Usually first to text?

I've been going out with this girl for 6 months now. We're not casually dating, but in a relationship. Anyhow, just recently I've noticed that I'm usually the first to text her. I text her in the afternoon, and to say goodnight. Even if I have exams and am busy with work, I usually text her first. She used to text first more often, but now it's pretty rare. She's said things like, "You're amazing...great person to have in my life, etc." There was one week where she was really affectionate, but unfortunately it only lasted a week. Part of me feels she's beginning to lose interest. Most of her replies are short now. 3 weeks ago and the week after she would call me or ask me to call her every night. She hasn't called or asked me to call at all this week, or last.


Most Helpful Guy

  • One possibility, is that she just doesn't need the same amount of interaction. She liked it in the beginning, but can't keep it up any more.

    But I'd guess that she's lost some of her interest. Either in you, or maybe she's just going through a rough couple of weeks. In either situation, she'll be rethinking her long term strategy and where you fit into it.

    If you show her all of your cards or smother her with texts, then that can diminish her excitement. She'll want to reciprocate that level of affection and commitment, but if she can't match you, she'll figure that she must not be that in to you after all. Even if you are just doing what you think she wants.

    Try being less predictable. Make her start guessing again, but don't over due it by pulling away entirely. See if her texting starts up again. Give her ample opportunities to be the initiator, but don't expect her to immediately.

    Otherwise, another approach is to short-cut it and try to communicate openly with her. Call her out with what you said here. It's ballsy, though, and if she can't handle confrontation, she may give into you on the surface, but actually pull away even more.



Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Maybe she's busy. Also, relationships change. Once the initial excitement is gone it doesn't necessarily mean you're losing interest. If it really bothers you, fix up a day when you two can talk privately and in person. You can find out why her way of contacting you has changed, and you can also reconnect, maybe rekindle the old excitement.

    • We never really went through a "honeymoon" phase. There was one week where everything was perfect; she was affectionate, never wanted to let go of me, etc. That stopped after only one week. It's just weird, today she kept a conversation going with a guy sitting by us for a good 30 minutes, she was laughing and enjoying herself. When I talk to her she typically laughs but never puts in much effort to keep the conversation going

  • I dont' think she's losing interest. She's just used to you initiating contact.


What Guys Said 1

  • Don't be bothered by it. She's still interested and guys are usually assumed to text first after all.

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