Rollercoaster dating/friendship... help!?

I've posted a similar question in the past about this same guy, but he just keeps confusing the hell out of me. Thanks in advance for all of your advice and help!

I've been talking to my guy for a month now, I met him at work and he asked me out on a date. I feel things went kind of fast because we already knew each other. We had 3 dates in one week.

1. we went out for drinks and came back to my place to watch movies and sober up so he could drive home.

2. went out to dinner and came back to my place to watch movies, we ended up having sex that night.

3. I cooked him a Valentine's day dinner

Things were great, we both regretted sex because we are both religious and we agreed to hold off on it until we are in a relationship. A couple of days later he is telling me that it is not the right time in his life to date (due to him getting fired and living with his parents because he just moved back from college). He even made it a point to say that it wasn't me, he likes me and he wants to be with me, but he can't do dating or a relationship right now because his plate is full.

Couple of days later we go on a 'date' to bowling and mini-golfing... it was like nothing had changed. It felt like date and we had a great time. We grabbed a movie and went back to my place and we cuddled and held hands during the movie... definitely didn't feel like friendship.

Couple of days after that he invited me to church, I couldn't go because I was busy. We had another talk and he said that being friends is hard for him too and he wishes he was in a different situation so we could date.

Finally, last night we went on another 'date'. We went ice skating and were holding hands while skating. We went out to dinner afterward and were having a great time (again it felt no different then when we were dating). We began talking again about the issue and I suggested that we tried to label things too quickly and proposed that we don't be 'friends', but we aren't 'dating', we are just enjoying each others company and seeing where it can lead. He liked that idea. He also mentioned that he didn't understand why I was into him... I am pretty sure he has some self-esteem issues.

Well, after that conversation I thought it was a good time to try to kiss him (I was also feeling good from the drinks lol). So I asked him if I could kiss him, and he paused... I could tell he really wanted to, and then he said no. He said that we were just friends right now.

What the heck is going on here?

Last night we made plans for me to go to church with him this Sunday (there is a possibility of meeting his family). He also wants me to meet his friends so we made plans for both of our friend groups to meet on St. Patty's day.

He also asks me who I'm texting whenever I text in front of him... kinda gives me the impression that he is curious if I'm texting a guy or not. So I told him that I have some guys interested in me, but I'm not interested in them because I like him. He seemed happy with that, but didn't understand why I was giving up opportunities. He didn't tell me to date other people, but he didn't say not to either.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think there are several reasons why he could be acting this way, such as,

    1. He really cares about you, but is unsure if he could eventually commit to you (or if you would commit to him), and is therefore unsure how close he should get in order to protect your feelings and his feelings. Although, because you guys had sex, it seems a little late for that.

    2. He has p*rn induced intimacy issues.

    The fact that he asked you why you are into him could be self-esteem related, but he might not understand that. He might simply lack faith in the potential for a great relationship, and needs reassurance.

    Try going on a date that involves doing something that he is really good at, and when you're done, flirtatiously tell him that you loved the way he performed. E.g. if he's good at frisbee, play some frisbee with him and afterward be like, "I love the way you handle the disk. You make it look so easy."

    • 1. Sex was in the heat of the moment and we both agreed that it was too fast and we both wanted to wait before we slept together again. I def think he is guarded though, he has only had one relationship so I think he may be afraid of the unknown.

      2. I don't think he has p*rn induced intimacy issues either. He can show affection just fine, I just think that he is one of those guys who doesn't show it as much as others.

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