Would you keep dating a person who made you plan B?

So about week ago I asked this girl out for dinner on her birthday. She said she was going out of town and wouldn't be back for her birthday. So, on her birthday I give her a text wishing her happy birthday, she comes back with thanks and if I would still like to have dinner with her on her birthday. I said sure, so during conversation I find out that I am plan B since her initial plans failed. This would be the 4th date with her, and there is a strong attraction to each other. And date went well even though I was plane B.

1.would you still date a person like that?

2.would you feel disrespected?

3.would you ever call them back?

4.would you feel used, since maybe she had no one else to spend it with, so she just didn't want to me lonely on her birthday?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok, as an outside observer, it seemed like she didn't actually make you plan B. She already had plans to go out of town. It's rude to cancel plans once they are made. Since the plans fell, she seemed to wonder if you were still available, and you were. I don't think she was intentionally choosing the other option over you. It just happens. ALSO, I think you should've reconsidered the eagerness with which you told her you were free. That almost makes it seem like you have nothing else going on. Girls don't like that and if it happens to often, she will relegate you to being a "plan B" type of guy. I think you put yourself in this situation completely.

    • Thanks for the answer,but her bd was last night on a Monday and really didn't have plans. But I can see what you mean though. If really did have plans I surely would have reconsidered my offer.

    • Hmmm, well in that case, maybe she was feeling a little unsure of how she felt about you. It does seem to be a new thing after all. I think she may have decided that she did want to spend her birthday with you when it came down to it. Also, maybe you can try becoming a little less available. This link may explain a little more. :)


    • She is being very cautious and my availability is really kind of, not really that available lol, I don't date her on weekends since I snow board all weekend, and I don't call or text more then once a week because of work. To make sure I don't fall in to any friends zone. I won't even add her as a FB friend..Thanks for the link I will check it out.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • 1. If you guys are attracted to each other, then you should learn to let go off such small things.

    2.You should try to understand that she had already made a plan before you asked her for the birthday date, so since the previous one got canceled it is so obvious that she would try to make it up to you by accepting to go with you...Just imagine, if she had still turned you down even after her trip was canceled..would you feel good at all? You would feel as if you dnt mean anything to her,if that happened.

    3.Of course

    4.NO...bcoz of the reasons given in 1. & 2.

    • Thanks True, but now that she actually sees as dating and not hanging out, should the games continue? I was planning to ask her out next for happy hour again or should I wait for her to contact me again. We are very into each other and not sure if I should take the slow way through this or go as fast as she seems to want go. She was very physical on her birthday with me, lots of making out and heavy petting.

    • I would say that you should give her a lot of attention. Text her, give her flowers sometimes, be nice to her. If you want to spend time with her, dnt let it be just a date, now that you guys have already been on your 4th date, ask her to HELP you(just an excuse to spend tie with her)with anything,shopping, or anything else that you can't do alone, let her know that you are serious about her, you dnt have to worry about the dates now,you will get a lot of them.

    • Actually, it seems not contacting her and making her contact me is working much better then being available. I drunk text her a few days ago, and stopped talking to her for few days. Now she is the one that wants to go on date.

  • It depends what you want.

    Personally when I date someone I give them my full attention... he's my focus, I'm not looking for other guys. If it isn't the same for him then I'd feel used and probably won't stick around for very long.

    • Well not really sure what this is leading too, way to early to know.. Just wasn't sure about that comment during the date.. thank for your answer.

  • Dude, she had already made plans before the date came up. Those plans failed so she became free for a date. She didn't give an excuse and say no to the date, so I don't see anything wrong with it.

    When I saw your question title, I was thinking "oh maybe a girl's date with someone else didn't work out so she decided to go out with you instead." Now THAT would have been a not so good scenario.

    But if her failed plan was like a birthday party that was to be thrown by her friends/family, or something like that, I don't see why you should be bothered about it.

  • It depends on what her first plan was. If it was celebrating with her friends out of town, then you don't have a case.

    If it were with another dude, then yeah,after 4 dates I would be pretty mad.

    • She told either her friends are coming up here to visit and they may have, or she was going down there. But, it ended up her going to see them and her telling me it wasn't worth staying down there for another day. So, she broke her own plans to come here and not sure why either.

    • Sounds like you've got nothing to worry about.

  • Try this(Tell her that "if you see 1000 cranes all together, you will find your true love". And then give her paper crane that you have folded yourself. Its silly but she would wait for the next one, and then the next one.

  • 1. I wouldn't date a person who made me their back-up plan.

    2. Yes I would feel disrespected

    3. I would call them back to be polite but not to chase them

    4. Yes I would feel used.

    • I felt that way after date, but after processing what actually happened on the date and she basically broke her plans came home early wanted to go out with me. I feel more honored now, she could have easily not wanted to do the date at all. It's her Bday and that is usually a special day you spend with people that make you happy. So, I take as compliment now.

  • I think you're over-reacting. She already had plans, what do you expect her to do? Cancel them? If she was constantly choosing you last then yeah, I could see the frustration, but she didn't choose you last and it doesn't sound like she's been doing this. Besides, it's HER BIRTHDAY! Not yours. And question 4, "maybe she had no one else," what does that have to do with anything? Maybe she had lots of people to spend it with but she chose you? Don't be so sensitive.

    • Thanks lol I thought girls liked guys that are sensitive. To bad I never show it to them ;(

What Guys Said 7

  • Well,ur not exactly plan B,If you were,she wouldn't have told you.She was supposed to be out of town for her bd but sth came up so she happens to be in town for her bd now.She should have called you to tell you she's available but she told you that when she replied to your text.You're not plan B but since she didn't initiate contact,you're not Plan A also (for now).I'd definitely date her,I don't expect to be plan A before we have our first date at least.Good luck :)

    • She told me she didn't see the reason to stay out of town and she really didn't want to use her PTO on Monday. Since she is about to get a promotion at work.

  • You were plan B, but maybe not because of a guy. It might have been because she had planned it for a long time with friends or family, but decided, after you have invited her, that she was prefering to spend that evening with you; or that for some reason, her friends/family couldn't make it.

    But you could also not be plan B. It could just be she felt it was too "official" an occasion for a date and said no at first (implying she lied about being out of town), but after thinking about it, finally said yes.

    I think it's the last option, because you have to give her a present, and you can't do a mistake here. Something too big will make you appear to be coming too strong, and something too petty will make you appear to be cheap. Actually that's a hard situation you've put yourself in ;)

    So no jewellery, no clothes. A box of chocolate perhaps, or a nice flowers bouquet if you go and pick her up (you don't want to carry them at a restaurant) ?

    Find something that won't embarass her (being too expensive or personal) and that won't embarass you (being too cheap).

    • I got her a book, reading is fun I have been told :) Would that be consider to extravagant or to cheap? Thanks answer..

    • A book is great if it is about something she told you she was interested in.

      I rarely offer books because I have very different taste from most of the people I know, or because they don't read (which is quite sad if you ask me). So if you have spotted something you are sure she will like, it's a good idea. Good luck with your date :)

    • On our last date, I asked to to come with me shopping real quick for some stuff I needed. What girl do you know does not like to shop? She picked the book out while she waited for me to finish up. ;) Thanks! The date was great, just not sure how to take your my back plan since her other plans fell through and did not really want to pry and find out what plans fell through.

  • What were her plans before she met up with you?

  • 4

    • Her plans where to staying out of town, but she decided it wasn't worth it and came back early.

    • okay, maybe she's legit then, you should test her out next time.

    • How would you go about testing someone? Any way been any more dates with her now. Thanks for the advice.

  • As long as you're gettin' some, or are soon, don't sweat it.

    • You disagree tru? In the words of the late, great Janis Joplin, "Get it while you can".

      BTW you take a nice picture.

  • i wish a girl would like me

  • 1. sure its so early on whatever after 3 dates you wouldn't already be the most important person in her life and the fact she came to you shows she cares

    2. nah

    3. yes

    4. I don't think that is what happened with her.

    if, and only if, she's smoking hot, give it another go!

    • I like the answers! To me she is HOT so might give her another shot.. I have a very protective friend that is a girl she seemed really bothered about her comments as plan B. So, just wanted some prospective of people that this might have happened too.