What if you're embarassed about where you live, feeling discouraged about dating?

A few months ago I had to move back in with my mother because I had hefty medical bills and other bills to pay and couldn't afford to live where I was living at the time. I don't know how long it'll be before I can move out again, but I'm very uncomfortable there. I'm almost 31 and having to move back is discouraging enough. My mother kinda hoards or "nesting", it's not nearly as bad as what you see on the TV show, but the house is falling apart because my mother is financially irresponsible; spends money on stuff she doesn't need or use. There's clutter all over, can barely close some closets and cabinets, she needs a new roof, a new shower/bath, new deck, etc... It drives me nuts because I'm actually a pretty good handyman, I take care of many things, but this stuff is beyond my skills or beyond my low budget. I actually try to spend as much time away from the house as possible by going to the gym often (mostly), library, coffeeshop, or working in my workshop in the basement. I really just sleep and cook dinner there. I love my mother and I appreciate her letting me live there til I can get back on my feet, but my mother is the laziest person I know, overweight, all she does is watch TV and eat junk food. My lifestyle is very opposite of that. All this has been an issue for years prior to living on my own too, but it's gotten worse since then. I've been wanting to get out more and attempt dating because that whole routine of work, eat, gym, workshop has been getting pretty lonely, eventhough I do enjoy it a lot change is sometimes good.

I'm very embarassed about the appearance of where I live, I don't know anyone who lives like that, and there's no way she's going to change. Whenever I take it upon myself to get rid of clutter, it turns into a war and she won't do anything about it until it's an emergency. I'm a very clean/neat/organized person, but it's very much like "you're only as fast as your slowest wheel", one person's carelessness can stand out more or dominate.

Any advice on how to go about this in dating or communicating this to ladies? It feels really pathetic, but at the same time I think it's a stupid reason to not pursue something good. It does not represent my character, and I don't want it to ever be seen as that. Part of me feels that I shouldn't even bother dating, but my friends are trying to encourage me to do so and tell me not to worry about that stuff, but it doesn't make it go away. Any and all help is greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.

Been trying okcupid for a few weeks. so far, it's pretty intimidating. Most females I've encountered are either way out of my league, they're obese, lie about age, live far away, or made it clear in their profile that they don't want a guy who "lives at home". One pretty lady I was in touch with asked me why after several messages exchanged, so I tell her in a brief paragraph and I haven't received a response since. wooohoooo *sarcasm* but I'm a patient man and I will continue to be.


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What Girls Said 2

  • hello sorry to hear about your dilemma. it definitely sounds like you've developed your own lifestyle that is way different than your mom's. I think the best way to look at the situation is that it is only temporary. and if anyone is going to judge you based on the circumstances of being in a transition until you can financially get back on your feet than forget about them. it's been a tough time for a lot of people and you are definitely not alone in terms of finding yourself in a predicament. take care and don't give up on the future. I hope this helps.

  • well id say make sure whatever girl you date gets to know you first, then when she knows you a little bit hopefully she'd understand what kind of person you are and what your situation is, can you get some help from your other family members to clean/fix the house?

    • I obviously plan to get to know the lady a bit more first, I'm just wondering how/at what point/if I should communicate the issue in my question. My dad (my parents are divorced btw) helps me with some of the things, but this needed home improvement really all depends on my mother; it's her house. Other family members help sometimes, but it's all been temporary solutions. She thinks if she ignores it long enough it'll go away, which is ridiculous. It needs efficient pro work.

    • well when she ends up asking you stuff about where you live, you're pretty much gonna have to tell her, I say just only tell as much as she asks.

      then as you guys hang out and talk more just only reveal so much at a time, ease her into it I say. but pretty much my answer is I wouldn't tell unless she asks firsts. but mostly just what you're comfortable with, don't stress to much on that because its really not that big of a thing, stress on what you will do/say to impress her and compliment her :)

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