I'm scared of getting too emotionally involved again.

I was seeing one of my neighbors for not even a month. We weren't dating or anything just hooking up. I ended up getting pretty emotionally attached. Then he ended up dating some other girl and it was like a slap in the face. This was before NYE. Since then I haven't really been with any other guys because I'm scared to lose myself. I'm just not sure what to do. I hope if I come across a guy that actually wants something genuine with me that I won't be afraid. Any advice?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Trust me when I tell you that I know exactly how you feel. I've gotten involved with a guy or two just looking for a mutually satisfying arrangement, but I end up liking the guy. I blame it on the oxytocin, and the fact that sex without intimacy is kind of boring for me so even when I didn't think the guy would make good boyfriend material, I'd FIND reasons to like him without realizing it. It was after some retrospective analyzing that I discovered this tendency of mine.

    So I stopped casually seeing guys after that. If you know that you form attachments, I would suggest the same. Date, take your time with a guy, but don't get sexually involved until his intentions have been made clear. Don't be afraid to be clear with guys, because no one is going to look out for your wellbeing like you will. Be straight up and say "I don't date casually, I don't do NSA, FWB, none of that." If a guy is looking for just a good time, he'll likely move on so as to not waste his time. If a guy is looking for a relationship, he'll respect that about you.

    But no matter what happens, try to stay aware. Of your own feelings, of the guy's behavior, of the things you learned from an experience. It might keep you from getting into something that probably isn't the best situation for you. Try not to be afraid to care. Just try to be more discerning about who you're getting involved with. Good luck!

    • thanks yeah I mean I've had sex with guys and not really gotten attached. My neighbor really got to me though (not really neighbors anymore though I moved into my brothers house not fully because of him but partly lol). We were basically strangers too and he was a completely new guy. I have a tendency to go back to guys in my past so it was definitely exciting to be with someone new and that didn't really know me :/ I wish I could find someone I could have that connection with & not be let down

    • Ohh, I see. It's like, we instinctively want to protect ourselves, but like they say: "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." When you're feeling that connection with someone, you just have to make a decision. Either go with it and enjoy it while it lasts (and hope it turns out well) or pass it up (and possibly stuck with "What if"). Only you can decide what you can handle. And now you have a better idea of what you want next time, since you've felt that connection.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I think many girls have been in the same situation as you so you're not alone. your inability to open up/trust and the emotions you are feeling are valuable; it's your mind trying to tell you something as well as protect you from getting hurt again. So try not to dismiss how you feel but rather realize the importance of learning from you emotions and then letting them go. What lesson have you learned from what happened? Once you can answer that, it's time to start realizing the necessity/importance of being open and vulnerable. We can't connect with another individual unless we are completely open and vulnerable to whatever may happen. Going into an interaction with walls up and being mistrustful only leads to disaster. I'm not saying trust 100% every guy you come in contact with; I mean go in trusting yourself and what you've learned from what happened and be willing to be open and optimistic. Yes being vulnerable brings the risk of being hurt but it's a much worse life living defensively and not being emotional and open with others, trust me I've dealt with trust issues in my past. I hope this helped :)

    • Thanks I think I definitely need to learn to trust myself/my feelings again before I open up to another guy completely.

    • Trusting yourself/emotions is all you need, of course that's not always easy to do haha.

What Girls Said 1

  • well if you meet a man you really like and he is something you want you will find yourself opening up again. I have been hurt many times and I vow to myself I will never be open again..and I may even feel scared but I always find myself trying again. Sometimes you are going to be scared that's just all in the process of learning and growing, and becoming a stronger person for it.

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