Should I be worried?

My boyfriend has a friend who's a girl who he's known for 3 years. He talks to her about everything pretty much CONSTANTLY everyday (from the time they wake up to the time they go to bed), even says she's a "bro".

I use to check his phone a lot in the past because he would continually text ex-girlfriends and girls he's slept with.

He started deleting entire conversations with this girl and it really is bothering me. I haven't checked his phone in WEEKS because we got in a huge fight because I just wanted to play a game on his phone and he grabbed the phone away from me and deleted his conversation right in front of me.

I asked him about this and told him it bothers me even though I stopped completely reading his texts (until this morning which I checked out of random) he said he does it because he doesn't want me to get upset about the things they talk about.

Well, my question is if the things he is talking about are so terrible about me should he be talking about it in the first place?

This really bothers me because I have guy friends who I talk to and I have nothing to hide, from whether I'm complaining about something he's done to asking advice. He reads my text messages and gets upset when I talk to guys... but yet he frequently hides from me...


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think if he's been friends with her for three years you should actually be happy. For a guy to have non-sexual female relationships is a great sign that he doesn't simply see women as sexual objects. Perhaps he has deep conversations about personal stuff or perhaps it's things about his relationship, either way he is entitled to have relationships and discuss things outside of you.

    Really what you should consider is, would you rather he only have female friends who are former or potential sexual partners? Maybe it brings about feelings of jealousy but as long as he is honest about his relationship with her and honest with you in general you should try to be patient and understanding.

    Now if he starts behaving strangely or you suspect that he is cheating on you that is another thing but as long as he is simply texting you should try to trust him

    • Guys who have a lot of female friends often do see them as sexual objects. My ex did that; he wouldn't have guy friends, but he would get a harem of female friends who turned him down when he asked them out, and he loved rubbing it in my face.

    • in your experience that's what you've found. from my perspective as a guy, I don't surround myself with scores of women so I can feel like some don juan. Frankly being the lone guy with tons of girls is annoying, but I've had plenty of entirely platonic female friends. I talked to them about personal intimate things and I'd hope my girlfriend wouldn't just be jealous but undestand taht I simply have friends of the opposite sex. It's great to have a female perspective

    • that said, of course her dude could be doing something shady but it didn't sound that way to me. Sounds like he was defensive of what he thought was poking around his phone (which she does)... she should develop trust or dump him but what's the point of being mistrusting and unhappy?

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What Guys Said 1

  • Why in the hell are you guys reading each others texts if you know your gonna get upset against one another?

    You know what the core of the problem is and still yet you both are doing it, it may be that he is flirting with the girls he texts, which sounds really bad though.


What Girls Said 2

  • I feel like he is cheating or at least is hiding flirty conversations with her or something. The frequency of contact (texting all day) is inappropriate because he has you, and I'm guessing he doesn't show you that attention.

    I mean, I don't want my SO searching through my phone, but if he did, I wouldn't have anything to hide and say "no, don't touch it! wah!" (unless he threatened to text embarrassing things from my phone lol).

    "he said he does it because he doesn't want me to get upset about the things they talk about." - Red flag. He knows he's doing something inappropriate but is blaming you, disregarding your feelings as "unreasonable" IMO.

  • He is acting really shady. And as a "girl best bro" I will be honest, we usually have hope that our best 'bro' becomes more than just a friend. I would say your worries are valid. Sit your boyfriend down and tell him how you feel. Something is def. not right.