Help getting over my girlfriend's past?

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost 2 years now. We're both 20 years old and we started dating the summer after graduation. I always knew she was promiscuous in high school, I just never pictured myself caring for her. She has slept with around 30 guys from the ages of 15-18, she hasn't had a bad upbringing or anything like that. I think she just was addicted to sex. Unfortunately I know half the people who she has had sex or have met them before. I can literally hear a word or think of some random situation and it will send me into a depression. I'm not bothered by just the amount of partners she has had, but by the experiences she has had with them. Before we were dating she told me she has had sex for 4 hours until she couldn't move, and when I think about that I get extremely angry. Not because it happened, but more of the fact that she refuses to do any sort of thing like that with me, am I the one she's dating, not worthy of the same experiences of this so called meaningless experiences with another person? This is just one example of a situation that I am faced with like the one just mentioned. I have spoken face to face with some of her previous partners before we began dating, and some who I even became friends with. Now when I see these people I immediately get disgusted and angry with them and her. I love this girl with all my heart and I would love to marry her, and I believes she feels the same way about me. But sometimes I just cannot handle her past, it eats away and makes me feel sick, and eventually I think it will be the downfall of our relationship.I have tried talking to her about these things that bother me and I have encouraged her to do the same about me, but whenever I ask she becomes infuriated and refuses to speak to me. If anyone has any sort of advice to help me get over this situation once and for all I would be very thankful, I need to be able to see her for her in the now and not for her in the past, it's so difficult though sometimes. Thank you

We have sex quite a bit, but I mean some things, like sex acts that she has done before, she won't do with me. It's very frustrating
Also I am no saint, I've had over 16 sexual partners from ages 16-18 but still I some how feel my situation is different due to the severity of her sexual prowess of her past. And also the fact that she doesn't know half of the girls I have slept with.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You have a right to feel the way that you do, and don't let anyone tell you that you don't. I am not saying she was wrong to do those things or not, after all it is her life, but you certainly have a right to have to feel upset by your partners past. You don't sound like the kind of person that can get over this, nor should you have to pretend to be okay with something that you are no okay with. You need to be with someone that has a past that you can accept. If she isn't even willing to talk to you about your feelings, then there is little hope for this relationship lasting. I would suggests finding a new girlfriend.


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  • If it's really difficult for you having to deal with your girlfriend's past, then you're better off without her. There are a lot of women who are in equal with her or even better than her, and you just need to be with them. This will cause you happiness, and will prevent you entering into unnecessary dramas just like what you're experiencing now with your current girlfriend.

  • Isn't that always great. She'll do all those things with other guys, but not you. You're second tier. And knowing all those guys.. yuk.. it's like having sex with them too. If I wanted this situation, I'd date the office tramp.

    I'd never want to date a woman with such a past. I'd cut all ties and never look back. So long as I don't have to date her or help her in anyway, she can live her as she pleases and sleep with the rest of the high school.

    • This is very true. Talk about a selfish broad.

  • Yeah yeah the "CHASING AMY" bit... It didn't work in the movie, and it won't work here either lol...

    30 guys by age 18? That's a disgusting number of sexual partners (for a boy or a girl)... and if she won't have sex with you, that's unbelievable...

    Just imagine if the roles were reversed: A guy who banged dozens of women meets a new girl. Due to his "promiscuous past", he doesn't want to have sex with this new girl... would this girl appreciate or understand this about him? HELL NO - she'd either be like "Lay the pipe or I'm gone." Nobody would care about this guy's newfound celibacy, so why care about this girl's newfound celibacy?

    "You dump her and you dump her fast." - Sonny, A BRONX TALE

    • I saw your update -

      I was under the impression that she wouldn't have sex with you PERIOD, but I now see it's only certain acts that she's unwilling to perform. That's a BIG difference. If she's not willing to do anal or something, I say just leave it at that.

  • Maybe she regrets pse things in the past? Maybe with you it's not about the crazy sex acts?

    I get where you're coming from though, it'd obviously be weird, but you should try focusing on e present and future, not her past