Girl meets boy - was it too soon to let go?

I started talking to this guy I've met online in November. we have been messaging back and forth pretty much every single day. until we met up for the first time in December. we decided on doing some Christmas shopping and we grabbed lunch together. he asked for the check and I instantly reached out for it and paid. no big deal. we continued talking via text. I continuously flirted with him etc but I felt like it wasn't going anywhere. he never asked me out again. so last week he texted me saying "I woke up thinking about you". I told him I need to forget you and he said "ok" but I didn't wanna leave it at that - I wanted to make sure he understood so I said "I like you and I'm attracted to you but my intuition says it's not going anywhere". what I meant was after all this time, a total of two months texting and only seeing him once that time I kinda lost hope... he hasn't texted me back since. I figured, like he has told me before, be is too picky he probably won't put up with this kinda stuff. jokes on me I guess. thanks for listening.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I won't completely disagree with you that things might have appeared to move a bit slow. I know if I had been in his shoes, it would have been obvious that we had something going on and I would have moved a bit faster.

    That being said, 3 months is not a super long time, especially considering the circumstances. You only met in person a month ago and it seems to me you haven't met in person much since then.

    First of all you have to understand how guys work. Generally speaking, we move slower than you, when we want something serious that is. We like to take the time to really get to know the girl and build a friendship. This can takes months. The girls on the other hand get bored. Girls get that quick spark right when they meet someone and it fizzles out really quickly if nothing happens right away. So on a male timeline, he was right on pace.

    Also, you have to understand that guys are less capable at leading virtual relationships than women. We're not the communicators that women are. In the past, before cell phones and the internet. You had to meet someone in person to talk to them and interact. You couldn't text them every day you were apart in order to continue to progress a relationship. This has forced people to expect a much quicker speed in the pace of their relationship. What used to take months to figure out, now can take a matter of days because we can text all day, every day, with each other. Women have taken hold of this technological boom in terms of relationships, more than men have. Again, it has to do with the difference between genders as it relates to their innate need to communicate. Men don't bond through communication, we bond through physical touch and close proximity. So in a situation like yours, the guy is going to put the relationship on pause until he sees you again, because texting in his eyes, is not an ample medium to build a relationship on. For you that communication over text progresses the relationship, for him it doesn't. Just like, if the two of you were always together, cuddling, holding hands, sitting next to each other, and hooking up, even if you weren't saying a word to each other, he'll feel like the relationship is progressing but you won't.

    At the end of the day, I'm not standing in your shoes and there is something to be said for your intuition and feeling like things were at a standstill. I just wanted to give you some food for thought so if not now, for the future, you can have a better understanding how both genders communicate and gauge the progress of a relationship.

    • thank you so much for the input - it definitely gives me something to think about. I know I may have overreacted so do you think I should apologize for my behavior or should I let it go because honestly I can't stop thinking about him yet I do want to be respectful towards his time etc.

    • If you seek to try the relationship again, then yes, feel free to open up communications again, otherwise I wouldn't bother. He's not going to be interested in a simple friendship, trust me. If you do seek a relationship again with him. Just have an adult conversation. Simple tell him what I told you. Apologize, let him know what when through your head and that you understand what was probably going through his head. Show your willingness to compromise and start over.

    • Half the time its not even always entirely about what you say or the solution you propose. It's whether or you simply handle it like an adult. When you show maturing in sticky situations is speaks a million words about you. Especially to guys who are logical. We like to see a girl who can think rationally and logically about a situation as opposed to acting like a emotional 12yr old.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Whatever, move on.

    If you didn't feel something there you made the right call, all there is too it.

    Of course it's a bit of a blunt thing to do, but doesn't sound like either of you took the initiative to text back. I would have said "...k...?"

    Doesn't sound like he was too concerned so whatever.

    • I agree and I will - thank you. I mean I did text and explained to him and thought he might need some time to think about it but oh well... on to the next lol

  • You lost me at the point where you paid for the check. Sorry but in my opinion you need a man

    • lol - I know :D

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    • lmao - I was just wondering if its possible to add sillu :P

    • Sure yes...add me if we are not already friends

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