I am at such a disadvantage for when it comes to meeting/dating girls

I am in a big disadvantage in the dating world, I've never had a girlfriend before. I am 22 years old:

- Fat at 6’3 225 and with giant manboobs.

Photo here: link

I’ve lost 100 pounds so far and I'm still working out, even though I recently hit a plateau.

- I live at home with my parents. Can’t afford to move out and my parents never leave.

- I don’t have a lot of money despite living at home and working an $11.25/hour job (it’s complicated and I don’t spend much)

- I’m Black and I don't represent any black stereotypes. It's a double edged sword. I don't have any swag or confidence nor the body for what attracts some girls to black men, yet I still carry all the social burdens of being black. However, I come from a two parent household, go to school, work, have no criminal record and don't have any STDs.

BTW if you didn’t look that the picture I’m very light skinned, but not biracial.

- I’m not able to truly have fun socially unless I’m drunk. I’m socially awkward or boring without it

- I’m sexually inexperienced, only had sex twice (w/ one only girl). Both weren’t that good.

- My penis is only 6.5 inches and 5.25 around (again not fitting a good stereotype)

- I’m not all that smart with a current college GPA of 2.7

- I suffer depression that I can’t seem to shake. I think about suicide every other day. I try to keep my feelings inside and try not to be negative around others.

- I have a gap in my front teeth despite wearing braces for 4 years

- I’m not athletic nor talented

- My town is doesn’t have many options for dating (Central CA)

- I lost most of my friends in late 2012; none were in bad terms we all drifted apart for several reasons. I used to go out and find parties almost every weekend, now I’m lucky to even go out at all.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Several of your problems all involve money. Either get a better job, or go back to school so you can get a better job.

    So you are black. I don't understand why that is an issue for you in attracting a woman. Either a girl will be attracted to you or she won't be.

    You need to get more experience with people, so you feel comfortable around them.

    6 1/2 inches is actually bigger than normal, so you shouldn't worry about that.

    Girls don't see your GPA when they meet you. Improve your education, if you want to come off as more intelligent.

    Your depression could be the result of either your low self esteem, or could be a medical issue. You might want to see a doctor about that.

    Depending on how big the gap is, maybe a dentist could fill in the space. Although that likely isn't as big of a deal as you think it is.

    If you are not athletic or talented, welcome to the club. Most people don't consider themselves to be. That is a pretty normal feeling. It is hard to see your own strengths.

    As for your dating options, it sucks in most places for men. I haven't figured out what to do about that one myself.

    You can always make more friends.

    If you are not happy with who you are, then you need to start working on becoming a better version of yourself. Go back to school, make more money, move out, get some dental work done. Improving yourself needs to be a long term goal. There are no quick fixes.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • You are obviously making progress, it's great that you lost so much weight! Right now it sounds like you just need to be reinvigorated. Work on getting out and meeting people, and practice socializing without alcohol. This might mean joining a club or group, finding a hobby, making more of an effort to get to know people at school, etc.

    You're not perfect, but nobody is. Don't get caught up thinking you have to be Einstein combined with a Calvin Klein model in order to find a girlfriend or succeed socially. You could make more progress with your appearance if you wanted to, but your looks aren't such that they will prevent girls from finding you attractive. It sounds like you need a confidence boost more than anything. Have a little faith in yourself! You DO have the ability to find what you want in life.

  • Just hang in there ! Losing 100 pounds demonstrates that you are goal orientated . You just gotta try to be true to yourself and put yourself out there!

  • Congrats on your weight loss! 100 pounds is huge. You still have a long way to go in improving your appearance, but the worst part is over with! You need CONFIDENCE. Without believing in yourself and being proud of what you have accomplished, you will never get a girlfriend. You have to like yourself before someone else can like you.


What Guys Said 2

  • You have had sex before? You can get a girl my friend.

    Im 25 and still a virgin. You have had better luck than me even.

  • It's not that bad. You still have lots to live for!

    Try going to a local church. They can help you out and help you build new friendships. You also won't have to spend that much money either.