When I repeatedly tell a guy I don't want to date him and he just doesn't get it why is the onus on me

to sit him down and bluntly break his heart in hopes he gets it this FIFTH TIME?

Isn't it his own choice to follow me around and initiate a friendship?

Why do I have to take responsibility for their feelings when he won't do it himself just because I do not want to date them and have told them that a few times and he refuses to accept it?

Why do I have to waste my time and put myself in an uncomfortable position for which I am labelled a "bitch" for making someone sad even though he's the one who chooses not to give up?!?!?

Seriously, WHAT THE f***?!

Why can't guys just realize NO MEANS NO!?!?!

I can't date the person I want to date and thus I have accepted it. Why can't men do this too?!?!? Why do they get the "only girl in the world" complex/delusion?!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Men are given the message constantly that when it comes to courting a woman (and other endeavours), persistence pays off. That message comes from both sides of the gender line, so I don;t think it's fair to characterize it as a male problem.

    "Why do I have to take responsibility for their feelings"

    Because hopefully you are human and not one of the feminism-spawned heartless females who cares about no one but herself. Make it clear to the guy you're not interested but try to spare his feelings as much as you can while doing so. Lie to him if you must.

    • Regarding no meaning no, women are notoriously difficult to read and what one says is often NOT what she means. It's not men who you should be blaming for that.

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What Guys Said 4

  • The concept of the soul mate is overpopularise in the western society. This belief has female origins but can find a place in feminised men too. Problem is, men ignore the mechanism of mate selection in women. And it seems all of this is just going to get worse in the future.

    My suggestion:

    -Tell him to f*ck off, and mean it.

    -Threaten him to call the police.

    -Let everyone knows about your situation and the possibility of this guy being dangerous.

    This guy's probably just a socially awkward guy who lacks relationship skills. But it's better to play it on the safe side.

  • Well if he's come to you five times, you've let him approach you four times too many.

    I'm sorry to say this, but women are champions when it comes to no means yes and yes means no, so the only way for him to clearly understand the situation is you telling him to leave you alone, then to completely ignore him, phone, mail, text or in person.

  • If this is truly the case of you having told him no repeatedly, then at this point it's time to let him know that if he continues you'll contact the police since that's harassment.

  • I understand about relationships, you wouldn't want to jump in one too soon or at all if you don't like the person, but a date? Unless you already know the guy and don't like him then I understand, but for a man that is just asking for a some time to spend with you so he gets that opportunity to show you what he is about and if he is the right guy to sweep you off your feet, that's not asking for much! Maybe I feel this way because when ever I asked a girl to get a cup of coffee or something to eat, I just get shut down; with out the given chance to show her who I am. I got sick and tired of the way women responded and just stopped approaching. Now nobody gets my attention!

    • I don't want to date right now! It seems as though society values a man's desire to date me more than my desire not to date him, or any other man...

    • And maybe you're not the problem but some guys you date once and in their mind you are now their possession and involved in a full blown relationship! That's why we don't go on "just one date."

      It's also somewhat like saying "probably not" instead of no dating him even though we don't really want to...

    • Well, I wouldn't date you, so not everybody in society cares if you have a happy ending or not!

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