I know this has been going for long time but I can't help but wonder why women would continue to date these sorry low life, broke, abusive jerks who don't respect them, and then keep running back to them after they fight. And they complain why they can't find a decent man. Could somebody expain that to me? what is wrong with this generation today?
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For one, there's a tendency for people to go after what they think they deserve. Usually girls with great personalities are a little more down on themselves and think they aren't as worthy of a good, healthy relationship. Then there are girls who are conceited and entitled, who think they deserve guy who offers much more than she ever will, because "as a woman, I'm a princess. A real man would treat me like one."
That's sort of the personal psychology of it.
On the sexual psychology side of things, she's probably seeing him with largely different eyes than you are.
-You see a controlling jerk. She sees a man who "takes charge".
-You see a hardened thug. She sees a hard man with a soft center waiting to be discovered.
-You see a man who is only interested in one thing. She sees a man who knows what he wants and gets it.
-You see a man being abusive, she sees it as getting no more than she deserves.
And when they split, she wonders if it was her fault he was such a jerk, and wants to try again and change herself. She goes back to him, perhaps, because she feels like she needs to make amends, like she had screwed up and owes him something.
The same obviously goes for guys, too. But I suppose people aren't quite as sympathetic to a guy who isn't "man enough" to handle abuse from his girlfriend. It's the cycle of violence, I tell ya. Girls talk with their friends about it because it's more acceptable. Guys just bottle it up to keep their composure, until it bursts into flying fists or in more serious cases, murder-suicides.
Which brings me to the social psychology and gender perspective.
If you look as mass-media in the US, we really do a good job of idolizing "losers". You know where baggy pants from the 90's and 2000's came from, right? One-size-fits-all prison outfits. It was cool to be gangster. If you had gone to prison, that was like a badge of manhood. Coolio tried to counter this trend with his song, "Gangster's paradise", which is why it bothered him so much when Weird Al made "Amish Paradise".
And we act like this shouldn't affect guys too much, or that it doesn't affect what kind of men women look for. But in the London South Estates, there was an outbreak of violence by stabbings. A woman decided to try to see what was going on. What she found was that girls were bragging about their boyfriends in prison, because it shows "how good of a protector he is". And they were pressuring boys to become violent because otherwise they would become "neeks" (Nerd + Geek) instead of "real men".
And that's what it really comes down to, what we define as "real man". We tag everything to "a real man would do this, act this way, think this way, wouldn't do that," etc.
Whatever a society deems as a "real man" is what men aspire to become, and who women aspire to attract. You figure, women in the 2000's were basically trying to attract rappers from the 90's, because that was "cool."4