How do I stop dating jerks?

I am a 26 year old female and I recently lost 40 lbs. Since then, I have gotten more attention from guys who are better looking and more successful, but jerks. I have been single for three years except for short relationships along the way. Most turn out to be a couple of months long flings and generally guys looking for a casual fling. How do I get out of this and find decent guys? I am beginning to worry since Iam now 26 and still single :/


Most Helpful Guy

  • First off, congratulations on your weight loss! Congratulations on your success, you should be proud of your accomplishment!

    Now you get to encounter superficial men! What, no one told you?!

    This sounds nerdy, but on a Saturday or Sunday morning, sit down and make a list of what is important to you in a guy.

    - Kindness,

    - Education,

    - Looks,

    - "Special" package?

    Once you have your list, brainstorm where to meet these guys.

    - Kindness? Volunteer at a soup kitchen.

    - Education? Go to a university library.

    - Looks? Hell, you're the girl!

    - Package? Be in the last row of the yoga class, and don't always look at the instructor.

    (You get the idea)

    Oh, I don't intent to be mean, but seriously, if you are 26 (young) and you are getting attention from better looking, more successful guys for flings (your words - don't hate) is that bad? Seriously?

    With all due respect, I remain,

    ~ Dan


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • consult your friend zone. Any guy you consider un-date-able because they are a 'good friend' or 'like a brother' is the obvious choice (assuming they are single). If that prospect seems unexciting to you, then it's possible that you are only excited by jerks. You can either fight it or relish it. It's up to you.

  • Find someone who believes in commitment, and has good morals and values. Don't be with a man that is controlling, aggressive, or abusive. Find someone that's caring, empathic, and good at listening. Better looks and more success doesn't mean that the guy is humble and kind, or will treat you well.

  • I would say try imagining if they would have dated you 40 lbs ago. Maybe you should date a guy that liked you back then, at least he loved you for who you are, not what you look like.

    Best tip I can give to any woman trying to avoid a**holes: see if he has female friends or has any exes that he remains friendly with. If he's the type that thinks all of his exes were "crazy", he's probably the reason why.

  • Look for Men in their late 30s, divorced, or widows is the way to go.

    " better looking and more successful" guys are not boyfriend material. Avoid them, go instead for guys who are average on looks, and who just do fine in their finances. in other words: Reduce your standards.

    There is no Mr Right, there's only Mr Good Enough.

    • Since when are divorced men "boyfriend material" by definition? They failed a marriage, that doesn't exactly spell "dream guy" to me.

    • Divorced guys are more likely to know where they're getting into when they decide to give committed relationships a second try. They failed once because of naivety and ignorance, they're also more likely to have learned from their mistakes in comparison to women.

  • Find a good guy that's in your area. We aren't that hard to find as long as your actually looking hard enough. A good man with a good heart is not defined by his success, his social status or his appearance. I know I'm a good man that has been single for over a year and wish that I could have someone in my life as long as they would open their eyes and see me. Besides I would break those other guys like toothpicks lol.

  • you may be looking in the wrong places. Guys your age that are single are just looking for a fling. They are just starting out there lives outside of college, have money and the world at there finger tips. Look for better guys that aren't interested in your pants. answer mine please

  • You could start by not dating them to begin with. If they're looking for a casual fling then why do you extend it to a couple of months? you make it sound like you knew their intentions from the get-go but went along with it anyway.

    If you are getting more attention from the jerks because you've lost all that weight, you've probably gotten more attention from the decent guys but you're not giving it back, or even aware. The better looking and successful jerks will give you attention because they're just playing the numbers game.

    Decent guys will come, it is a matter of time and you've got plenty. Do whatever you did to get your relationship 3 years ago (I'm assuming you didn't get in a relationship because of your weight.) not that hard to just turn down the jerks, is it?

  • You need to move out of your area.

    The guys from your area are jerks that's why you are dating them.


What Girls Said 1

  • Self Respect.

    Never do anything you're not ready for just to get someone to like you/like you more. If they don't respect you, they won't care about what you need or how you feel, so you've got to be tough and stand up for you're mental safety and emotional well-being. Every time you give in, you'll feel like less of a person and more of an object.

    You're thoughts affect you feelings, and together they can affect your actions. We can only consciously control our actions.

    Act like a strong confident woman, and the predators will lose interest. They want an easy target.

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