How do I get easier to read?

So me and this guy been dating for 8 months or so. Known each other for 10 months total. He says I'm hard to read. I guess I must have this awesome poker face or something. I'm not very good at initiating affection or sex, mostly Because social anxiety makes me "freeze up" (which he is aware of the anxiety). I used to exclusively date women (hes my 1st bf) so he told me one day just treat him like I'd treat my girl. but that feels very awkward to me. like, you can grab a chicks butt, not a dudes. I don't know how to act I guess and it makes me freeze up. what can I do to make my emotional state more obvious to read? should I just try to loosen up and shower him with my affections like I do my girls?

ok, let me explain a little more, I'm my gilr/girl past, I played the role of the "masculine" chick. I still dress in mens clothing (I can't afford a whole new, gender-approprate wardrobe right now) and I think that's a big part of it.


Most Helpful Guy

  • #1 - occasional butt-grabbing done by the girl is perfectly normal and sexy.

    #2 - loosening up is good, careful with the showering of affection - you want to amp up the volume slowly so that you don't scare him away with a sudden flood of I LOVE YOUUUUUUU

    #3 - girls often expect guys to read their minds because they send out signals in body language all the time. Most guys don't pick up on this, and if they do, it's subconscious. The first, most subtle way you can get easier to read is to increase the number of messages you send, and exaggerate all of them. Make a habit of giving strong eye contact (with a bit of fluttery eyes for when you want his attention) , crossing/uncrossing your legs when you're hot and bothered, flicking your hair back, exposing your neck, applying extra gloss & licking your lips when you want a kiss, leaning forward to whisper in his ear...

    ...which brings me to the second way of being easier to read - actually saying what's on your mind. It doesn't come naturally, even to me, so it's a constant effort to really open up and be honest. It's easier to start by dropping hints about your emotional state. Feeling touchy-feely? Feign an itch on your back. Instant massage lead-in! Want him to take hold of your hand while walking? Walk close to his side so that your hands keep bumping: he's an idiot if he doesn't take the hint. Now, for the more detailed things... you're gonna want to tell him straight out. Why not start by asking what he likes? Tease him a bit, get him to talk about a fantasy, thus giving him the opportunity to ask you something back. BOOM - WINNING!

    • @girls often expect guys to read their minds because they send out signals in body language all the time. Most guys don't pick up on this, and if they do, it's subconscious.

      i have NO idea what you're talking about. and if she doesn't do this naturally, and if he's not going to puck up on it anyways. then why are you suggesting she do this. what's the point, of getting her to go out of her way to do things she doesn't innately do. just so he can 'not read' her fake 'signs'.

    • Haha, point taken. I don't know how comfortable you are with just telling him exactly what you want, like "Hey, let's have sex now." I bet he'll go for that.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I love it when my girl plays grabass. And I like all her affection. I say treat him like he said - the way you'd treated your girl-dates in the past. If you violate his boundaries, no big deal - he'll just gently let you know.

  • do you guys kiss?


What Girls Said 2

  • if you're affectionate with your gfs. then you're able to be expressive with anyone. you're just not comfortable around him. that's not sicial anxiety. that's just you not being comfortable with him. its normal. it will get better as you get more comfortable. or it won't because you're not compatible.

    just keep talking to him. ask questions, answer questions.

    i think if you were comfortable with him you would not be asking us what s OK to do.

    its one thing if you had no idea. but you know what to do you're just tentative with him. so you're uneasy with him.

    but you're capable of expression. you have friends. that mean you know how to communicate.

    hes a guy not a giraffe. just treat him like a human person. why should it be differnt?

  • what do you mean you can grab a chicks butt but not a dudes. women grab mens butts all the timre.

    im not sure what he meant when he said treat him like he's your girl. you mean a friend of yours, or like you're the guy. you don't have to be the guy to grab his butt. and why would you grab a girl friends butt. I don't get it.

    anywadu don't worry about being read. just tell him w/e you want him to know. ad otherwise tell him to stop reading nto things. he shouldn't haver to read you you're not a book. you're a person. just continue getting to know each other.

    youll get better at understanding each other as you get better acquainted. this takes more rime for some than others.