How could her feelings have changed after one day?

So I have a long history with this girl... Last summer we started hanging out and talking a lot and we got to know each other extremely well. We've told each other things that we haven't told anyone else, and we have get along great when we are hanging out. Eventually we both agreed that we had feelings for each other. But after a couple of months she tells me that she doesn't feel like she is ready to be in a relationship because her feelings scare her and she doesn't know how to act. She also said that she wasn't sure how she felt about me. So we both decided to stay friends and we continued to talk and hang out regularly during the fall and winter. Sometimes it felt like nothing had changed at all. We continued to be there for each other emotionally. Then on New Years Day she suddenly tells me that she still has feelings for me, that she can't stop thinking about me, and that before she was just scared and turned all of her emotions off. She said she was so sorry for what she did pleaded for another chance to be more than friends. I told her that I would love to give it another chance. Then a month later we went on a double date with two of our other friends. We had a lot of fun, we were with each other the entire night and we even flirted a little too. But two weeks later she tells me that she can't go on any longer, that when we were on the double date she felt like she was just hanging out with a group of good friends and that she didn't feel like we were boyfriend and girlfriend. In all honesty, part of that was probably my fault because I was trying to make it less like a date and more like we were hanging out, because I know that she gets scared easily. What really confuses me though and makes me think that she does feel something for me, is that she didn't have a problem when it was just her and I hanging out at jamba the day before. We were clicking a lot, and I could tell that she was interested. It was even her that suggested that we go on a double date the next day. What should I do? Forget about her? Did she feel intimidated and pressured and scared by the other couple on the double date? Did she just want what she couldn't have before, and now that she got it she lost interest? Some of my friends are suggesting that I be more aggressive with her and take her on a real date, maybe even kiss her, to help her realize how she truly feels about me, and to feel more like a couple. I just don't know what to do...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey man, It's time to pull up the emotional trousers. Many guys have been in your position and it's not a great one. You are at a fork in the road without a map. Being aggressive may help, if there is a lingering issue in her head that she hasn't voiced, a little pressure will bring it out. It could be something silly or serious. Be prepared that it might not be what you want to hear. The other avenue you can stroll is to let it go, and I mean fully. It will be impossible for you to move on without a lot of separation. This path may seem tough but it may be less challenging than the emotional roller coaster that you are on. She loves me, she loves me not... Take the chance, if you find yourself back at square one move on. It hurts if it doesn't work out, but you will have the satisfaction knowing that you gave it your all. It is better to have tried and failed than to look back and wonder what if. My opinion, it's ultimatum time. Take her on a proper date and make a move at the end. Make it clear when you are flirting to ensure your not giving mixed messages. If you need some situational tips and tricks, let me know. Good luck.

    • Thanks. The only problem is that I feel like she is very closed off to me at the moment. I don't want to seem overly desperate in asking her on a date, any ideas on how to get her to open up?. And what tips and tricks did you have in mind?

    • Well you have to ask yourself, is this something you want to deal with on an on going basis? You aren't desperate by putting it all out there. I'm warning you this relationship is going to be draining and after months it will be over and you''ll be scratching your head saying, "what happened?" But, also having been there I can assume you're not going to give up. So, if she's closed off, give her some space for a bit. It sounds like she works in cycles, sit back and be patient.

    • Well it has been a little over a week since I last talked to her. I guess I could bring it up in the next couple days. Thanks a lot, I really appreciate it.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I completely agree with your friends. She is probably scared of risking the friendship for something that might not work out...on the double date, maybe she felt like you guys would never be a "real" couple. Take her on a real date, give her a goodnight kiss if it feels right. Since I don't know her, going ALL out might not be the best thing...not a huge over the top fancy dinner, but a fun movie & niceish dinner should do the trick as long as you are holding hands, put your arm around her ...yatta yattaa. make her feel like your girlfriend...not your girl friend.

    also, tell her! the fact that you were trying to be thoughtful and kept it casual on the double date is cute and if she knows maybe she'll be able to give you some insight as to what is and isn't okay with her. make sense?

    • I don't want to seem desperate in asking her on a date though...

    • you guys are either close or you aren't. you guys were friends before right? so keep it simple. tell her you were purposefully keeping it casual. be honest with her. tell her you'd like to take her on a proper date. if she says no she may not be ready for a full relationship yet anyway. but trust me, once a girl likes a guy, her feelings will not change overnight. she's just putting logic above emotion.

    • ok, thanks a lot :)

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