Do I only like jerks? Should I try to make myself like the nice guy?

I tend to end up dating jerks and I do not know why. They tend to start out as being nice and acting like they are exactly what I want and then they show how they really are after about a year or a little less. I have this guy friend who I have been friends with since high school age. He is a nice guy, decent looking, and I know what he is really like and he has always kind of waited around for me. He has dated other girls but basically says he'd pick me if I wanted to be with him. I went on one date with him a year ago and it felt weird to me. Should I try again? I feel like maybe I am not attracted to the right guys and should force myself to really give it a shot. The other problem is he lives an hour away now and I don't know how often id see him. Should I try dating him? Do you think that it takes time to develop those feelings esp if it started as just friendship? Also maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to have someone who likes me more then I like them I feel like in my other relationships by the end I am trying harder then they are and it sucks.


Most Helpful Guy

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    -_- Do I only like jerks? Should I try to make myself like the nice guy?

    Listen to "why-makoto-kun" She's my female sidekick in this. If you don't want to listen to her. Then I'll shove these words into your brain. "GROW UP!". You are in your late twenties for Godsake! and Still don't know what you want in a relationship. Why do I say so. You are like 70% of all the girls we guys meet. You say you want nice guys and you go for the jerks and then whine and cry because he didn't commit. Then you have the Nice Guy who's always around waiting for you to make up your mind and you just kick him to the curb thinking he ain't good enough, I don't feel butterflies (he must not be my true love).

    That's pathetic you know that. -_- It's called tough love FYI.

    The reason most girls go for "Bad boys" it's because these guys are really good at being ARROGANT, LOUD and SELF-DESTRUCTIVE. These guys also provide lots of "PASSION" This translates into what teenage girls call a CRUSH (Infatuation state). Immature girls follow blindly that tickling feeling, like a dog chasing his own tail, because often times they think that is what love is supposed to be all the time. It's impossible to be on a high all the time without doing drugs (biology class).

    As opposed to a "Nice guy" who are the everyday normal guys, who girls don't even look at because they think being "HARD WORKING" isn't enough, Being "SMART" is boring and being/staying "healthy" is easy. These guys are more likely to provide "Intimacy", which translates into the calm routine and the everyday comfort.

    You don't have to force anything regarding who you should date, but you should really consider what both types of guys have to offer and choose according to what your needs are (51% of needs met is enough to make a decision.)

    One makes a great "Daddy figure" and the other a great "Lover". Which one of the two will be the father of your children that decision will belong strictly to you.

    ^_^ You might want to keep 2-3 guys as friends and potential Boyfriend around you, by just know that at 30 years old these backup guys might get choosen by other girls who have ran out of options too and when that happens you might have missed your chance at happiness.

    You should really read "UNHOOKED GENERATION" by Jillian Straus. One story that really made my day. Was of a 32 or 35 years old Corporate woman, who was having trouble with her boyfriend who wanted marriage and kids. She wanted a promotion at work that was talking forever to get and he wanted to start a family. They got into a fight and she ended the relationship because she blamed him for not understanding her. A year and a half-later she hears that the guy she dumped is married and expecting a baby. She went to the baby Shower and got heartbroken, when she held the most beautiful baby she had ever seen and got destroyed at the Idea that the baby could've been hers. Still waiting for the Raise.

    • ^_^ Imagine how that girl must've felt lol. Well I'm not saying this will happen to you, obviously. My point is that Nice Guys do get picked at one point and that you are getting closer to that threshold. After that you'll be left with leftovers (single dads, guys who have divorced more times than they have fingers and the Bad boys you know so well.)

      ^_^ These Bad boys still haven't finished high school you'll get very far with them at your side. You'll re-live your teenage years over and over.

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What Guys Said 5

  • well, you like every other girl are attracted to jerks, not nice guys.

    Nice guys are nice because they want you to like them, its not genuine.

    They are needy, AND boring.. a killer combo of attraction(as in killing it)

    They say what you "want to hear" because they want you to like them, not to be honest

    Are usually scared to be forward with girls and end up being their friends instead

    Often passive aggressive and harbor resentment towards women

    Bend and shape their personality to please others

    Jerks say what they mean, are honest even when it hurts, but at least its genuine.

    They aren't afraid to go for who they like and can handle rejection, being straightforward about it.

    They have guts and hence exciting to be around since most people on this planet are scaredy cats and never do anything exciting

    They are playful and tease, which is the key to chemistry and sexual tension

    Genuinely doesn't give a f*** how other people judge them.. very attractive

    • Where can I find these "jerks?" It's all nice guys and real jerks around here.

    • Show All
    • still, even though I just said that. there are guys that have a lot more of those traits.. I think being a little evil has something to do with it

    • I think drug dealers, and other guys that goto nightclubs with music like this song.. link

      are gonna be more masculine and the opposite of those nice guy traits...

  • I don't believe you don't know why you like jerks. All girls love jerks and will always. They will never date a nice guy ever.

  • At question, no and no.

  • You should really try dating him.

    Give yourself a chance to experience relationships in a new fresh way.

  • I can almost tell your life story.. The girl who goes for the "bad boys" when she is in her prime and when she realizes that her time is running out...then reality kicks in and she thinks wants a "nice guy" because we all know the "bad boys" ain't going to stay with you and give you anything committed.

    Truth is you will always be attracted to jerks and the best thing you can do is leave your "friend-the nice guy" alone because you are just gonna hurt him eventually.. I have seen this many many many of times. It is sad that things are this way but we are who we are and few genuinely change.

    I wish you the best of luck, maybe when you have kids( a daughter ) you can show her what type of guys to go for.

    By the way I am not judging you or anything.I am just saying what I believe is the truth.This happens more often than you think.


What Girls Said 3

  • You don't need to change yourself and force yourself to like a different type. that won't work. Forcing feelings never works.

    I am someone in the same exact boat (going out of my way to give guys who seem genuinely nice a chance, but they turn mean later), except sometimes I wasn't even attracted to them. Then they end up becoming jerks after they swore up and down that they were "different," "nice," and "not a**holes like your exes." Every single freaking time.

    Also, don't go after your guy friend. Again, forcing feelings does not work.

    AND, this is super important: Have you ever heard this poem by W.H. Auden ( link )? Even though a lot of poetry is subjective and a sensory/artsy experience, this one is truth.

    You see, I grew up being taught that the "it's nice if he loves you more than you love him" notion is okay. It was a "guarantee" of relationship stability, faithfulness, etc. Thus, I found myself settling for guys who liked me way more than I liked them in my younger years. They may not have been physically attractive for me, or really smart like me, or have had similar interests to me, but they liked me. They didn't criticize me (some did later on, but I'm talking about the guys I settled for who were nice). These nice yet unexciting guys were around when I was 16 and 18, respectively.

    Anyway, when I was with these guys, I hoped the feelings would come. I really just wanted to be passionately infatuated/in love. I wanted the butterflies and sexual attraction. I wanted to be excited to see them and not feel drained. I felt cheated out of something they talked about in love songs and movies. I wondered how many other girls chose this route. "But they were great guys," I thought. "I should give it a chance and stop being picky. I should be on my knees thanking the higher power that someone only has eyes for me."

    I felt like the boyfriends were getting more out of the relationship than I was, so I resented how gleeful they were, while I felt so empty. The resentment grew, and even though I didn't mistreat them, my attraction for them went from nothingness to repulsion. I just wanted out. I felt trapped and guilty. I felt like something was wrong with me; after all, you see plenty of attractive women in the media go after guys you wouldn't find attractive, right? Why was I so shallow? Why couldn't I just be happy because -somebody- finally loved me?

    I didn't have any backup plans. I just wanted out. I did the right thing and dumped them, citing how it wasn't working for me in a vague way (wish I was more specific).

    That being said, I've had repeated patterns of the same relationships (in which the unexciting guys actually did mistreat me), and exciting relationships where I was dumped or the guy was a jerk and I didn't want to leave but had to. Trust me, the relationships in which YOU love will always be more satisfying. If you're lucky you'll find someone who feels the same for you.

    • Oh, and I should clarify that the exciting jerks who mistreated me were also seemingly nice/kind in the beginning. I thought they were "real" and genuine, too, everything that a "Nice Guy TM" was not. But I still got kicked in the end. :/

  • No you don't like jerks. You answered your own question in your second sentence, they pretend to be nice guys, which you like, then they show you who they really are and you don't like who they really are.

    You can't force yourself to like someone. If you are not attracted to this guy then that is that.

  • If those guys pretend to be nice and sweet and you fall for that, then I don't think you like're being manipulated and fooled by jerks who portray themselves to be good guys.

    A guy isn't any better of a guy because you don't have feelings for him.i'm not telling you not to try things out with this guy, but that doesn't make him a nice guy because you have no feeling for him

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