10+ dates with a girl, all good. then incredible sex twice. now she's distant..wth?

So the bed magic happened 10 days ago(after some drinks). We've been dating since the first of February. We're both in college and that's a priority..which means not much connection during the week. I'm 26, she's 24. I've sent a few texts here and there and eventually they all got a response. called her twice over the past 9 days and basically they got followed up with a text the next day. Couldn't line up anything last weekend with the girl( fri or sat). I realize this chick has a life outside of my dumbass but this isn't the reaction I was expecting after sleeping with one another. And it definitely wasn't my performance, she got hers in multiples haha.

I'm head over heels with this chick, and I'm being real careful not to come out as needy/desperate maybe too careful, she could be wondering why isn't he texting me or whatever ya know.. I mailed her a letter yesterday, something simple yet meaningful showing that I liked her.

I saw her at the gym today, unplanned. shot the sh*t for a moment and then started my workout. So. Imma chill for the most part. maybe try and call her in a day or so. I'm not one to chase, and I won't but I want her to know I'm still interested.

I guess the only sorta alarm with her is, I haven't been around her friends much at all. I'm the one to initiate 90% of the communication/dates. which is normal I suppose with this only being a couple months old.

So, what's her deal and how should I handle it?

thanks for the input people. Everything you all have said was in my head too but I just needed to hear it from someone else. . I've set this as a lost cause at this point. It's seemed one-sided and initiating 90% of the time isn't normal. This girl won't answer my calls so there's no real way to plan to talk to her. I guess she got what she wanted and is moving on and or she wasn't that interested.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You initiating 90%? Is this normal for you? I think if she likes you, she would be texting you too, and making plans to see you, but that's just me. I'm a girl who wears her heart on her sleeve. If I like a guy, he knows. I want to spend time with him, I plan ahead. I will text him at least once or twice a day to see how his day is going, or just to talk to him.

    You have to talk to her to see where you two are at. Have you had the official talk yet? Perhaps she doesn't feel the same way or maybe her feelings are waning. This is typical. The honeymoon period (usually the first 3 months) is starting to wear off.

    Talk to her, find out what is up. It could be that she is just busy, or maybe she isn't feeling the same way.

    • @update: Sorry to hear that. At least you found out now rather than keep this going and just confuse your feelings even more. Now you have a chance to find a girl who will value you for who you are and not use you. Good luck!

    • "maybe her feelings are waning" is a bullseye. I got her to open up some today, I think we are gonna try and hit the brakes on this until the semester lets out in about a month. Honestly with our crazy school demands and my job there isn't much time to invest into a relationship, the "honeymoon stage" had quite a few gaps and it apparently got cut short in her eyes. I hope we can still talk in the meantime though. Thanks for your input again this site is awesome for getting unbiased opinions.

    • Thanks! I think that it's good to at least slow down at this point and wait until you have more time. Maybe something will end up happening between you two, maybe not. Time will tell. But the important thing is that you realized that this girl may not be into you. Now you can find someone who is :)

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • It's great that you pursue her for one (too many guys don't these days), and honestly if you're feeling like she's not really returning your interest it could be because of one of a few things.

    1. She's trying to let you come to her/keep you interested (this is what most of us girls do when we don't want to come off as clingy or desperate to scare a guy away ESP. after sex).

    2. She's gauging how you feel about her and if you're serious about her beyond sex or if you'll back out after having gone there.

    3. She's not as interested in you as you are in her (I'm hoping this isn't the case).

    So possibly try to find a time to see her in person, and tell her how you feel and what you want. Being straight forward is the best course of action because girls tend to assume the worst about whether or not a guy likes them. So tell it to her straight and hopefully things turn out!


What Guys Said 2

  • Simply keep pursuing her.

    Let her know that your interest for her is genuine and not just for the sex.

  • You gave no details about how she was distant. LOL you wrote her a letter to show your interested? Just ask yourself this question, is that what a cool asss mother f**cker would do? Let it fizzle out, that's what's happening anyways. And if all you do is initiate everything its not worth it, girls would be doing some work if they wanted to keep you. Just return to her exactly what she's doing. I would go around talking to the other girls at the gym, or talking to your buddies.