Ladies, Is living well and kindness towards a dumper the best revenge?

My ex girlfriend who dumped me was cold to me the last time I saw her because she heard I started dating again (hardly dating actually, just socializing with female friends and a few casual dates). I didn't date again until months after she dumped me and I failed to get her back. At the time, she said she wanted to remain friends and after 2 month of NC, we ran into each other and it was cordial enough, if not awkward.

But then a month later, she went total ice on me. I later found out she was asking around (rather than me directly) if I was dating anyone and was convinced that I was (even though I am not). I have also been getting better over the breakup and some of my friends think that doesn't sit well with her. If I didn't hurt her and she broke up with me simply because she didn't love me, but supposedly still cared enough for me to be a friend, why can't she simply be happy that I am bouncing back and moving on?

Now, I will probably see her at a party in a few weeks. She will most likely be cold again? Should I smile nonetheless and give a quick hello to show that I am the mature, gracious one? Or I am being too weak or too nice (she actually told one of my friends that I was "too nice"), and I should therefore ignore her completely if I pass her by? I hate to be rude to anyone, but she almost forcing this kind of reaction.

Thanks, Ladies and guys too, if you have any perspective.

Thanks for the responses. I do not plan to initiate anything since it backfired last time.

The question is now whether I should wave and smile if we make eye contact, or ignore.

If I do the former, do I appear weak, as though I am willing to say hi no matter how poorly she treats me.

If I do the latter, am I stooping to her level?
Thanks all again for the follow up responses.

I guess I am completely perplexed by the turn of events: she dumps me, says she wants to remain friends. I am depressed for awhile, then I get better, go on a few dates, and she gets all pissed and cold at me. All the time, I am friendly and gracious to both her and her friends (her best friend actually is OK with me).

Does this make any sense whatsoever to anyone out there?

I am starting to think that I should avoid the event where my ex will be. After all, I could do something else that night.

Since her last chilly reception and given the fact that she thinks I am dating someone when I am not, I am concerned she will have something else up her sleeve to make me feel bad. She may show up with a dude and be all over him in front of me.

I feel better when I don't see or hear of her. But, then my friends may be disappointed.

Any suggestions?


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What Girls Said 6

  • Be pleasant but do you. Live your life to the max and be happy. My best revenge in life to my ex is success. When you become or are progressing toward your dream, you will start to drop the old and begin the new.

    • She is just jealous that you are moving on. Just keep moving on. No reason to be with a jealous ex. Life is too good to live with the past, you know?

  • My suggestion is SMILE AND WAVE as you walk on by...:)

  • Just ignore her like she is doing. If she talks to you then talk to her but don't initiate the conversation on your own. She is getting jealous that you are doing fine without her.

  • Yes the best revenge is to live your life to thr fullest. Don't waste your time on people who doesn't treat you well.

  • Just do you, don't waste time focussing on someone who gives too little about you

  • She wants to see you miserable say hi that's it and do you


What Guys Said 3

  • Dude, don't even think about her. Just move on; that's the best 'revenge'. You apparently still have interest in her if you're having this much thought over what you should do when making contact with her in any way.

    It seems to me that if she wanted to date you again and made it obvious, that you would date her in a second, which shouldn't be the case.

    If you want her to want you back, then start living your life as though she isn't a thought in the back of your mind.

    Forget this girl, long story short about her, it sounds like she wants her cake and to eat it too.

    Good luck man, you sound like a good, well spoken dude who deserves better.

    • Cage, thanks for the compliment and sentiments. You are right that I would probably go back to her if she reached out to me and was clear that she would take me back. However, I won't make that first move. Call it pride, but I simply can't crawl back to her like her other exes have.

    • What I'm saying is, she doesn't like you. She just likes you liking her and when she sees that you're moving on with your life, that means you are losing interest in her; she doesn't like that. If you guys were to get back together, it would just repeat itself. It's a loselose situation, especially for you.

    • Yes, Cage, it's a tough pill to swallow to realize that someone doesn't like you, especially if at the beginning, she seemed more into me than I was into her.

      But then again, I would be wasting time pining over someone who has lost interest in me. I was hoping we could at least keep things cordial, but I guess that is not to be. I guess that's why a clean break is sometimes best.


  • I suggest you don't initiate anything. If you see her just let her be; if she comes up to you, be nice as you would anyone else, if she leaves you alone then leave her alone. Rather than showing false grace I recommend instead you maintain true grace and maturity.

    If she's miserable don't make it worse on purpose.

  • You do not look weak. Looking weak would be reacting badly; being cordial and passive is a sign of truly being over the woman therefore strength.

    • blackkid, you are correct. a female friend told me that she may be pissed at the fact that I am taking the break up well in front of her and being gracious.

      I will give a quick nod/wave/smile if I we make eye contact. I will show her that her rudeness will not make me weak.