My ex already dating after 3 years.

Sadly I trust your guys opinions a lot more then my real world friends, as they just make me start thinking paranoid. So here it goes.

Me and my girlfriend were dating for almost 3 years, we never fought, always got along, it honesty it was a blast. But she broke up with me about a week ago because she said she has fallen out of love with me and doesn't want to continue this as it will hurt me more later on. I was/am very hurt, but her logic was sound and seemed almost noble to me. But then, she starting dating this guy openly yesterday, not 5 days after our break-up. Now my friends are completely trying to convince me that she had to have been cheating on me and that I am just in denial, which I may be. So please, would love your guys opinions on this as I am just at a loss for words and my brain just isn't functioning like it used to atm.

  • She was cheating
    Vote A
  • She met him afterwards
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
so update from a mutual friend who got word of what my friends were saying: She was distraught after breaking up and went out crazy partying and met a guy, brought him home, kind of liked him, so they decided to date. So I feel way better about the situation. Kind of makes me rethink my opinion of her, but oh well. Case closed


Most Helpful Guy

  • Friends many times don't want to understand your current feelings, otherwise they would not talk like that. Quite objectively, I think she had a thing for the guy when you guys were breaking up, but probably nothing happened until then. If it calms you down, that guy is a poor sab who won't have her completely ever. Many times such things are just a rebound and don't last. If you are able make your mind work now over your heart then you will learn a lesson almost every guy has to learn these days, it is an emotional lesson. It happened to strengthen you. Don't miss out on months later to come regret from your ex, but most probably not to get together again (even though that is your biggest secret wish)- It will be actually because she misses that real love you gave her and she gave you, but it was way too tiny against the romantic notion and the "world image of love" itself. Both of you lack something, and once filled in a life phase more you might not want her anymore and otherwise.Also it will be because she sees love as an emotional state alone to fall in or out of love. Basically there is nothing in and out of love. It is just romance which ends and starts again. Love my dear friend is a total different ball game, where romance becomes a sided robin hood in batmans battle of love. It is a battle with yourself, believe it or not. The stronger you are, the better versions of your Ex you will find one day and keep. Balance first.

    Why I say this about the emotional state of girls, because they are the ones most probably jump into the next relationship, as its much tougher for them to get out of love in the emotional sense and they deal with this fact much better than boys. Its like they never got out of "love". At least that's how this lie to themselves and so do we guys in our own ways. But that only a free will can change for itself, you can't bend characters and upbringings.

    For your own sake and your feelings to be balanced again, keep no contact with your ex for a while. Best only after you dated a girl and felt good about it. May take months or even years, up to you.

    Maybe you just loved that image of you two being together and also keeping a nice picture, instead of understanding yourself first and ask whether you were the best confident, happy with yourself. As a guy your Ego is hurt like crazy, how could she do this? Well I just told you, its not that they are evil. Its utter insecurity, and every human their own pace towards evolving. And maybe changing from you to someone else is also part of evolving, but this current state is not sustainable. You definitely have to evolve now and become a real man..most guys never do-

    Dont demonize her, just let her be on her own. And you are on your own, and now is the time to strengthen your inner self bro and not get carried away with emotions alone.

    Become now what you always wanted to become, work out, meditate and get out there to meet people and not to talk about your ex, but to think about u

    • Not picking you because you wrote the longest, but because you gave the best advice and made me feel, well better. Thanks

    • Im glad :) it did!

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What Girls Said 3

  • I don't think she was cheating on you. If you trusted her in the relationship than you can continue to trust her now. She said that she fell out of love with you, so chances are she fell in love with someone else. That's a terribly unfortunate situation, but it happens. She probably met him during and realized that she had stronger feelings for him and didn't want to string you along, but that doesn't mean that she cheated on you. I'm sorry it didn't work out but take some time and maybe if you're up for it you can talk to her about it.

    • I see what you are saying but people don't fall in and out of love. You can lust after someone or really like them but love isn't the same thing

  • I don't think she was cheating on you. She probably just developed feelings for him during the period that she "fell" out of love with you. But, there is no "falling out" of love; you were either in love with them, unconditionally - or you never truly loved them with all of your heart.

    Don't listen to your friends, friends typically tend to make the situation worse when they talk instead of comfort. Take some time for yourself and think. It will take time. She is most likely making stupid mistakes because she is hurt and/or confused. You'll be alright sweetie :1

    • Thanks, but doesn't developing feelings for someone and pursuing them while still with your boyfriend constitute as cheating even if you don't love them?

    • Show All
    • I'm sorry :/

    • You are actually right

  • She probably was cheating or at least trying to get to know him


What Guys Said 5

  • You are really missing the point that it doesn't matter. You are no longer together, it sucks, but move on. Maybe she was with this person before you broke up, maybe not, but what good is it going to do you to know the answer? Unless you just love to get hurt, leave it alone.

    This is all you need to know...

    You and her are over and she has moved on with her life. My advice to you is that you do the same. Don't waste more of your life dwelling on it.

    • I'm going to guess you have never been in a long term relationship before. One does not simply get over a three year happy relationship within a week. Get what you are saying though.. kind of

    • Ive been married for 11 years so I know what a long term relationship is.

      Obviously you are hurt, and you are going to be even more hurt if you find out she was cheating. This matters is you are still together ,but your not so it won't help you at all. It will only cause you more hurt.

      Look what you just said to me.. "One does not get over a 3 year relationship in a week" if you know that then either your wrong cause she did, or you have your answer. Let it go man you'ur just gonna get hurt.

  • rather than cheating I believe she had been close with this guy for a while and broke up with you in order to be with him. It's not uncommon for a girl to "fall out of love" or rather there are a lot of aspects that she was missing from you but sufficiently provided by the other guy. I believe this is the case most of the times.

  • I can't say she was cheating, but it's a good bet she was interested in him for awhile now and broke up so she could be with him... hopefully she did it before cheating, but with women today? I doubt it :\ sorry if that pisses any of you women off, but your gender cheats just as much, if not more, than men. Even newer studies are showing this.

    • I know, I hate to say this, but even I have fallen to cheating and it goes against everything that I have ever believed in or wanted to do. But, I have a deep regret for what I did and if I could take it back, I would in a heart beat. I had a miscarriage and was in so much pain, my love wasn't there for me and when someone else was, I cheated. There's still no excuse for what I did and no once could ever know how truthfully sorry I am. Most women that cheat today, find it humorous or fun.

    • @update: If she was really distraught, why'd she break up in the first damn place? I call potential bs.

  • I've been in your shoes. Exact same situation to the smallest detail.

    I'm sorry dude but she probably was cheating on you...Or at the very least he's been in her head for a long while.

    Best thing to do is to distract yourself, if you loved her it'll leave an open wound for a while but it won't last too long.

    • Well she wasn't, she just skanked out. I'm sorry if this happened to you, but yeah major distractions are in store for my near future

    • Not sure which would have ultimately bothered me most. Stay strong man, you'll find better.

  • She could have been cheating of course, though there's no reason to assume that. She probably just fell for this other guy and broke up with you to be with him

    • I would still think that is cheating: Meeting a guy secretly and harboring deep emotions for them, all the while being in a relationship with someone else. I dunno, dating someone and putting yourself in that situation definitely means she would have wanted something going on.

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