The Dating Game! Ladies, do you give a guy a REAL chance on the first date?

I ask because I was watching Steve Harvey and he said

"Now I'm saying this to all the ladies. Ladies, when you

go out on a first date don't spend the time assessing if he's

the man of your dreams or not. Just go out and have a

good time. The worst that can happen is that you find

that your not right for each other,but at least you had a

good time" Now, that's not necessarily what he said exactly,

but something to that effect. Anyway, when he said that I

realized how right he was that women don't give men a

fair chance, they start nit picking at STUPID UNIMPORTANT

things the minute he walks through the door. Like, he's not buff

enough or his clothes aren't nice enough or (my personal favorite)

he's not tall enough! Now, this isn't to say that men don't do

the same thing. However, they're just not as obvious and vocal

about as women are.

I just want to state, that I'm not trying to criticize my own

gender, I'm just aware that both genders have flaws. Plus,

I find it hard to relate to women because I don't think the way

they do and it's because of my own insecurities in myself that

I give everyone a fair chance. I know that there's a lot of things

men look for in a woman that I probably don't posses, however if

a man was to give me a chance he may discover that for what I may

lack on his list of things he looks for in a woman. I make up for in

10 fold with other qualities he does want or qualities and other things

he may have not known he wanted. And, never would have had he not

given me a fair chance. That's all I try to do with guys, is give them all

a fair chance. Because if I don't I could potentially miss out on a really

great guy and the love and life I always wanted,that's why I don't weigh

myself down with all these stipulations and a huge list that no man could

ever reach. When you focus on the wrong things instead of searching for who

a person is deep down inside, you miss an opportunity to get to know a truly

beautiful and amazing person who would treat you right.That's just my opinion,

but to eachs own.

So, ladies do you give a guy a REAL fair chance on a first date?

(Men you can answer to if you like) Thanks!


Most Helpful Guy

  • The truth is that most people don't know how to date anymore. Heck, they don't even know what dating is FOR.

    Dating is to allow you to get to know someone in a substantive way, and figuring out if the two of you are compatible for a long-term relationship. That means you need to have a lot of time to talk to each other, and find out what each others hopes, dreams, goals, and aspirations are. You have to find out about their family, their history, and what their values and morals are. You also need to get to know their personality, attitude, and temperament.

    Yes, of course, dates should be fun, but a date isn't about going out to a fancy restaurant or club; it shouldn't be about impressing someone with money or status. Those things could be here today and gone tomorrow. What matters is the person underneath.

    I tell guys all the time: don't spend money on a girl for the first 3 dates at least. Budget $20 or less per date. That's not because they want to be tightwads or stingy, but it forces them to be CREATIVE, and to find fun and interesting things to do that give the couple time to talk to each other and really get to know one-another. If you work out as a couple, there will be plenty of time for gifts and fancy restaurants, and they'll mean FAR more to the girl.

    I used to make those mistakes; fancy, expensive dates trying to impress a girl, and looking back now, I think they just either felt I was trying way too hard, or that I was trying to "buy" them. It never helped the relationship.

    Starting a dozen or so years ago, I started reading dating advice from other people, and I realized how stupid I had been. Since then, my dates have been things like walks, bike rides, picnics in the park, flying kites, renting a tiny sailboat, and even going to the gun range. They were much more personal and productive dates, but I was still apprehensive at first, because they seemed so non-traditional. Across the board, the girls told me they were fantastic dates, and a couple said they were the best dates they'd ever been on, because they were REAL.

    If you want a girl to get to know the real you, and you to get to know the real her, try dating this way. It's far more honest, far more productive, and you get much better results.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • That's why I don't often go on official "dates". The more official things become, the more you're supposed to fill some sort of role.

    Open the doors for her. Pull out her chair for her. Pay for her. You MUST call her later: Not that evening, you'll be too desperate, but if 2 days have gone by, that's rude and you're an a**hole. Give her flowers. Not red flowers, it means you're only interested in sex. But not white flowers, it means you're only interested as friends. etc.etc.etc.

    You know what I want? I want a date, not a job interview or a final exam! Go out. Have fun. Don't expect any more than you're willing to give, and don't count debts and credits.

    They're not a jerk for trying to kiss you when you aren't interested. They aren't a jerk for NOT trying to kiss you when you ARE interested. They're not a jerk for wanting to have sex with you. As long as they respect YOUR stance, they have done nothing wrong. They aren't "objectifying you" or "degrading you by discussing such unsavory endeavors." Just just f***ing think you're sexy.

    Did they offer to pay? That was a nice thing to do. Did they NOT offer to pay? That doesn't make them cheap. They're probably less cheap than you are, if you were expecting them to offer.

    I swear, if I was first introduced to the dating world, I'd wonder how many credit-hours the class was worth, or if I could find a condensed version of the rule book on Cramster or SparkNotes. Under 900 pages, please!

    Why do we feel the need to restrict and control love, and actively seek out something wrong with it?

  • "Now, this isn't to say that men don't do the same thing. However, they're just not as obvious and vocal about as women are."

    Honestly, if we asked you out, we are already OK with your looks. That's working for us. We're trying to get to know you and your personality. We want to enjoy the moment and see who you really are (given we might not see that for another 6 months =P). Yeah I judge women by how they act on a first date, but I can't ever remember a time when I was criticizing her looks in my mind. Like I said, if I asked you out I already think you look pretty good. I might think you look better then usual on a first date, that you have a nice dress on or you did your nails, or the way your hair drapes down the back is lovely.


What Girls Said 6

  • I sure do. That's how I found my wonderful boyfriend. I just enjoy things for what they are.

    It IS important though to watch for certain red flags, lest you become emotionally attached and more likely to overlook incompatible personality traits.

    Look, I do get it. Let go. Enjoy it. But you also don't want to be excessively relaxedor optimistic towards it either. That's WHAT gets women in trouble. Over-idealizing early on and letting things slide as 'unimportant'.

    I just enjoyed them, got to know them, and kept things open and fun. I stayed classy while still maintaining a 'date' atmosphere. I wasn't looking to give a guy opportunities if he simply wasn't my actual type.

    The rule of thumb is not to rush and remember there's plenty of time to get to know them.

  • That's what I did with the guy I'm dating right now. At first I thought that our hook up New Year's Eve was nothing but a meaningless make out and he was only asking me out because he was drunk. He kept asking me the next day if I wanted to go on a real date with him because I deserved it and he didn't want it to be a one time thing. So when he gave me a specific date and time I agreed thinking "what the hell? I don't really see him as a guy I would date but I might as well give it a shot"

    I had a great time on our date and realized that he was a really great catch. I already knew from working with him that he was attractive, smart and ambitious but didn't realize how well our personalities meshed until our first date. We ended up spending the night in my dorm and I lost it to him a few nights later. I regret nothing: he's sweet, caring, honest and funny. He truly respects me and sees a future with us.

    If I hadn't given him a real shot on our first date he wouldn't be my boyfriend right now but simply that coworker I drunkenly made out with New Year's Eve.

  • Yeah I've always felt like any guy that had the guts to ask me out in the first place deserve a fair chance...not just for him but for me. I could be missing out! I'm not that picky with boys though, not on looks anyway. But if they aren't smart and don't have a taste for culture and art, I can tell you it's probably not going to work out. But that's OK. I know my preferences. And that doesn't even mean much, because my boyfriend now, who I adore and want to marry someday, is physically not the kind of guy I would ever have pictured myself with. Infant he's almost the opposite. But being friends with him, I fell in love with him, and I realize that I really couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. So it kind of turned into a love story ha ha but that's my answer. Yes, I try to live in a fair and honest world (though I'm not perfect) and that includes giving the guys that ask me out a shot to show me who they really are

  • I'll be honest, I do analyze everything a guy does on the first date. I will always say yes to a first date, but as for after, it truly depends. I feel like if I don't feel it during the first date, then I probably never will. I'm not a girl who just settles. I never will be. I imagine that someday I will have an amazing love, but if I'm so wrapped up in someone who just isn't quite right for me, I may miss out on the perfect opportunity and man. That's my logic.

  • I couldn't agree more! Dating is just supposed to be fun! You're not always going to have all you want in a guy on a first date. Girls need to accept that and stop being so overly critical especially if they don't have all of their sh*t together physically and mentally, which most human beings don't

  • It's hard to get me to say yes to go on a date with a guy in the first place. Chances are if I said yes, then the guy has a fair chance. et)