me at first.. They can tell that I get asked out often, but I'm selective (not so much shallow) about who I go on a date with.. I won't go on a date with someone who might be a great guy but I'm not attracted to because I know that I'll likely hurt him. I'm a "challenge" girl.. But the thing is, I don't want to play games I really want love in my life.. I don't sleep with a guy to soon.. They tell me how attractive they find me and have a twinkle in their eye when they look at me.. I'm a fun, sweet, witty, playful authentic person. After I've been on about 3 dates with a guy I start to really like him.. I want him to call me everyday (I don't tell him this) and get disappointed when I got 2+ days when I don't here from a guy so I write them off or blow it at this point.. Is this normal? I haven't been in a serious relationship for 2 years now and I really miss it..

I do initiate and talk about what I want... I'm pretty honest.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds normal to me. When I really like someone, they are everything to me and I would want to make all the time for them. 'Busy' is always an excuse because how much time does one short text takes? Couple of seconds perhaps. That is shorter than the time it takes them to check their email while at work. I don't expect to hear from the guy every day either, but disappearing for 2+ days is quite a long time if you care about the person.

    It is also good that you are selective because what is the point of dating when there are no attraction? Those guys could make good friends perhaps, but a boyfriend is more than just someone that other people consider a great person.

    • "a boyfriend is more than just someone that other people consider a great person."

      So true! Why don't people realize this!

    • So many guys tell women on here that we should be settling but wtf why does anyone need to be settling because of a few bad experiences... That would be just playing it safe

    • Because they just want the sex. I don't think a decent guy would even consider "settling" because getting together with someone should be a new chapter in life. Settling implies the end of a story. I want a guy to continue my life story with, not simply to end it. And I am not going to just pick any guy to do this if he doesn't even want to know my story or share his.

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What Guys Said 6

  • "I want him to call me everyday (I don't tell him this)"

    For a lot of guys, it simply wouldn't occur to them that you'd WANT to be called every day, and some probably know that *some* girls get creeped out if a guy calls them every day, because it can make him seem too clingy and needy. Guys as a rule expect the girl to call the guy when she wants to talk on the phone, which will almost always be more often than he really wants to talk on the phone anyway. It's not that the guy doesn't want to talk to the girl, it's that he wants to talk to her IN PERSON, and not on the phone, or worse, via text. Guys date girls because they want a relationship with the GIRL, not with his phone.

    But the even bigger problem here is that you aren't COMMUNICATING. Your needs and expectations change, but you don't communicate that, and then you get upset when the guy isn't a mind-reader and doesn't adjust to your new demands. That's not fair to the guy, and it's also cheating yourself out of a potentially good relationship due to poor expectations and poor communication. You are sabotaging these relationships either because you are afraid of them succeeding (and having to be vulnerable), or because you have no idea what you're doing. The fact that you're asking the question points me to the former, rather than the latter.

    • I've been in relationships... I know too well what it takes for them to work... and it sort of gets in the way because I see every red flag possible. I can't reach him right now, I don't have his # but I sent him an e-mail in the morning after the chat and I was complimenting him and saying things I know he wants to hear from me but he hasn't logged on for 3 days to see it. he gets back home on Sunday night. do you think that he's just enjoying being with his fam and will contact me when he's back?

    • "do you think that he's just enjoying being with his fam and will contact me when he's back?"

      Yes, I do, and that's what folks tend to do around the holidays. I get that you are worried, but I think things will probably be much better once he gets back, and you won't have to be as insecure, because you'll be able to talk to him and see him again.

  • I think MrOracle is right in what he has said. That said, I feel that I would at least send you a text once a day and include in the text; "Good Morning or I'm thinking of You" & "If you are and th mood 2 talk, feel free 2 call"

  • wow that is way to high maintenance, you better have beer flavored nipples or something.

  • it does tend to be off putting for guys when we have to initiate all the time. after a while wed assume you werent interested so we back off and move on. the balls in your court now so its up to you to return it here and there

  • So are saying you just don't give them a chance after a couple days if they don't call? Got a little confusing toward the end for me lol

    • well sometimes if I really like them.. I'll kindly and softly (not in an agressive way) ask them what's up and if I'm reading into things to much... or sometimes I'll just start dating someone else and I ease my feelings for them/ replace them.. I'm really afraid of getting hurt again or of doing that to someone else.. I've been in a few relationships and I guess I have a hard time just going with the flow now...

  • What's the difference between selective and shallow?

    Also, guys that call every day usually get ignored as needy. You should call him to show him you aren't a spoiled princess. Men shouldn't have to do all the work, not to mention we're often busy and can't be talking daily. Bring yourself halfway to the table and you might be in a relationship instead of ignoring guys that aren't drooling all over you.

    • If you are going to be that busy with your work that you cannot even spare few seconds to talk to someone you love, perhaps you are more in love with your work and yourself. Making yourself sound like a victim by putting all the blame on the girl and automatically calling Question Asker a 'spoiled princess' is quite immature on your part. You sound like you are not selective at all and go for any hot spoiled princesses, who turned you so bitter and insecure that you have to go anonymous on GAG.

    • Show All
    • Girls do initiate, a lot, if they really like a guy. That said, if she puts in no effort at all, she is only interested in having you, not liking you. A lot of the time it is that the guy is only a player or he cannot decide which girl he wants. In the former, he can find a play girl instead who likes the attention. In the latter, I would rather move on rather than being with an indecisive guy, with me putting in the effort for nothing. Argh, yes I am bitter too.

    • Protection against players is no excuse for not giving 50/50. Women aren't a prize. If you want to get a man, you have to put in the effort. No emotional risk on the girl's part and she'll be the one taking advantage of him.

What Girls Said 1

  • Stop having expectations and you won't be disappointed.

    Three dates in is too soon for him to be calling all the time. You don't have a solid relationship with someone new for at least a month or two.