He kissed me, and now he's acting like I scared him off?

I met this guy online... He just moved here this week for an internship. We went on a date and had an awesome time telling stories, playing pool, drinking coffee, wandering around the city, etc. Then, at the end of the date, we ended up making out. It was actually pretty intense... We had good chemistry. He suggested that we meet up again as soon as possible, but ended up waking up sick the next morning.

For the next few days, we texted back and forth all day... He'd text me when he woke up and we'd be talking on and off 'til he went to bed. Then last night, he was talking about having the whole weekend off, and I playfully suggested that we should go on our second date.

This is what he said:

Him: Yeah let's play it by ear. I had a great time on our first date, I just haven't really kissed someone seriously like that since my last girlfriend. It was intense and I've been thinking a lot about if I'm ready. I don't want to rush something good!

Me: Yeah, I definitely wasn't expecting our date to end like that, but I had a great time with you and would love to get to know you better! I don't want to rush into anything either, don't worry :)

Him: Phew, 'cause it's all really intense for me right now with all this change. Thanks for standing by and supporting me!

Me: ha ha you've got a lot going on right now. It's enough with a new job, in a new city, with new roommates. I definitely don't want to overwhelm you :) I just think you're a really cool guy. Whatever happens, happens.

Him: Thanks! You're one of the most dynamic people I've ever met. I'm off to bed now though. Gotta sleep this off. (I'm not sure if he was referring to his cold or his emotions here).

Me: ha ha OK. Sleep tight, feel better, and I'll talk to you later!

Him: Sounds good :)

Last night I added him to Facebook, and he accepted. Today he didn't text me at all, so I texted him saying "Hope you're having a good day :)" and all he said was "Hello! Yes today has been quite nice actually :)" and hasn't said anything else.

Can anyone explain this to me? Did I do something wrong? Is he disinterested? Should I back off? I don't get why he's acting like I did something to scare him away... All we did was kiss, and he's the one who initiated... I really like what I know him and want him to give me a chance. What's with the sudden cold shoulder?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Wait a minute, what exactly in his words or actions suggest that he's giving you a cold shoulder? His behavior and responses indicate positive leanings, not negative ones. He's busy and sick with a cold, but he otherwise has indicated that he likes you. I think you're massively reading into something that isn't there. I'd like you to explain what makes (in your mind) his behavior or wording thinking that he's blowing you off? Do you want to be messaged constantly? Is it because he didn't set up immediate plans for the future or suggest a relationship? What gives?

    • Haha no, it's just that he seems to think that going on a second date is "rushing something good?" Talked to me all day, every day since Sunday, then nothing today..? I don't know. I guess the change in behavior just caught me off-guard and maybe I've been reading into it as more than it is.

    • Show All
    • But you're still in touch, right? And you know he's busy? Why don't you suggest that you'd like to cook for him and bring it over so he can enjoy a new meal in his new place? You don't have to stare at your cell phone waiting for him to get back to you. ;)

    • Haha I guess you're right. :)

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What Guys Said 4

  • Some people become scared if it goes too far on the first date. It is also possible that if it ended intensely, he might think that you are too easy for him. Some guys really apreciate a girl only if they have to win her.

    Anyway, it has been suggested in research that if the partners move too quickly in the relationship, the relationship will not last long. This is where it went wrong, possibly.

    The cold, if it was genuine, might have been the interfering factor. He could regret that it occurred at the time. And now some part of him may incorrectly assume that he lost an opportunity to see you again. It is as if he failed you.

    One other, though unlikely reason, may be your "ha ha." Depending on what kind that "ha ha" is, he may incorrectly assume that you do not take him seriously.

    Pausing for a few days may be a solution. You may also initiate a discussion with him about what went wrong. If you ask him directly about his silence, he may explain and all will become clear. Then you may reinitiate the relationship at a slower pace.

  • Holy.. Relax your fine. Some guys may not like texting all day so don't overwhelm him just play it cool and have fun. I'm sure he will contact you soon. I don't see any reason for him not to.

  • Girl don't stress, you did nothing wrong at all, period! I think you're expecting these lengthy, heavenly texts like youve been exchanging and when he doesn't send one, you're panicking (I'm similar to you lol). You asked him how his day was, and he answered, with exclamation points and smiley faces might I add haha. Here's what to do: pull back a bit, don't text him for a while, maybe a couple days and let him come forward. The guy is swamped with things which is tiring and yes he's interested in you, just give him some space to sort out the other things in his life and keep yourself busy.

  • i am telling you about his nature.

    As he dated before you with some one as I understand from your story, and now he is in somewhere other place. This type of boys are using girls for only enjoyment. If he was interesting in you he defiantly contact you at most of the time.

    I think you should think about to left him and enjoy your life with someone nice and caring life partner. Don't waste your life in dating, just search a nice life partner and marry him.

    It is my advise to you dear.

    Take care


What Girls Said 2

  • The deal is that you two had a great first date but it sounds like it lasted a long time and ended intensely. In my experience rather than that being a good thing, that can be poison. My belief is that it feels too much like a relationship and guys freak when that happens. Girls can too.

    First dates should be a few hours, no matter how fun it is. Much better to leave a desire for the next date than have a guy feel overwhelmed. Face it, this great date triggered this guy to think about his ex, a lost love, and that means he is thinking of the sad part of a relationship. He's thinking about how it hurts when you give your heart to someone and it ends.

    My experience has been that guys take longer to fall but when they do, they fall hard and will often stay in a dysfunctional relationship longer than many women will. So, right now this guy is pulling back and the more you initiate contact and tease about the next date, the less likely he is to want one. Enjoy your life, don't contact him and you never know what will happen.

  • Sometimes people get too wrapped up in their own lives. Don't text him for a few days and allow him to text you. If he doesn't initiate a date with you, let him know you'd like to see him again. I don't know why the sudden cold shoulder...because if he isn't opening up with you completely what can you really do? Let him know your still interested... If he continues this way then eventually stop texting him. You need someone who is going to let you know what they want, not send mixed signals.


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