Why is my ex-boyfriend acting like this?

We broke up a little over a week ago, it was a mutual agreement but he said he needed space. I saw no problem in that. The next day he texted me saying he really cares about me and wants to be friends because we never know what will end up happening between us. Two days later he said he wants to meet up and talk...so we did a day later. He said that he already cried over me and while we were talking he cried again. He also said that he wants me to go back to school and get my life going and then we'll talk about 'us.' (I became way too clingy). We've been texting a lot the last few days (he texts me first), and on Sunday I had a problem with my car and he drove half an hour to my work just to help me out. He also said he's not letting me go to my court date alone (it's in downtown, Chicago) because he doesn't want anything to happen to me. When we hang out, he still kisses me and stuff and hugs me. And he texts me everyday. Why is he acting so nice and stuff?


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What Guys Said 1

  • HI there,

    Well firstly its pretty clear... he still loves\cares for you and doesn't like the fact that you guys are 'broken up'.

    Its also pretty clear that he is confused. When he was with you he had the feeling as though things needed to end and that he needed space. Upon receiving that space, he has had that feeling that one gets a few days after a breakup. Its like it all of a sudden descends on you and that's when the feeling of the breakup really sets in. Its like reality hitting you in face and everything seems dark and everything is crappy. Its like as I said... .reality setting in and it sinks in exactly what is happening.

    People have varying reactions to this; some sit and cry, others jump straight into another relationship and others beg and plead the other party to take them back. This guy it appears, is having a truly tough time letting go. So he is doing his utmost in order to maintain any type of contact with you that he can and whilst in that contact he is trying to appease those dreaded feelings by embracing you with affection and so forth.

    When going through a breakup studies have shown that it is not at all dissimilar to going through detox. When in a relationship, those feeling of warmth and being all lovey-dovey releases a chemical in the brain. Hence why when you haven't seen that significant other for an extended period one can feel really crappy. But then once you see that person, you all of sudden feel that sudden release of tension and anxiety and you all of a sudden feel brilliant. That is the chemical actually being released into the body. It can almost be likened to a 'hit', not dissimilar to a drug addict. Then when that is taken away, irrelevant of the circumstances behind it, it feels really ordinary. Its because your body is after that hit of chemical. (dont quote me but I think its serotonin)

    Add into the mix the love, care and emotion in the situation plus just generally missing them, it can be extraordinarily hard to deal with.

    So right now your ex (and possibly yourself - just not in the quick time frame as it did your ex) is going through withdrawals, in addition to everything else that takes place when going through a breakup. He is clearly having a tough time in going through those feelings and is quite evidently, seeking to get rid of these feelings in the only way he knows how. By feeding his addiction.

    So the question is now, as it appears he is unable to do this on his own, do you want the relationship back? I am aware that this was a mutual thing but now it is quite apparent he has changed his mind in relation to this and effectively the ball is now in your court, to decide the fate of the relationship.

    Either way I truly hope things work out for you.

    • I do want him back more than anything. But, I also agree that we should be friends for a while longer so I can work on myself and make myself better.

      Thank you so much for your reply (:

What Girls Said 1

  • How long have you been together for?

    He clearly still cares about you a lot!

    It is hard being friends after the break up, it's hard to stop all the cuddling kissing and hugging but I don't think that's the case here. He still has feelings for you and is probably thinking about getting back with you in near future, maybe he just wants to make sure that's what he really wants, as he probably doesn't want to hurt you. If a guy cries over you then that means he has really strong feelings for you! If he hasn't done anything bad to really hurt you then maybe you should consider getting back with him, as he seems like a nice guy. However remember that the reason he needed space was you becaming too clingy so if you want him back be the complete opposite. Stop being always there for him, instead of seeing him the next day, see him after 2 days, say that you already have plans. If you will get back together remember not to be clingy again! Good luck!

    • We've been together a year and three months.

      And I know, I've really been working on my "clinginess" as most would call it.

      Thank you so much.

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