How do I communicate that I'm hurt without my fiance getting frustrated with me?

My fiance dated this girl for two years and they were broken up for two years before I came into the picture. He loved her and openly admits he wasn't over her until he met me. After we had been dating for about 3 months, I was in a different state(24 hours away) for 3 months and we only communicated over phone, which was not fun at all. When I finally came home we were both really excited. He picked me up from the airport and we spent the day together. He dropped me off at my house and had an hour and a half drive home. When he gets home, he calls me and tells me his ex-girlfriend had contacted him a few days ago and they had just had an hour long conversation. I know it was good for him, because he was able to vent his negative feelings toward her, which he'd been holding on to for two years. He tells me this helped him to finally get over her. Keep in mind, we'd been dating for 6 months at this point, talking marriage and everything. We talked about it. I told him it hurt me that he didn't tell me before, but I wasn't mad at him and I was glad that it was finally over. We got engaged two weeks ago, now dating for a year and a few months. He was drinking one night after a long day at work, and as he was falling asleep, he told me that she called him again a few days ago, but was afraid to tell me when he was sober. He told me they had messaged a couple times and she was really surprised we were engaged because she didn't know he was in that place. He said she was lonely and she calls because he's the only one that listens. We worked it out, but, unfortunately, he didn't remember the conversation the next day. I brought it up, hoping to come to the same peaceful conclusion. I learned a long time ago speaking forcefully never works, so I was speaking in a normal conversational tone. I told him I was hurt he didn't want me to know about it. Not that he was talking to her, but that if she calls, I want to hear it from him while sober. He got angry and sounded frustrated. He said I was blowing it out of proportion. I just asked to know when it happens. I realize it's not a big deal to him, but I expected a more respectful response from him. I had to just stop talking and it's been a few days. We've hung out and done things like normal, but there seems to be this wall put up by both of us. I want to get this out of the way, but I don't want him to turn it into an argument. How do I do that?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Let him give you a good hard d***ing and then talk to him.

    • You know, I was offended by this at first. But you might just be on to something.

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