How to handle a girl scared of relationships but is moving fast?

I've been seeing this girl for a little bit of time now and I don't know hot to proceed. I am 25, she is 21.

We met about a month ago. She told me she was scared of being in a relationship because her last boyfriend of 3 years cheated on her. I was cool with that, so I was all ready to take it slowly. However, she started accelerating our relationship. She introduced me to her parents after our first date (she lives at home still). She initiated our first kiss. She started talking about stuff she wanted to do together with me by our second date and third date. The end of our third date ended with her and I making out for like 5 minutes at my front door, and then I asked her to hang out on the weekend and she said she wanted to hang out the next day as well.

The next morning after that she unfriended me on Facebook and stopped answering my phone calls and all she told me was one text that said "Im not ready"

After two days, she texted me again while I was out of town. Over the next week her and I talked and texted and she told me she did what she did because she was scared.

We hung out again today and she acted like nothing happened, she started talking about stuff we are going to do together again (like she made a comment we should go to Chicago one weekend) and she also said something about how she wanted me to go to her graduation from nursing school (which is over a year from now). She also told me in one of the phone calls that she should probably start taking birth control again. She also brought up the subject of sex once and told me "we aren't going to do that until we are dating"

So does this girl want to be my girlfriend? Should I ask her to be my girlfriend or will that scare her into running away and ignoring me again? Should I try to get her to slow it down, so she doesn't feel rushed and run away again, or do you think she would be less worried if I let her know I was serious and made it official that she was my girlfriend? I don't really know what to make of the situation.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I know she's been hurt before but she sounds generally weird and I feel she's using her past as an excuse. She sounds like one of those people who jump into a relationship too quickly and can sometimes become infatuated with their partner. I've been abused and cheated on by two guys before my current boyfriend. It hurt me but I didn't tar every guy with the same brush. Although it has slightly affected me now (as I discovered yesterday when I got very jealous and really upset seeing my boyfriend speak to a pretty girl who was clearly flirting with him), I'm still pretty much myself and I don't let my past affect my future.

    I think when she was going way too quick in the beginning, she scared herself off; she noticed her behavior was too forward and fast, so she distanced herself from you for a bit. I'm like it too, when I go too quick and think it's wrong, I hold myself back and kind of distance myself from my boyfriend but not as much as she did with you, however, it never directly links to my past. It's purely because I don't want to rush things and I want our relationship to work so that could be her intentions too.

    I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 months and we haven't talked about sex, birth control, planning things years ahead etc. and you guys aren't even dating properly yet! So I think she really likes you but she's falling too fast, ultimately speeding up the dating process. But it seriously sounds like she's one of those possessive girls and she's using her past as an excuse for her strange behavior .

    I think she very much wants to be your girlfriend. Asking her to be your girlfriend will probably not scare her away and if you think it's time to ask her to be your girlfriend, then you should ask her. It's her loss if she runs away from everything all the time. You could try to slow things down with her but she may get offended and think you're not into her or the relationship as much as she is. She could potentially calm down a bit if she knew that you two were a definite item so that may work. :)


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What Girls Said 2

  • Don't ask her, just do stuff you would do if you were in a relationship with her and she'll ease into it. If she starts freaking out again, just let her and watch her come back.

    Make it obvious that you're a dependable guy.. show her instead of telling her.

  • Maybe she's playing hard to get. Maybe she's mixing you up with her ex. If you like her and want to pursue it I say ask her to be your girlfriend!


What Guys Said 1

  • It seems that just she just have trust issues that why she doesn't want to get too emotionally attached. You should really try and give this girl your all. She's really interested in you.

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