Boyfriend wants to have kids with me?

So I am 20 and my boyfriend is 25. We haven't been dating for that long yet, about a month, but we've known each other/been friends for about 5 months. Even before we were dating he would casually bring up the topic of having kids with me. I am obviously not ready yet since I'm still in college, and he does say it would be after we get married so he's not pushing it. But he brings up the idea a lot! He is also an elementary teacher and adores kids. So in my case, is it not weird that he is always bringing up "our kids" after not dating for that long? Somehow I don't see how a guy would know he could see himself having kids with me after such a short period of time I think is my problem, so I'm being cautious. Or he could just really know what he wants by now.

Okay I know I'm not having kids anytime soon here. I just want an opinion on if he's serious about having kids SOMEDAY. After marriage. Which I think he is serious and knows what he wants. I just want another opinion. Thanks. :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • I would finish college first, secure your finances, purchase a home first (on your own, not with him) as I would suggest he do the same. You two have no business having kids yet. First, a month of dating and talking about kids already will lead to a disaster. How much do you know about him? How much do you know about his past? His family? What does he know about you? Is everything on the table with the both of you? Does he own a home? Does he have at least 50k in the bank? I know talking about money sounds like a cliche, but to be honest, kids cost money and so does having a family. I would wait till you are at least 28 before you make the decision of having a kid. You asked for an opinion, so there you go.


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What Guys Said 2

  • I personally don't like the thought of people just having kids. Especially not if you're living in an individualistic western society.

    If you're in an individualistic society, your goal in life should not be to cover your basic needs, to make sure you're safe, to gather social bonds and or have a healthy amount of self-esteem. These are more in tune with what you'd expect as a goal, 200-300 years ago.

    I'm being terribly Maslovian but I couldn't concur more with what I said above. At some point you might want to excel beyond your expectations so that you may self-actualize and you should have already done this as close as has been comfortable before you even consider kids.

    When you feel like you have next to nothing left that you want to learn, do or you just randomly happen to find yourself in favorable position where you have an extra 8 hours free time daily for the next 10 years, I don't see the point. I mean you do agree at least on that you shouldn't have kids for personal gratification? It should make it obvious that the person is in dire need of some other sort of attention. The assumption one should have when getting a child is that you might possibly not get anything from it but that you should still give it everything.

    Hope it shed some light on your troubles, best of luck.


  • He's 25, in a different phase. At such age people waste no time and go for what they've set

    Just remember that kids cost hell of a money - even diapers seem to be made of gold according to their price


What Girls Said 1

  • i think he just really likes you. he is a bit older so it is possible that now he is thinking more long term especially because he already has a job. you are in different places in life-it isn't such a large gap that I don't think it's workable but one or both of you will have to compromise a bit.

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