Are my expectations too high?

i've never had a boyfriend and I thought it was because I'm shy but I don't know if its really that. I'm starting to think that maybe there's something wrong with me? guys approach me but I always turn them down because I'm not interested in them that way.

my friends tell me I should date someone older than me. I'm 20 By the way. and they said I should date someone who's they're age possibly (late twenties) since they're more grounded and mature than most guys my age. well, I don't know how I can do that.

anyway, I've turned down guys mainly because I didn't feel anything for them. I kind of expect this connection with them. people bore me easily and I feel like they're were kind of boring. I don't mean I want a guy who likes to party or anything or is one of those bad boys or whatever. I want someone I can easily talk to. or someone who is passionate about something. and who isn't selfish and cares about others. I'm sure there's guys like this but the number is limited and maybe they're not in my area. most guys seem to be concerned about getting laid, or going out and having fun. and I guess that's OK too , I know not everyone is like me who doesn't like go out much, but idk. I kind of want a guy who cares about someone or somethings other than themselves. or someone who's smart and nice? and hard working?

i don't even care for looks or money. none of the guys I liked in the past were good looking. ha ha they just seemed really cool. the thing is that they all had something they were passionate about and were good at. I think it was such a turn on.

but idk. I feel like I'm aiming too high maybe? you know, I've tried to give a chance to guys my age but I see how they act and they remind me of children. gosh, I don't mean to sound harsh and I know not all 20 year old guys are like them. I'm willing to give everyone a chance but I just wouldn't date them.

or should I try to be more open minded about dating? or am I gonna have to start relationships through friendship or something? gees, I just don't know.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Part of the problem is probably that you are expecting to see all those qualities in a guy upfront, and that's not usually how it works. The intimate details of who they truly are come out with time as they get comfortable with you.

    Do you date regularly, but have just never had it evolve into a serious relationship? Or do you not date? Because when you say guys approach you but turn them down, it sounds like you don't even bother with dating.

    I'd suggest you change your view on dating. You put all these expectations out there for what you want in a man - and no, I don't think there are anything wrong with those expectations at all. The problem is you want to be able to check all those things off your list before you've been out with the guy. There's no way for you to know whether or not he matches up to what you are looking for.

    Instead of seeing dating as the beginning of a relationship - therefor it must be with the right guy - see it as like.. a risk-free trial. You can spend time dating them and then if you find out you aren't compatible, you haven't actually made a commitment yet and you can move on.

    I have this theory that some people (not all) who are afraid of commitment are afraid because they actually take commitment SO seriously, it makes them afraid to commit until they are 100% sure everything will work out and they won't have to break that commitment.

    • I think this answer hits the nail on the head. You have to get to know the person before you can know what they are like. If there's still nothing there, onto the next one. The more guys you date, the higher the chance you'll stumble across that special guy.

    • Show All
    • Honestly, I could have written your post myself about 10 years ago. You remind me a lot of myself when I was about your age. Feel free to message me if you want to ask more questions

    • Ok. I see. some of the guys who asked me out were guys who I had in my classes and I talked to some of them. I kind of saw that they were alittle too emotional and might be clingy so that's why I rejected them. But for everyone else, I guess I never gave them a chance.

      I'll add you just in case I have any more questions :D

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What Guys Said 2

  • In after the B.A. was already selected, so presumably your answer is already addressed, but I have the same thoughts at times. (*Hold me*) Celestial raises good points, but I avoid dating when I see even the hints of red flags on things since I would rather avoid drama, clinginess, breaking anyone's heart, etc, am assuming you do the same. Just be patient, and never lower your standards, you'll never be happy with the person or yourself if you do.

    • Omg yes. I thought it was just me. Some guys just seem so clingy and I don't like that. I need my space and I don't think they'd understand that. there are just some things I can't overlook.

    • I can't stand clingy guys either. I think sending a guy running when you spot a red flag is completely different than rejecting one just because you can't see the green flag from where you're sitting.

  • The fact you are about one's personality and character means you have your sights set exactly where they should be.

    I am looking for a girl like this too.

    Someday it will work out for us. :)


What Girls Said 0

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