Can't attract a boyfriend

I am a 22 year old female who has never had a boyfriend. I've "seen" guys... gone on dates.. but nothing ever eventuates.

Guys usually tell me on the first or second date that they arn't looking for a relationship. However a few months after I stop seeing them they have a girlfriend. So I feel like they just lie that they don't want a relationship because they would never consider dating me.

I look at all the girls out there and think they find it easy and simple to find a boyfriend.

I am reasonably attractive, I have a really good job and guys always tell me they love my personality.

I just want to know why I am finding it so hard to find a boyfriend. I do have an agressive streak and I do suffer from anxiety. However shouldn't someone out there love me for who I am? And why is this so hard to find.

I constantly think there is something wrong with me because guys continually reject me.

I fear being alone forever and never finding someone.

Also recently I started to see this guy. He told me I am girlfriend material and that he'd love to get to know me because I have a great personality. But now he has backed off and tells me he's scared to be in a relationship.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I met this girl a couple of weeks ago. She was okay looking, not a banging super model, but is pretty. What draw my attention was how kind she was to me. I developed feelings for her just because she was kind to me which girls are never are nice to me. Until a few days later when I was unconditionally showing signs that I liked her and she was making sure she was making it obvious that she had no interest in me. It put me down, and made me feel like crap. Now I feel that I would never want to get emotionally involved with a girl again. I can't take it anymore, all I wanted was to meet a girl, and all girls have done was scope the scene as they were some kind of investigator just so they have a reason to dismiss me. Who wants to go through that? I can tell I'm not sexually attractive, because hanging around my friends and noticing how easy women talk to them; it just proves the point.

    • Heartfelt answer!

    • Boo-hoo, work on your confidence, and get back in there. Or stay out, we don't need fodder cluttering up the field.

    • The thing is I don't care if girls like me or not. Who really cares right? They don't have to like me, and I really don't have the time to actually put the effort to impress a girl in just saying yes for a date. You don't know what happened in my situation, and you don't know what I've experience in my life, so for you to just say some sh*t like that is just pathetic of you!

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What Guys Said 6

  • I think you are really close, but you probably are viewed as having a red flag of some kind.

    The kindest thing your latest guy can do for you before he walks out of your life is at least tell you why he is scared to be in a relationship with you --- without lying about it. The information is worth more than the guy himself. With it, you might be able to piece it all together.

    If at one point he said you were girlfriend material and all that, then you are probably good with first impressions, so I don't think its a matter of trying over and over to start off on the correct footing.

    Do you talk about religion, politics, or sex with any of your dates?

  • There's something going on between the guys you are attracted to and something in your personality that doesn't click.

    It's VERY hard to not take these rejections personally. The biggest challenge is to learn from them.

    Since I don't know you well enough, I can't say what might be going on...this is for you to try to analyze.

    Also, try to find 'different' guys from your usual.

  • Take a serious reality check with yourself. Ask some male friends what your pro and cons (but take all advice with a grain of salt, of course.) Figure out if you have implausible expectations, like he should be 18 with a $200,000 job.

    Also, this is a good time to change your style up. Try new everything for the heck of it.

  • Men in these times tend to come off as little boys who won't man up and admit their feelings because we fear pushing away a potential partner, I just recently manned up and told the girl that I have feelings for everything because she was wondering and I told her I was being a coward about my feelings. When I did this she told me that it took a lot of courage to do this one little thing that will have a big impact when she finishes healing over her last break up, which was just a little over a week and a half ago.

  • I can feel your pain and frustration

    • because I'm 25 and still single

  • It seems that you're just meeting the wrong type of guys.

    You should date as many guys as possible. That should give you a lot of options and opportunities.


What Girls Said 1

  • I am in the same boat. I am so sorry you are going through this, but the thing is is that guys look for the outside more than the inside these days, you have to fake being someone your not. Take you time and write down what you want. Read things on the law of attraction you wil find someone dear just know relationships take time and aren't perfect.

    • I blame the guy who will be naive enough to get fooled and become your boyfriend...

      To think that you create a healthy long term relationship with a man by being fake... Great mentality...

      Guys do not look more on the outside more than the inside you ignorant. We just get sexually attracted by the outside much more (we are visual), but your physical appearance has never been enough to make you a girlfriend (it makes you a FwB at best...). It is your personality that makes us want to keep you.

    • I could care less about how good you look on the outside, I tend to look for the traits that aren't or can't be seen such as a great personality and a forward kindness towards others, without at least having these, women just aren't attractive to me.