My boyfriend is lying to me, I think, and I need help? What do I do?

My boyfriend of nine years (we just graduated from uni and are about to get an apartment together) have been through a lot. We dated almost all through high school, had plenty of ups/downs, and were finally getting to the point where we were considering marriage and family. Well, in the past, I've had problems with him texting other girls and lying to me about it. He never cheated on me, but was ridiculously flirty, never discouraged their attentions, and they all knew I was his girlfriend. It happened a couple times and they were a big deal a the time. But that was years back and I had since gotten over it.

Well, I had this gut feeling that something was wrong, I always do when somethings up, and I started to watch him really closely. I just had this feeling, I can't explain it, but I knew something was going on. That's when I realized he was acting the way he was when he talking to other girls. Crazy and obsessive about never leaving his phone around me and never letting me near it but always asking if he could use mine (I have an iPhone and he doesn't). He'd get texted and ignore them until I walked out of the room or would sort of hold the phone out of my view.

Well, eventually he fell asleep around me one day and I snooped. I shouldn't have, but when I had tried asking him about it, he would only get angry at me and snap, acting so defensive and irrational like I was attacking him. I found a number in there with no name, just the number, and I started reading the texts. They had been talking for days at least, saying things like, "This is such a long drive, I wish you were here!" and he would be like "I know. I work until 6:30 and my day has sucked because I haven't seen you!", or "Hey, pretty lady, are we hanging out this week?" and she would be like, "Yeah, what do you want to do?" And I know some of that seems harmless, but I have known this guy longer than we've been together and we've been together for a long time. I know how he flirts' he insults playfully, drags out words like "looooooser" or little things like that, and these messages were right in between mine where he said he missed me, loved me, ect.

I didn't read all of their messages or a lot of them before I confronted him about it. I was angry and demanded to know who it was; I already felt bad enough for going through the phone and I just wanted him to tell me. He snatched his phone, yelled he didn't know, and then told me it was just random girl that had texted him and it was just a game he was playing because she thought she had the right number. I asked him to prove it, just me all of their messages and prove that it was just some random girl. He refuses, but continued to beg me not to leave him and swears by his story. He keeps saying it was just a game, but I keep feeling like I was the one being played. They seemed to know each other well enough, from what I could see and my boyfriend talked about his real life, not pretending to be someone else.



Most Helpful Girl

  • what type of game is this? I am confrontational, that's my personal approach and I am honest and loyal in my relationships, I expect 100% OUT of my guy (I'm engaged) and I told him already, no 3 chances, no forgive and forget, you're honest, or you don't waste my time with bullsh*t

    he said he didn't know who this girl was? lol. I would have laughed in his face if it was my own guy doing this.

    why...if I was in your position, why can't I know who this chic is? lol. I'm his mother f***ing girlfriend of 9 years.

    he's the loser. 9 years isn't as long as a dragged out divorce. and honesty is every thing.

    you know what to do here.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • You should lay down your law, and if he breaks it, you break up with him.

  • You should really break up with him. His actions are detrimental into a relationship.


What Girls Said 1

  • This is where it might get tricky. All signs are pointing to him lying to you. Has he been treating you differently? Has he been giving you less attention, or more attention than he has always did, does her smell different, change his clothes style or look. Look for ways that is out of the ordinary for him. If any of those signs are pointing to yes, then it might be a good idea to call it quits. He shouldn't be messaging another girl in the first place. It's worse he's lying to you about her.

    Good luck.

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