Did I make the right choice?

Okay, so I'm a really nice guy. I mean to a fault. For instance if a guy is rude to any girl, even a girl I'm not friends with I'll say something to the guy. That being said, my girlfriend kissed another guy, or rather he kissed her and she kissed him back. It was a short kiss, less than 10 seconds and no tongue. She told me right after it happened and cried for a solid hour, and almost had a panic attack. I forgave her, even though I had warned her that she needed to make boundaries. She works with him, and I didn't ask her to quick her job even though I wanted her to. She's not very confrontational but she made it clear to him that they couldn't talk anymore etc. She also promised she would listen to me next time I warned her about a guy. She promised she would never cheat on me again. And I told her if it happened again, I would leave her. Long story short, another guy, same job, he kissed her. Once again she ignored all my warnings, didn't set boundaries, even defended the guy when I said he had a crush on her. I forgave her again... It's again 3 months later. She's kissed two guys, and she still works with both of them. She's blocked them both on Facebook, twitter, and on her phone. But she still works with them both. Is it wrong for me to give her an ultimatum that "she must quick by xx/xx date?" And should I of forgiven her a second time even when she knew that I would break up with her I it happened again? I just would like some opinions, or tips, or something. I love her so much, and I know when she's lying. I really believe she means it this time, but I also thought she meant it the first time...

Ultimatum "she must quit by xx/xx date"***
She does not love her job, she complains about it and wants to leave but for some reason she doesn't. Every time she has said she has too much going on and she doesn't have time for it. She's in high school as am I, she also could easily work somewhere else.
I don't blame her place if work and I hold her equally responsible for what occurred. And I guess I believe her because I how bad she felt. She cried for two hours, begging me to stay with her. I say silently thinking the entire time as she begged and pleaded. I've also noticed I left out that it ha been 4 months since the 2nd kiss. In my original post I only mentioned the time between the two incidents. If she were to do it again, I would leave.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sorry to say but I'm inclined to believe the problem isn't your girlfriend's place of employment, it's her. There are many environments where men and women work together and obviously some crushes do develop. The key is in the character of the person whether to act on it or not if they know they're in a relationship.

    Additionally, your girlfriend has been warned on several occasions and yet she still exhibits this behavior. Why? Because you allow it. Granted you don't like it when she does this, but she feels no serious repercussions from doing it because you always forgive her, therefore, she continues to do it.

    When you are in a relationship there has to be boundaries and there has to be trust or else the relationship will falter, not flourish. Personally I find it difficult to trust her with her behaving the way she does with co-workers that crush on her. It may be a kiss today, but what happens later down the road when she goes a step further and ends up becoming intimate with someone? Will you still be forgiving her and blaming her behavior on the environment instead of her character flaws?

    It's never easy to end a relationship, but as I see it you have given her more than enough chances to correct her behavior and it has only resulted in her continuing it. At some point you will have to come to realize that the problem does lie within her and you really should consider ending the relationship and seeking better options. Of course this is a decision that only you can make. Of course you can choose to continue to blame the guys at her job, but it does take two to tango and she is equally at fault for it and especially since she knows she's in a relationship with you she should be more vigilant in setting boundaries that wouldn't compromise it. What happens if she finds employment elsewhere and the behavior continues? Where will you place the blame then? Definitely something to think about if you choose to stay in this relationship with her.


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What Girls Said 2

  • I mean, it depends on the job.

    If it's a job she loves, she shouldn't have to quit because of her co-workers. Rather, she should have to set professional boundaries (which is sounds like she may have) with them.

    Honestly, it's your choice whether or not to stay with her. It was just a kiss, and she was honest with you, but I'm wondering how/why she let the exact same thing happen to her again. It's a little strange for someone not to learn from a situation that was exactly the same...

    • In response to your update:

      If she can leave and she doesn't, then I don't know what to tell you.

      She sounds a little like a pushover...

    • It was just a kiss, which one time is forgivable to a point. However co-workers are not the people he should be worried about. A kiss takes two people. Unless she was being held down and forced to kiss someone, she is completely at fault.

    • I think you misread my comment. I didn't say she wasn't at fault.

  • She is obviously not mature enough to handle a serious relationship. It's not so much the action of what happened that was so incredibly serious (a kiss is a kiss, she didn't have sex with him or a full on affair) however especially since it happened twice, it is a sign of serious disrespect toward you. You sound like a guy that deserves to have a woman (not a girl) who respects him enough to keep any silly little desires at bay rather than indulging and dealing with the aftermath later. A leopard doesn't change its spots. She's shown you who she is - twice. As difficult as it may be I think it's time to move on. You're only in high school and there are plenty of women who will truly appreciate a good-hearted man like yourself.

    • Also, it's clear that this is not something you can easily move past. It's already been 4 months and it still eats at you. It's time to let this one go.

What Guys Said 3

  • You keep making excuses for her. Even if she is sincere, she obviously doesn't have much self control. She doesn't know how to say no, and neither do you. Neither one of you are taking the relationship seriously.

    It's your choice, but this doesn't look good at all. The date should not be xx/yy, it should be right now and you have to mean it...and she has to know you mean it.

    Don't fall for that crying BS. You are quickly turning into her girl friend instead of her boyfriend. This is exactly how guys get friend zoned.

  • I'm sorry but no body's forcing her to kiss back, how hard is it to pull away if someone is about to eat your face? I would treat this as a red flag, don't give ultimatums, just prep yourself for the worse so it's not such a shock when it does happen, she told you about these things? What about the other stuff she's done which she hasn't told you about? Red flags galore

  • You should just leave her. Don't forgive her anymore. She might be cheating behind your back as well.