you dated someone for two years they are your first but they are controlling what you do and make you depress and un happy.
you date another girl who you are very happy with and like but leave her for the ex that made you depressed.
whats the point?
Most Helpful Guy
in psychology there is some saying that goes like "pathology calls for pathology", rarely does a controlling personality gets in a relationship with someone that does not have the pathology that complements her, if he was for 2 years with a controlling girl then is almost obvious he liked being controlled, perhaps "like" is not the right word, think of it as drugs, you know is not right but you are hooked, you can't let go that easy, it may have taken all his will power to quit but, like many addicts, temptation is strong and can fall back, and it gets worse in this situation since, if he was the controlling one it would be easier, not a lot, but easier, since he would be the one in power of the duo, then it would be easier for him to remain strong, but in this dinamic he is the weak one, and the vulnerable, and she knows how to manage him, how to get the best of him, she is the strong one right?
also, more simplw, they were together 2 years, it is bound to leave a mark on him, any relationship that long would, and also, is like the story of the man who lives years on a cave, and when he is finally free he is afraid of the outer world, being captive may be depressing, but is easy, at least easier than taking your own choices and looking out for yourself, responsability is the price to pay for freedom, and as Erich Fromm said in his book Scape From Freedom, we humans have that fear deeply root, we want freedom, but are scare of taking responsability, is easier to be the response instead of the stimuli.
one of my best friends is sadly on the same situation, he has a lot going for him, and lots of friends and even girl who love him, he has his way with the ladies, but keeps going back to the one who treats him like a pet (and not a particularly loved one), is truly sad and it makes me sad, do not know how to help him, talking does not work, but, if it helps you, 2 things I've learned from him:
1) being there for him either for love or pity does not help, my friend would come back hurt every month, 2 or 3 ladies will be like "poor thing, come to me, I'll love you right" only to be used for him to heal, and once healed he goes back to her and turns his back to much better ladies and all his friends who supported him when he cried, in the long run, is better to not be the one to say "is OK, I support you", seems to me that he has matured more when he was hurt and there was nobody to pick him up, since he had to man up and reevaluate his life, now we all let him fight his battles, and seems to be improving,
2) as sad as it is, just like with drugs, you don't want to get caught up in that drama, you may love him, but you don't deserve the chaos, it hust deeply, but there comes the time to say "I love you, but won't be part of this, I'll keep loving you, but you need to put your life together, I'm with you for many things, to support you, but THIS is not one of those things", again it will be better for all people involved even if it hurts1