Why women keep dating losers?

I know this has been going for long time but I can't help but wonder why women would continue to date these sorry low life, broke, abusive jerks who don't respect them, and then keep running back to them after they fight. And they complain why they can't find a decent man. Could somebody expain that to me? what is wrong with this generation today?


Most Helpful Guy

  • For one, there's a tendency for people to go after what they think they deserve. Usually girls with great personalities are a little more down on themselves and think they aren't as worthy of a good, healthy relationship. Then there are girls who are conceited and entitled, who think they deserve guy who offers much more than she ever will, because "as a woman, I'm a princess. A real man would treat me like one."

    That's sort of the personal psychology of it.

    On the sexual psychology side of things, she's probably seeing him with largely different eyes than you are.

    -You see a controlling jerk. She sees a man who "takes charge".

    -You see a hardened thug. She sees a hard man with a soft center waiting to be discovered.

    -You see a man who is only interested in one thing. She sees a man who knows what he wants and gets it.

    -You see a man being abusive, she sees it as getting no more than she deserves.

    And when they split, she wonders if it was her fault he was such a jerk, and wants to try again and change herself. She goes back to him, perhaps, because she feels like she needs to make amends, like she had screwed up and owes him something.

    The same obviously goes for guys, too. But I suppose people aren't quite as sympathetic to a guy who isn't "man enough" to handle abuse from his girlfriend. It's the cycle of violence, I tell ya. Girls talk with their friends about it because it's more acceptable. Guys just bottle it up to keep their composure, until it bursts into flying fists or in more serious cases, murder-suicides.

    Which brings me to the social psychology and gender perspective.

    If you look as mass-media in the US, we really do a good job of idolizing "losers". You know where baggy pants from the 90's and 2000's came from, right? One-size-fits-all prison outfits. It was cool to be gangster. If you had gone to prison, that was like a badge of manhood. Coolio tried to counter this trend with his song, "Gangster's paradise", which is why it bothered him so much when Weird Al made "Amish Paradise".

    And we act like this shouldn't affect guys too much, or that it doesn't affect what kind of men women look for. But in the London South Estates, there was an outbreak of violence by stabbings. A woman decided to try to see what was going on. What she found was that girls were bragging about their boyfriends in prison, because it shows "how good of a protector he is". And they were pressuring boys to become violent because otherwise they would become "neeks" (Nerd + Geek) instead of "real men".

    And that's what it really comes down to, what we define as "real man". We tag everything to "a real man would do this, act this way, think this way, wouldn't do that," etc.

    Whatever a society deems as a "real man" is what men aspire to become, and who women aspire to attract. You figure, women in the 2000's were basically trying to attract rappers from the 90's, because that was "cool."


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What Girls Said 6

  • Having to just experience being with the biggest loser lol... For awhile I struggled with self-worth issues and being with this guy made me feel comfortable. He was a distraction, at the time while I tried to get myself back on track. I can honestly say that it's a self issue more than anything else because once I started seeing myself a different way and my Life and everything about me started to blossom, I found him irrelevant. The person he really was became so clear, he was a selfish, arrogant, Lying, IGNORANT, a**hole that I wish I've never met.

    Once us females (males as well) figure ourselves out and what we truly need and deserve, the once irrelevant won't be so relevant to us. we will look deeper, we'll look for what fits us and can help us grow and not bring us down.

  • Kay first off, I don't date abusive low life etc. But from my experience, these "decent guys" that have no gfs, probably have something wrong with them and they won't face it or realize it and just blame the fact that they are nice. Of course, a lot of girls like a more masculine type etc, but you can't assume that its because you are nice and therefore you are single. But I can say that some girls do go for players simply because she thinks she can fix him - she cannot. seriously though, I could say the same about guys who date really bitchy girls and complain that he can't find a nice girl. It the same kind of thing.

    • yea but there has to be a balance between somewhere between the two

    • yea, and those people would be happily together.

  • That's like asking why do relatively good men like dating the mining and gardening tools. Sometimes toxic relationships can be addictive no matter who it is. Why ? Could be a family pattern, sometimes the media and entertainment glorify it a bit.

    • i see your point, but if you with somebody who doesn't treat you very well, you only making yourself look stupid while he is banging some other chick.

    • Well let's be glad I'm the crazy girlfriend and make somebody pack their bags, or have an affair myself lol. But you know some people just can't stop when they know it's wrong, or they like drama and think it's fun. Also I think it's important to have a test run on a few dates asking the right questions and watching behaviors.

  • I think its a self esteem issue. If they or we believed we deserved better, we wouldn't tolerate it. Makes sense right.

  • It's all that's out there (aka the only guys who show interest) or we don't think we deserve better.

  • Don't generalize

    • Stereotypes exist for a reason. If the scenario in the question didn't happen as often as it has (and does), it daresay the question wouldn't be asked.

    • im not generalizing I'm only targeting specific type of women who continue to date losers

What Guys Said 11

  • In defense of some women, they date a guy thinking he has potential because of how he initially presents himself. It might not be until later on in the relationship that he starts to show his true colors I really don't think most females set out to find the worst guy possible.

    It's not like they see a group of guys in a room and say no he's looks too successful, no he has manners, no he has etiquette...Oh wait! This guy looks psychotic. He's perfect! Generally many women fall into the trap because the guy misrepresents himself. The bad thing about the misrepresentation is eventually his true colors will shine. Now if she decides to stay in a relationship with a recently exposed loser, that would be a better question.

    Try and put it in perspective of all the loser women you came across. I know I dated women who had hidden agendas (none of which told me when we met that they had a hidden agenda). I have dated women who were psychotic (either they were on their meds or best behavior when I initially met them) etc. Needless to say, once their true colors and motivations started to manifest, I decided to get out of the relationship, which is what I feel most women eventually do as well.

    Sometimes we tend to let our eyes make decisions with matters our mind should have some say in (which quite often will lead to bad choices) but many times we try not to carry baggage from the previous relationship into the present. From the outside looking in it may be more identifiable that someone is a loser but when we are involved we tend not to see things as clearly because we always want to give benefit of the doubt until its clear we no longer can.

  • The answer to your first and second question is that these jerks/losers have confidence, and so they're the ones asking the girls out. The Nice Guys rarely have confidence, so they sit on the sidelines thinking they're being polite, or waiting for the "perfect time", while the jerks/losers approach the girls and talk to them, and ask them out.

    Girls want confident guys, and jerks and thugs often have confidence, or at least know how to act like they do. Many of them are far beyond caring what anyone else things about them, so they're emboldened to ask out whomever they want, no matter how attractive or how unlikely it is that the girl will say yes. Because they aren't afraid to ask, they end up with girls eventually.

    As far as the third question goes, a big reason this happens is because it isn't politically correct to be an aggressive, confident, strong male anymore, and hasn't been since radical feminism started pushing an anti-male agenda in the late 1960s. As the generations go forward, fewer and fewer boys are raised by fathers who are "men" in the traditional sense, so boys today often grow up not even having _seen_ a real man, and so they have no role model to emulate, especially when it comes to interacting with women.

    Radical feminists aside, most women _crave_ the confidence, strength, and calm resolution of a real man, and so when they encounter the rare guy who has some of those qualities, they respond, biologically and emotionally. Unfortunately, it's usually the jerks who have these qualities, often developed as a survival mechanism in a rough childhood or just because they had a poor but aggressive role model.

    The solution to this problem is that good guys need to learn to reject their fears about approaching and talking to women, and realize that a girl turning him down is _not_ the end of the world. Once guys figure that out, their confidence levels will rise, and they'll not only find it much easier to take these chances, but girls will respond much more positively to their new-found confidence.

    • I agree with the "asking her out" idea in the first paragraph.

      Guys that have the most success with girls, get rejected A LOT (more than half the time),

      ...and they don't make a big deal about rejection, either. They just keep approachng different girls they desire and brush off rejection.

      When it comes to guys and being successful with women, its all about approaching large numbers of women, and learning to brush off rejection.

  • "Could somebody expain that to me?"

    Yes, yes I can.

    "I can't help but wonder why women would continue to date these sorry low life, broke, abusive jerks who don't respect them, and then keep running back to them after they fight"

    Because those sorry, low life, broke, abusive jerks seem dramatic and exciting at first. They fall in love with the dramatic and exciting parts, and are scared to leave and be on their own again, and so they keep running back. Often, these abusive jerks work hard to tear down a woman's self-esteem, so that she doesn't feel like she deserves to be treated any better.

    "And they complain why they can't find a decent man."

    Because they're neglecting to add the words "who is dramatic and exciting" to that sentance.

    What women want is a man who excites them without being an a**hole to them. They exist, to be sure, but are in short supply and tend to get snatched up pretty quickly.

  • Why women keep dating losers?

    -_- stop sulking and listen. Women date jerks because most of the times nice guys don't show enough interest in the girl they want, when they actually do show interest in the girl they want and another guy does the same. They just give up trying and go back to thinking "why do girls date jerks?" making a reality your SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY.

    From a girl's perspective all that she will see is that the Nice guy didn't have the balls to ask her out. She won't even give a damn if you live inside a 500 000 000 000 000 000 000 000$ castle made of the finest diamonds because her new Boyfriend could punch your teeth out and take that castle away from you. You got intimidated once, you'll surely be twice...

    Law of nature man...it's life.

    • im not sure if I agree with your statement

  • I think it's a combination of what the two answerers already said - plus - these 'jerks' are usually way more confident than 'nice guys'. Therefore, they're putting themselves out there and aren't concerned about something not working out.

    • The QA was probably the one that thumbd this down...this sums up exactly what the QA needs (not wants) to hear.

    • True that. In the meantime he'll be disappointed his whole life while these 'jerks' are getting all the girls.

  • Many reasons, but the biggest is they can create emotions.

    • Women love feeling EMOTIONS whether they are good or bad. Women are emotion junkies; make her angry one day she'll have that mood for a week, make her happy one day she'll have that mood for a day, make her feel fear/anxiety for you and her friends will echo the news for months,..etc..

      If there was a logic to why they Dig those emotional trills GAG would not exist. People cannot predict futur emotions, so that's what makes her "wet her panties" for the BAD BOYS. They represent unpredictability.

    • Exactly...a dude that is emotionally placid towards a girl is the BIGGEST detriment he can have

  • because they only go for the attractive guys, the guys that know they can get away with anything because they know they are fit and can get any girl they want, that's why.

    girls on here may deny that but in their lust and heart they know its true

    • agreed

    • Physical attraction definitely matters, that is why every guy should aspire to be as physically attractive as possible in terms of clothing style, hygiene, diet, and getting in enough physical activity.

  • I think it is in their instincts

  • because women only want good looking guys who will cheat

  • It's women's instincts, unfortunately.

  • Oh because they can "change" the loser! You see women think that they are genies and can cast spells over jerks that get them to fall into the palm of their hands and buy them purses until they're broke. But, women are unrealistic.