Girls, what do I say to a girl in the first message on an online dating site?

My girlfriend recently broke up with me and we decided to go our separate ways. This is the first time I have joined a dating site, and to be honest I have never actually 'dated'. Most of my girlfriends were girls that I was on a swim team with so I got to know them before I actually started dating/having interest in them, if you know what I mean. So, in a first message to a girl on a dating site, what should I say? Better yet, girls, what do you look for in a first message from a guy on a dating site?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I spent a while on Match till I met my boyfriend, so I can give you a few pointers (:

    ~Not too long, not too short. 3-6 sentences is good for a first email. I got a lot of emails that literally just said "hi" or "what's up?" That's fine in IM, but if you take the time to write a message, put a little more into it, please! But DON'T write a book--I had one guy who responded to every single sentence in my five paragraph bio as if it was a letter to him. Please don't do that. That's just creepy. A couple sentences responding to her bio and a couple sentences about you is a good mix.

    ~Most girls appreciate proper grammar and spelling. A few mistakes/typos are fine, we're all human, just make an effort. From your post, don't think this will be a problem for you. (:

    ~Don't ask for her number or email address in the first message or two. That's what scammers do. Just go through the site for a week or two till you've gotten to talk a bit.

    And as for the guys who say "girls never respond!" make sure you meet her basic requirements first. I got a ton of messages, yes. But 95% of them were from guys who were either old enough to be my father or violated some of my other basic musts (mostly my faith preferences). If you don't fit what she says she's looking for, she probably won't respond.

    Good luck! (:


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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • I have a profile up and while I am a guy I prefer short messages that are somewhat personal. So a short intro with something specific to her profile is ideal. It'll show you are sending her a personal message and not just cut and pasting your letter to a million girls. Getting a girl to meet up with you can be pretty difficult because they are bombarded with so many different messages from guys and a lot of them just want to hook up.

    Personally, if I can't progress in some way to meeting up with them within 5 messages I move on(I get their number within 3-5 messages). There's so many flakes and time wasters who just want attention so I never waste my time with a girl who doesn't show me she wants to meet in person. I could go through 40+ messages with a girl and never meet up with her. It's a waste of time. I've met up with girls in this manner before. It just means going through a ton of trash until you hit gold.

  • It doesn't really matter. A lot of girls on dating sites are just there for the attention/ego boost (every semi-attractive girl gets tons of messages every day) so don't spend too much time on it because not many girls reply. As sad as it is, quantity of messages will get you better results than the quality. Just say something somewhat short and funny that ties in with something they wrote on their profile. And make sure you have good pictures.

    Also, go talk to girls in the real world.