Am I pushing him away?

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now. Not sure if we hit the comfortable stage yet or if I did something to change my BF's pattern of communication. About a month ago my boyfriend took on a new hobby and I know he's really into it and he gets really distracted by it but I was beginning to think he was losing interest in me because he was texting me much less (would always get an "i love you" or what are you doing" after 3-4 hrs of not hearing from me) and a few weeks ago we had a little argument which got me very upset and I sought advice from a friend and listened to her to ignore him the whole day- play hard to get. He texted me about work I didn't answer 3 hrs later he texted me saying hope you're relaxing then an hour after that he said well you really must be (I always answer his texts - hours and hours went by before I answered yes I was and left it at that (not like me to do at all). The next day I told him that I texted him that I loved him (by name) and w all my heart where he responded he loved me more. I feel ever since this stupid game he hardly ever reaches out to me unless I reach out first. Did I give him the impression I don't want to be bothered? I miss hearing from him throughout the day/night and now think I look needy reaching out all the time (sometimes I just don't and he won't reach out either). I didn't want to play that game and told him I was upset that day and just needed time to myself to sort out my feelings which he said he understood as we all have our days. We still hang out at least once a week (our norm due to schedules). Thoughts? Advice?

the next day I texted him I love you... not told him I texted him he responded right away with "i love you more"
and he does reply to my texts and phone calls
Ok so a month has gone by now and things were good. Was bf's birthday earlier in the month we had a great time celebrating. he was extremely happy - loved my gifts and said how they just made him think how thoughftul I am and that he loves me so much even said he missed me (day after seeing him). He ends up getting the flu the next time we were to hang out - stayed at my place an entire week. I took very good care of him and he was very grateful and told me he loved me very much.
Following week he recouped at home still very weak hardly a voice. Did not go to work or gym or anything. Invited him out on Sat but he hadn't slet well fri and we actually got into a fight because I wanted to go up to see him and he said he wanted to be alone (plus his house is a compelte mess - including mess his dogs made). He apologized for yelling at me via text a few hrs later. I accepted apology and told him that I just felt like I was asking for too much when I don't and that when he needs
space I give it to him no problem. I called him in te morning he did not answer or call back. I texted him early afternoon and I did not hear back from him until later that night via text told me everything is OK. I did not take your text the wrong way. I asked if he was still in a bad mood he said he was I told him I wouldn't bother him and taht I love him and he said I love you back. That was Sunday. Today is Thursday he hasn't called me once. He hasn't answered any of my calls until a few


Most Helpful Girl

  • Just sounds like the normal course of a relationship really.. most couples around the year mark get to the point where they relax off the communication a little and start making a bit more time to accommodate other interests, especially if the relationship's been quite intense. It would be impossible to keep up that pace forever.

    When a guy gets serious about about a girl, he often has to make the choice give up some aspects of his previous single social life - especially if his friends are largely single blokes who'll want to be out on the pull (understand, he probably a devoted a lot of energy to this particular pursuit as a single man, in one form or another). Once the honeymoon period is over, he'll often look to reclaim some of that independence and masculine outlet through pursuing a hobby like playing a sport. Not only is this a positive sign that he's an emotionally mature and well-rounded person, but also that he sees a future with you, so you ought not to see it as a threat to the relationship (though it's understandable that you do and quite a common reaction).

    My advice is to relax off and give him some space to develop his hobby. Better yet - encourage him! Men love to be around a woman who will support them to be the best they can be. I'd avoid trying to get too involved in it, though, unless he invites you to - it's just a thing with men where they need their own things. Besides, it can keep the spark ignited in the long run if you have to miss each other sometimes.. absence makes the heart grow fonder. You can use the extra time to take up a hobby of your own. Having a passion for something -anything- is hot, and you'll find that when you develop your own interests you have no problems luring him back when he's distracted. This brings me to my final point.. don't play games! Though you might get the immediate results you were looking for, in the long run anyone will resent being played with, especially if they take care to be up-front and honest with you. There's a lot to be said for being a little less available, but let that be the natural outcome of you filling up your time.

    • thanks for your advice. guess I just get nervous as its only natural for the comfort to start setting in. when we were getting to know each other (seeing each other phase) and talking abut relationships he told me he always hates being the one to break things off and I guess when I started to notice the decrease in communication I freaked - really no reason to as we still hang out like normal and he does tell me that he loves me. if he didn't want to be w me I sure this wouldn't be happening.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Just sounds like an average relationship to me. I wouldn't be worrying about it

    • thanks for your reply. Average in what sense?

    • well at the beginning of the a relationship your usually obsessed with one another.. after time you kinda get bored, and you no longer feel the need to impress one another simply because you know your with them. That's not to say he's going off you.. space creates sexual tension and desire for one another.. so him being a little bit distant is more likely a good thing, rather than a bad thing

    • Totally see your point. Def infatuated in the beginning lol and I agree space is a good think. I just need to stop analyzing every little thing and just chill out!

What Girls Said 1

  • sounds fine to me.. if this is a new hobby, be more understanding I guess, and realize that just because his attention is on something else doesn't mean he loves you less. my boyfriend is somewhat of a gamer and I had to get used to the fact that there were times where he'd focus on the game for hours and I'd just be sitting there.. but I was okay with that because he does still make the effort to see how I'm doing and try to entertain me.

    personally I think that hard to get thing was kinda stupid.. I hate playing hard to get, and it's silly when you're already in a relationship with someone. just talk to him about it. my boyfriend asked me if it bothered me that he played so much and I said no, and when it did, I just tell him, "I WANT YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME." and because I'm usually pretty chill about it, he doesn't mind stopping. you guys have been together long enough that it shouldn't be a problem telling him how you feel about this

    • Thanks for your reply. You are totally right - his attention on something else doesn't mean he loves me less. Also agree the hard to get was stupid I told my friend its not like we just started seeing each other... uggh just need to continue being me and stop analyzing things

    • Show All
    • I agree.. don't be nervous, or if you really are, he's probably the only one who can make you feel better. so talk to him about it

    • meant to say he told me he hates to break things off so he would distance himself to make the girl do it... for got that part and that's why I freaked but you are so right 1) don't be nervous and if I am talk to him! Thanks so much again for your advice and encouragement

Loading... ;