Does he seriously just want a friend or does he want me back?

Story short: The way this ex-boyfriend broke up with me and the way he treated me after was terrible, hence we were not friends after the break-up, not that I wanted to be because I'm an "all or nothing" kind of person after a break-up. Anyways, fact of the matter is, he popped up after 4-5 months of no contact and basically says hey and the proceeds to tell me that he could use my friendship right now because a friend committed suicide that morning. I was firm but nice and mature when I sent him a message back basically saying that I'm sorry this happened, and I hope it gets better but that I don't understand why he's texting me as if we've been friends all this time and keep in touch, and that I need to be able to focus on my stuyding, and that I had just gone through a breakup (with a new bf) so hearing from him didn't make things any less emotional for me. (Just ftw, he used to screw me up in focusing on school after the break-up and dragged things out so that's why I was afraid of getting upset and distracted again).

After that message he texts me 3 more times between 11pm, 530am, and 930 am all saying that he's sorry and he understands, that I'm a wonderful girl and will find my one, and that he hopes that we can be friends again.

he did all that texting and I literally sent him that one message after a few texts exchanged in finding out who he was since I had his number deleted.

and just so you know, he never really had any close friends if any when we were together, so I'm assuming he doesn't have any close friends now -

my question is, guys, (and girls, what do you think?) would you REALLY text an ex-gf out of the blue when your friend commits suicide when you never kept in touch in the first place? Wouldn't you go to your family about that before you go to an ex-gf? Not to say that he is using the suicide as an excuse, of course not, but do you think that this is what triggered him to talk to me because he thought of me in a time of need and also wants me back? Or does he seriously want my pure platonic "friendship". I just can't fathom why he'd come to me over his family if he didn't have alterior motives in talking to me, as in seeking out my "friendship" in hopes of maybe getting me back.

what do you think?

and for the record, guys, I'm not saying I want this guy back, I'm just seriously curious if he has intentions of talking to me because he wants me back or if he truly wants "a friend." That just seems so desperate and unlikely all he wants considering I'm an ex-gf and the friendships thing, if it's going to happen at all ... usually happens very soon after the break-up, and doesn't occur 8 months later ...
unless the guy wants you back ... correct me if I'm wrong.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You call that a short story?!?! Lol well, I think this experience (which we don't know for sure actually happened unless you really do know), has triggered in him the need/want for the feelings he felt when he was with you be that comfort, love, belonging, etc. If as you say he has no close friends, something like that would have cause him to think back on a person ghat he connected with. With regards to going to the family first, my family broke apart years ago and I've had to detach them from my life so I always turn to friends first, family last, he could be the same.

    He's experienced something that has caused him to reevaluate his past, his actions, and his present. This just makes him human, sometimes we need something lime that in life. He could definitely want to be getting back together and/or wanting to build a friendship. At this point, I can't propose a course of action for you, it's a decision you must make based on what your gut tells you, you're a woman and your instincts are supercharged. Keep in mind this man was a source of great pain and abuse to you for a while, things that should not be simply shrugged off; also keep in mind that if he has been through what he ls going through, he could have definitely changed and perhaps forgiveness is needed on your part. Neither is wrong, but whichever you choose will be the right decision for you.

    • yeah, sorry, I know I didn't keep it short. >_< Wow, you have really good advice. Thanks, I appreciate it. According to him, he does just want friendship, but I think he could be taking it easy because after all this time, the fact that he's coming around now tells me he's obviously reevaluating things to some extent. And you're very right about the fact that he put me through a lot of pain.

    • Show All
    • ... Now a few days ago he texts saying that he thinks he has a bikini top of mine. I checked to see if I had any missing and I didn't ... and the way he described how it looked it didn't sound familiar. I told him it must not be mine, but he still insisted that it must be because I'm the only person he's swam with (since the summer I guess). Do you think he was trying to find an excuse to meet up in person?

    • Yea of course he just wanted to see you! What a random thing to say lol, I would have just asked you to meet up or something but that's just me. So have you made up your mind about seeing him?

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • He could have been reaching out. He could be horny and lonely. The better question is whether you want to waste your time with someone who treated you so poorly.

    • I doubt it's a case or horny ... meaning we didn't have sex when we were together.

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    • well he didn't even call. he texted all this. I'd have a little more respect for him if he straight out came out and said what he meant --- that he missed me or wanted me back, or whatever. Maybe I'm just getting a big head in thinking he wants me back when he really just wants a friend. But like I said, anybody else wouldn't even dream going to an ex you never talk to for someone to lean on when they're close to their family.

    • Your instincts seem to be spot on.

What Girls Said 1

  • maybe he just wants to get to know you first before possibly dating you again.

    • we were in love and together for almost 7 months and very close ... so I'm pretty sure he knew me ... but maybe